Surprise!
It's my party.......28 total reviews
Comment from mbroyles2
Interesting story.
I thought your opening was great, and you immediately built the suspense and kept it going until the end.
I do have a few questions though.
Why did Johnny set her up this way? Who was Judy and why did she have to die?
He claims he set the party up, how exactly did he do this.
The mystery was there through out the entire story.
I was a little let down by the ending.
No questions answered, just boom a heart attack and die.
Kind of anti-climatic.
That being said, the character was extremely well developed and the scene was well set.
Overall this is a very good story.
Michael
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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Interesting story.
I thought your opening was great, and you immediately built the suspense and kept it going until the end.
I do have a few questions though.
Why did Johnny set her up this way? Who was Judy and why did she have to die?
He claims he set the party up, how exactly did he do this.
The mystery was there through out the entire story.
I was a little let down by the ending.
No questions answered, just boom a heart attack and die.
Kind of anti-climatic.
That being said, the character was extremely well developed and the scene was well set.
Overall this is a very good story.
Michael
Comment Written 06-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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Michael
Sorry you were confused...In the beginning I stated that Johnny was a playboy...he liked his women, money and good times....He dumped Lisa and did not want to give her half of his money in a divorce. Judy was just a "bimbo" that he used in order to lure Lisa to the house...She thought she was doing Johnny a favor for a surprise party...little did she know that he needed to keep her silent and therefore she needed to die as well.
I thought I answered all the questions in the story. The readers believe as he holds the gun..it will end with him killing her..end of story...instead I twisted it with a heart attack to have the bad guy die instead.
Appreciate you taking the time to read and review...I hope I made the story clearer to you...Appreciate your comments....Smiles to you
Does any of the help?
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Thanks for your explanation. A sadistic playboy! I'm glad he had a heart attack.
:)
Comment from patmedium
What an amazing tale. Horrifying, but gripping and compulsive. I couldn't skip out, even though I wanted to. The need to see what came next reminded me of my daughter, aged seven, determined to watch 'Dr. Who'... hiding behind the settee, peeping to watch the programme. Pat.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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What an amazing tale. Horrifying, but gripping and compulsive. I couldn't skip out, even though I wanted to. The need to see what came next reminded me of my daughter, aged seven, determined to watch 'Dr. Who'... hiding behind the settee, peeping to watch the programme. Pat.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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Pat
Hurrah! I am so glad that you read this and enjoyed it. Your comments always make me happy. Smiles to you....
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HEY!!! Whoever-you-are... you know who I'm talking to, even if I don't! Did you not READ my review?
Read my lips:
I thought it was H O R R I F Y I N G !
I even wanted to skip out: but YOU held me prisoner! Pat.
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Pat
Much like Dementia, Huh? -- smiling still
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Grumble, grumble... sumbuddy aughter take all these weird conversations with faceless, nameless nobodies and post em to that daft f.s. place... they might just be daft enough to earn some chocolate dollars!
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p.s. Lemme no hu u r after, so I can set my dog on you... his name was Jake, a rescue dog... soppy as can be, but quite a character, as you'll find out one day! he lived to seventeen... we STILL miss him!
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Now you are talking...dark chocolate..HMMM! I shall write till my hearts content forever.
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I am now developing symptoms od dementia! I'm off to bed... it's forty minutes into tomorrow here, and this machine's telling me it's suddenly spawned five reviews! It seems you know me well, and I must have known you in some earlier (now lost to dementia) moments... so I'll say goodnight! Pat.
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Good night, my friend
Comment from missy98writer
Writer,
I loved your horror and thriller story "Surprises" for the writing prompt a wine glass half full. The art work is great. You did a great job getting in Lisa's head. The descriptive scheme and internal dialogue is well executed. I could picture the story in my head. The suspense had me glued to the screen. The tension is scary as she finds the body of her friend Judy. This line is well written:
"Stepping deeper into the great room, her eyes adjusted to the darkness and Judy's limp, bloodied body came into focus. Blood curdling screams exploded from Lisa's body as she spun around, racing through the kitchen toward the door she'd entered. Grasping the door handle, she pushed but the door didn't open. Slamming her shoulder against it, she pushed again. Someone or something was preventing it from opening."
