Better Watch Out For The Bears!
A lesson about making a mess.....41 total reviews
Comment from Patrick G Cox
That's got to be the best retake of the Godilocks story I've seen in a ong time. Nice one to pull after a holiday and the cleaning up, wish I'd thought of it when my three were that age and making this kind of mess!
Patrick
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2009
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That's got to be the best retake of the Godilocks story I've seen in a ong time. Nice one to pull after a holiday and the cleaning up, wish I'd thought of it when my three were that age and making this kind of mess!
Patrick
Comment Written 28-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2009
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Patrick
Thanks for the encouragement. It lifted my spirits, my friend. Been thinking of doing some other tales with lessons in them. Thanks so much. CArol
Comment from lola29
Linda, that was truly a sweet story with a valuable lesson that we all need to learn. Making the mess is great fun, bt leaving it for someone else to clean, is too much.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2009
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Linda, that was truly a sweet story with a valuable lesson that we all need to learn. Making the mess is great fun, bt leaving it for someone else to clean, is too much.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2009
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Lola
I'm crushed ...you have forgotten me already...But I am glad that you enjoyed my story...Smiles to you, Carol
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OMG! Carol, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me.
Comment from BethShelby
This is an adorable story. You can count on a messy house with kids around. I love the way you tied it in with the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. I was a pleasure to read.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2009
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This is an adorable story. You can count on a messy house with kids around. I love the way you tied it in with the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. I was a pleasure to read.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2009
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Beth
I have been thinking about doing some others with a lesson in each one. Glad you enjoyed it. Carol
Comment from Sally Carter
This was great fun and a delight to read, though I confess I was expecting to find some bears up in those beds! I always enjoy adaptations of the old nursery tales, and I think children as well as adults would enjoy this without the need for hardly any adaptations to bring it to child level. I wish I'd had a strategy that worked this well when my kids were small. I didn't spot any nits or anything that needed revision. Best wishes. Sally
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2009
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This was great fun and a delight to read, though I confess I was expecting to find some bears up in those beds! I always enjoy adaptations of the old nursery tales, and I think children as well as adults would enjoy this without the need for hardly any adaptations to bring it to child level. I wish I'd had a strategy that worked this well when my kids were small. I didn't spot any nits or anything that needed revision. Best wishes. Sally
Comment Written 28-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2009
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Sally
Thanks so much for stopping by and enjoying my little story. I've been thinking of doing some others if I can figure out how to put lessons in them. Appreciate the kind comments, CArol
Comment from Kris Levin
The opening paragraph is a great hook and very well written in its description. My favorite line(s) though was the short paragraph when Goldie finds the teddy bear and reminisces about her past. It is just vague enough to question if she is in fact Goldie Locks, which brings back nostalgic childhood memories. I like how the first half of the story poses as a reverse Goldilocks story and comes off as if done for children (with her non concern about someone being in her house), but in the end it turns out she is a parent. The ending could use a little bit of work, seems a bit too cookie cutter, with the girls getting so scared just from that. I'm not sure how to fix that. You should do more works like this, maybe Little Red Riding Hood grown up. Keep up the great writing!
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reply by the author on 28-Nov-2009
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The opening paragraph is a great hook and very well written in its description. My favorite line(s) though was the short paragraph when Goldie finds the teddy bear and reminisces about her past. It is just vague enough to question if she is in fact Goldie Locks, which brings back nostalgic childhood memories. I like how the first half of the story poses as a reverse Goldilocks story and comes off as if done for children (with her non concern about someone being in her house), but in the end it turns out she is a parent. The ending could use a little bit of work, seems a bit too cookie cutter, with the girls getting so scared just from that. I'm not sure how to fix that. You should do more works like this, maybe Little Red Riding Hood grown up. Keep up the great writing!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2009
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Kris
Appreciate your comments. Can't imagine how to change the ending and still stick to the story. Thanks for the review, Carol
Comment from missy98writer
Begin Again,
I love your fiction story about Goldie and the bear. I like the fact that it's Goldie's house a mess.
I enjoy the line:
"A teddy bear was lying in the hallway and she picked it up. A pair of dark brown eyes stared back at her. Memories of long, long ago popped into her head. A time when she'd left someone's house a mess."
Its a great touch she warned her daughters about the bears.
I love your retelling of a child story. I guess the adage applies to Goldie: "What goes around, comes around".
Melissa.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2009
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Begin Again,
I love your fiction story about Goldie and the bear. I like the fact that it's Goldie's house a mess.
I enjoy the line:
"A teddy bear was lying in the hallway and she picked it up. A pair of dark brown eyes stared back at her. Memories of long, long ago popped into her head. A time when she'd left someone's house a mess."
Its a great touch she warned her daughters about the bears.
I love your retelling of a child story. I guess the adage applies to Goldie: "What goes around, comes around".
Melissa.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2009
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Melissa
I think you are so right! Glad you enjoyed the little lesson story. Smiles to you, Carol
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Thanks for the story. I'm writing on a flash fiction of Cinderalla called "Cindy In the Real World". Cindy is being interviewed by a reporter of why she left the fairytale kingdom for the real world. I hope to post it in the next few days after I polish it up.
Melissa.
Comment from pugdogy
job well done!!! what a cute turn on goldilocks and the three bears. You brought the image of the three curley topped little girls with wide eyes to life. keep up the good writing, and the picture goes very well here also!
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2009
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job well done!!! what a cute turn on goldilocks and the three bears. You brought the image of the three curley topped little girls with wide eyes to life. keep up the good writing, and the picture goes very well here also!
Comment Written 28-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2009
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Pug
Thanks so much for the kind review. I appreciate your comments. Smiles, Carol
Comment from jadapenn
Ah, so a great Thanksgiving was had by all. I loved this little story. Good work Goldie, putting all the sloppy kids to work.
luv jada
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2009
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Ah, so a great Thanksgiving was had by all. I loved this little story. Good work Goldie, putting all the sloppy kids to work.
luv jada
Comment Written 28-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2009
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Jada
So happy that you enjoyed the story. Sometimes even my big kids need a gentle reminder..Mom's not super Mom anymore. Smiles to you, Carol
Comment from L.lora
A very delightful story
that was told in an excellent
way. The details of your story
paint wonderous pictures in the
mind, the take on the old bear
story not having been lost on
this reader. Your twist at the
end is great... no spags or nits
:)Lora
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2009
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A very delightful story
that was told in an excellent
way. The details of your story
paint wonderous pictures in the
mind, the take on the old bear
story not having been lost on
this reader. Your twist at the
end is great... no spags or nits
:)Lora
Comment Written 28-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2009
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Lora
So glad you enjoyed the little story...I might try telling my children about the bears...well, maybe it's already to late for that one. smiles, Carol
Comment from misscookie
Ilove it a now story for the new generation.I think its neat
This should go into print in children book section.
You did it again. I find no fault in yout writing.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2009
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Ilove it a now story for the new generation.I think its neat
This should go into print in children book section.
You did it again. I find no fault in yout writing.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2009
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Cookie
Thanks for the kind comments. Trying to teach an old lesson in a new way. Smiles, Carol
