Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 27 "Chapter 7; part 2"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
54 total reviews
Comment from Nicnac
Wow - the action is pounding in this chapter. I read quickly in fear of what was happening. I do hope Steven isn't hurt.
Maybe Peggy will be caught in the crossfire! lol I'm bad - but I really hope so. ;)
No suggestions. Great action packed chapter. I love the internal questions Leya and Steven have about their growing relationship. The mutual respect between the two and the growing friendship between Leya and the others (except Peggy) is refreshing.
*You have your book marked as 'Complete'. You may want to change that. ;)
Nic
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
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Wow - the action is pounding in this chapter. I read quickly in fear of what was happening. I do hope Steven isn't hurt.
Maybe Peggy will be caught in the crossfire! lol I'm bad - but I really hope so. ;)
No suggestions. Great action packed chapter. I love the internal questions Leya and Steven have about their growing relationship. The mutual respect between the two and the growing friendship between Leya and the others (except Peggy) is refreshing.
*You have your book marked as 'Complete'. You may want to change that. ;)
Nic
Comment Written 04-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
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Why, it is completed? Am I misunderstanding the meaning of complete. I hope your staying with us for awhile. I have so missed.
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Huh? (LOL)
In your portfolio, you have your book marked as "complete", but it isn't yet... you are still adding chapters, right? (LOL) It should still show 'incomplete' until you've posted your ending chapter.
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I didn't understand that. Sorry, I figured it meant If I have finished writing the book. Sometimes I'm really a blonde at heart.
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Ha Ha! No prob. ;) We all are at times. (Me... too many to count.)
Smiles
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
This is an excellent chapter, especially because you restrict yourself to Leya and don't overdo the action part. I would like to know how the drug lords found the safe house, but I guess that's coming.
This is an excellent post, enjoyable to read and with only one small nit:
"In her room she stared out the window. Could Jim [be] right?"
Dave
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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Barbara,
This is an excellent chapter, especially because you restrict yourself to Leya and don't overdo the action part. I would like to know how the drug lords found the safe house, but I guess that's coming.
This is an excellent post, enjoyable to read and with only one small nit:
"In her room she stared out the window. Could Jim [be] right?"
Dave
Comment Written 04-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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Thank you. I late last night I rewrote that portion and still messed up. I will get it fixed.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
A good piece of descriptive writing,
with good presentation, holding the
interest throughout.
A couple of minor things - just ignore if not in agreement, my friend.
when she tried to enter his bed - "enter" sounds strange ... perhaps you'd consider..
when she tried to climb into his bed
As he stared at her eyes, Jim grinned - "at"!!
As he gazed into her eyes, Jim grinned
am the daugher - daughter
An enjoyable read, Barbara.
Margaret.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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A good piece of descriptive writing,
with good presentation, holding the
interest throughout.
A couple of minor things - just ignore if not in agreement, my friend.
when she tried to enter his bed - "enter" sounds strange ... perhaps you'd consider..
when she tried to climb into his bed
As he stared at her eyes, Jim grinned - "at"!!
As he gazed into her eyes, Jim grinned
am the daugher - daughter
An enjoyable read, Barbara.
Margaret.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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Very good points, will take care of them. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Just2Write
Great dialogue in this chapter. The scene is well laid out and the story flows well. I enjoyed the read - just a few spags to fix:
Peggy makes a sedutive [seductive] move
Could Jim [be] right?
I wanted to smoother[smother] him with kisses
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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Great dialogue in this chapter. The scene is well laid out and the story flows well. I enjoyed the read - just a few spags to fix:
Peggy makes a sedutive [seductive] move
Could Jim [be] right?
I wanted to smoother[smother] him with kisses
Comment Written 04-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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Thank you I changed that section late last night and still made mistakes. Thank you for the review.
Comment from nora arjuna
Could Jim [be] right?
"Good question[.] We'll worry about that later."
oh we have a mixture here, shooting emotions and guns. Great read. Hope everything's fine for Leya and everyone.
now your notes make me feel guilty. School started today here, and I work everyday. Been neglecting lots of things since I began writing. Sigh.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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Could Jim [be] right?
"Good question[.] We'll worry about that later."
oh we have a mixture here, shooting emotions and guns. Great read. Hope everything's fine for Leya and everyone.
now your notes make me feel guilty. School started today here, and I work everyday. Been neglecting lots of things since I began writing. Sigh.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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My writing tends to get neglected. I wish it didn't. I am on the errors. Thank you for the review.
Comment from L.lora
typo='Could Jim(be) right?'
You did an excellent job on this
post. I was there, could smell
the gunpowder, and the noise--
chaos and at the same time I felt
myself seething. Has anyone asked
where the heck Peggy is? uh-huh!
Great structure, very descriptive
narrative and the dialogues help
to move the story along but add
to the excitement. You really
out did yourself on this post.
Wonderful. Lora
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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typo='Could Jim(be) right?'
You did an excellent job on this
post. I was there, could smell
the gunpowder, and the noise--
chaos and at the same time I felt
myself seething. Has anyone asked
where the heck Peggy is? uh-huh!
Great structure, very descriptive
narrative and the dialogues help
to move the story along but add
to the excitement. You really
out did yourself on this post.
Wonderful. Lora
Comment Written 04-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your support.
Comment from mjfande
Another excellent chapter. The action really kept me on the edge of my seat, and they way you captured Leya's emotions makes the scene feel very real. Excellent job. I look forward to the next post.
Good luck with your writing and your first-graders.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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Another excellent chapter. The action really kept me on the edge of my seat, and they way you captured Leya's emotions makes the scene feel very real. Excellent job. I look forward to the next post.
Good luck with your writing and your first-graders.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Readywriter52
It appears that the men support Leya. They think Peggy is acting unreasonable. The question never answered at the end of the chapter was who told Leya's family where she was. I think the answer will embarrass someone. It probably was one of the team.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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It appears that the men support Leya. They think Peggy is acting unreasonable. The question never answered at the end of the chapter was who told Leya's family where she was. I think the answer will embarrass someone. It probably was one of the team.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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You could be right. We'll see. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Laidy
Wow! that was a turn around point that the family wanted to take her back. This has gotten more and more interesting through ech chapter. thought that this read was great.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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Wow! that was a turn around point that the family wanted to take her back. This has gotten more and more interesting through ech chapter. thought that this read was great.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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Thank you for your continued support. I appreciate it.
Comment from EABU
This is a pretty interesting story. I would love to go back to read the other chapters to see how Leya and Peggy got to this point. Your sentences were straightforward, the dialogue was informative and overall, it was really good.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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This is a pretty interesting story. I would love to go back to read the other chapters to see how Leya and Peggy got to this point. Your sentences were straightforward, the dialogue was informative and overall, it was really good.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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I don't understand if I have a pretty interesting and you wanted to go back and read more, and my sentences were straightforward, the dialogue was informative and overall a really good. Why you gave me 4 stars? What do I need to do to improve it??? Thank you for your review. I just don't understand it.
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You are absolutely right. You don't need to do a single thing to improve it as I really enjoyed the story, and I have no corrections. I intended to give you 5 stars so the 4 stars may have been accidentally selected. I will go back and upgrade the rating.
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Thank you I appreciate the thoughtfulness. That has happened to me before too. My finger slips.