When she heard the breathing I was on the edge of my seat, so to speak. Come to find out it her ex, Johnny. I'm glad she survived and Johnny got what he deserved. I was rooting for him to die. It was awful for her friend but she was lucky he died of a heart attack. Maybe it was the wrath of the Almighty that saved her life. Your story is fabulous. I wish I had six to give you. In my opinion your story gets my "Freaking Awesome" award.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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Writer,
I loved your horror and thriller story "Surprises" for the writing prompt a wine glass half full. The art work is great. You did a great job getting in Lisa's head. The descriptive scheme and internal dialogue is well executed. I could picture the story in my head. The suspense had me glued to the screen. The tension is scary as she finds the body of her friend Judy. This line is well written:
"Stepping deeper into the great room, her eyes adjusted to the darkness and Judy's limp, bloodied body came into focus. Blood curdling screams exploded from Lisa's body as she spun around, racing through the kitchen toward the door she'd entered. Grasping the door handle, she pushed but the door didn't open. Slamming her shoulder against it, she pushed again. Someone or something was preventing it from opening."
When she heard the breathing I was on the edge of my seat, so to speak. Come to find out it her ex, Johnny. I'm glad she survived and Johnny got what he deserved. I was rooting for him to die. It was awful for her friend but she was lucky he died of a heart attack. Maybe it was the wrath of the Almighty that saved her life. Your story is fabulous. I wish I had six to give you. In my opinion your story gets my "Freaking Awesome" award.
Melissa.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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Melissa
Thank you so much for reading my story and enjoying it. I am always thrilled by your reviews. You put a smile on my face.
Comment from Ann Smith
Enjoyed the suspense. Surprise ending I did not see coming. The showing and not telling made the story more visual. Especially like the opening lines...made you want to read more.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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Enjoyed the suspense. Surprise ending I did not see coming. The showing and not telling made the story more visual. Especially like the opening lines...made you want to read more.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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Ann
Thank you for your kind review. I always prefer to show not tell...Smiles to you....
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you are welcome. ann
Comment from Kathryn Varuzza
Interesting.
Great story.
I like your characters.
I like how you used the wine prompt to create this story.
Good descriptions.
Good ending.
Good suspense.
Good luck in the contest.
Kathryn
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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Interesting.
Great story.
I like your characters.
I like how you used the wine prompt to create this story.
Good descriptions.
Good ending.
Good suspense.
Good luck in the contest.
Kathryn
Comment Written 06-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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Kathryn
Thank you very much for the detailed review. I certainly appreciate it as always....Smiles to you...
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You're welcome.
kathryn
Comment from janskymelancholy
Excellent! I have the tendency to think that if you've read one horror story you've read them all and I am a fan of horror stories. I like mystery and I like horror and this was truly a combination of the two. It kept me sitting on the edge of my seat and I found myself thinking fast about what the ending was going to be. I would like to see this on film. Is there more? You should write more. Spinetingling, I thoroughly enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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Excellent! I have the tendency to think that if you've read one horror story you've read them all and I am a fan of horror stories. I like mystery and I like horror and this was truly a combination of the two. It kept me sitting on the edge of my seat and I found myself thinking fast about what the ending was going to be. I would like to see this on film. Is there more? You should write more. Spinetingling, I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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jansky
Wow...Can't thank you enough for enjoying the story. I truly appreciate the comments and of course the dusting of stars...Smiles to you....
Comment from Xuders
SPAG aside, this horror tale has energy and spirit. It sustains the reader's attention and, fortunately, doesn't end with the death of the main character.
This writer has a good sense of pacing and linguistic rhythms. Though I'm not much of a horror fan, I found the piece engaging.
And it's a very creative manipulation of the writing prompt--the spilled wine/blood is a major feature of the story.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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SPAG aside, this horror tale has energy and spirit. It sustains the reader's attention and, fortunately, doesn't end with the death of the main character.
This writer has a good sense of pacing and linguistic rhythms. Though I'm not much of a horror fan, I found the piece engaging.
And it's a very creative manipulation of the writing prompt--the spilled wine/blood is a major feature of the story.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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Redux
Guess what...Until the beginning of the new year I didn't write horror...Now it appears I have written three in a row...I think my muses have gone on a rampage. LOL Smiles to you....
Comment from obsidian-angel13
A good read. Held my attention throughout and kept me on the edge of my seat. Well written and easy to picture. Glad Lisa was alright in the end. Well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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A good read. Held my attention throughout and kept me on the edge of my seat. Well written and easy to picture. Glad Lisa was alright in the end. Well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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obsidian angel
I sincerely thank you for the kind review and comments. I am glad that you enjoyed this story. Smiles to you...
