Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Chapter 3 Part 2"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
35 total reviews
Comment from Freeflyer
Steven is a gentleman. If Leya is telling the truth then:
1. I feel terribly sorry for her.
2. What a nightmare, if these two giant drug dealers come together.
Keep 'em coming.
Freeflyer
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2009
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Steven is a gentleman. If Leya is telling the truth then:
1. I feel terribly sorry for her.
2. What a nightmare, if these two giant drug dealers come together.
Keep 'em coming.
Freeflyer
Comment Written 08-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate you support.
Comment from darkgreennights
Okay well lol lol lol I'll admit it, I did NOT see that coming, I had no idea how you were going to get Steven out of it, but that was novel-pun intended lol. I still think they would be hot together.
love
Kathleen
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2009
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Okay well lol lol lol I'll admit it, I did NOT see that coming, I had no idea how you were going to get Steven out of it, but that was novel-pun intended lol. I still think they would be hot together.
love
Kathleen
Comment Written 08-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2009
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You will have to wait and see. I will tell you Steven gets himself into a mess there's no way he'll get out. He may need your help.
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I am right there!
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I knew you would be.
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lol lol
Comment from empire76
- Putting his hand over hers, he accidentally brushed her bare breasts and moaned inwardly at the softness of the skin.
Why did he put his hands over hers? Make the reader understand the working on his mind.
- "Why do you want us to ...?"
Hellooo ... might I remind you, Steve, that YOU felt her up in a previous chapter?
- "What?" His eyes widened and jaw dropped open as he stared at her.
What are his thoughts here?
- "I'm sure there's a better solution than us having sex." He rubbed the back of his neck. (Tempted)
Just a suggestion to add that stand-alone sentence/word. (or use a comma. He could be rubbing his neck out of impatience or stress.
- "I don't normally seduce men." She stared at the wall behind them.
Steve: With a body like that, you don't to seduce men
- He lifted her chin and searched her eyes. "I promise ...
What thought process brings him to this conclusion? Why would any man in his right senses decide to get involved to the point of making such a promise, in something that's obviously not his business? Let the reader connect with the character.
- Suggestion for the last paragraph:
... I need to leave," his gaze swept over her body/frame/profile, "and you need to put on more clothes." ...
Cheers
E
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2009
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- Putting his hand over hers, he accidentally brushed her bare breasts and moaned inwardly at the softness of the skin.
Why did he put his hands over hers? Make the reader understand the working on his mind.
- "Why do you want us to ...?"
Hellooo ... might I remind you, Steve, that YOU felt her up in a previous chapter?
- "What?" His eyes widened and jaw dropped open as he stared at her.
What are his thoughts here?
- "I'm sure there's a better solution than us having sex." He rubbed the back of his neck. (Tempted)
Just a suggestion to add that stand-alone sentence/word. (or use a comma. He could be rubbing his neck out of impatience or stress.
- "I don't normally seduce men." She stared at the wall behind them.
Steve: With a body like that, you don't to seduce men
- He lifted her chin and searched her eyes. "I promise ...
What thought process brings him to this conclusion? Why would any man in his right senses decide to get involved to the point of making such a promise, in something that's obviously not his business? Let the reader connect with the character.
- Suggestion for the last paragraph:
... I need to leave," his gaze swept over her body/frame/profile, "and you need to put on more clothes." ...
Cheers
E
Comment Written 08-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2009
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Thank you and I'm on it.
Comment from Shane Marquardt
Very good chapter! The best one yet. You combined engaging dialogue with a very well done plot. You also opened the door to both characters personalities. Er, and perhaps it's just the male point of view, but I think Steven could do Leya this favor. lol
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2009
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Very good chapter! The best one yet. You combined engaging dialogue with a very well done plot. You also opened the door to both characters personalities. Er, and perhaps it's just the male point of view, but I think Steven could do Leya this favor. lol
Comment Written 08-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2009
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Of course a male would think that. LOL, but Leya has to wait, or should I say Steven has to wait. He is a gentleman, well most of the time.
Comment from apelle
What a story ! It's got everything...
Lust, revenge, greed and gluttony...
What more can you wish for in a story?
very well written story however...fresh and dynamic dialog.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2009
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What a story ! It's got everything...
Lust, revenge, greed and gluttony...
What more can you wish for in a story?
very well written story however...fresh and dynamic dialog.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2009
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Thank you for the review. I appreciate it.
Comment from Begin Again
Barbara
Way to go! Not too many good guys like Steve that would have any morals and back away from Leya. If she's telling the truth, she comes from a culture that treats women like merchandise. How sad and painful! The story is moving along great and I certainly am enjoying it. WEll done!
Carol
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2009
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Barbara
Way to go! Not too many good guys like Steve that would have any morals and back away from Leya. If she's telling the truth, she comes from a culture that treats women like merchandise. How sad and painful! The story is moving along great and I certainly am enjoying it. WEll done!
Carol
Comment Written 08-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2009
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Steven is one of a kind. Thank you for your review and you're support.
Comment from Belinda
It works. The chapter also works :) Now I know why Leya tries to seduce him. In the last chapter she almost suceeded, thank goodness he was 'sane' and still maintains the sanity until this chapter. I look forward to the next, Barbara...
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2009
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It works. The chapter also works :) Now I know why Leya tries to seduce him. In the last chapter she almost suceeded, thank goodness he was 'sane' and still maintains the sanity until this chapter. I look forward to the next, Barbara...
Comment Written 08-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appeciate the continued support.
Comment from jadapenn
Hi Barbara, I love Steven's strong ethic here. He's being offered everything on a silver plate and still keeps his cool. I could just go for this blond green-eyed boy. I have sympathy with Leya, but she is a bit blatant here. No wonder Steven doubts that she's a virgin. Just jada, I suppose.
Nice write - luv jada
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2009
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Hi Barbara, I love Steven's strong ethic here. He's being offered everything on a silver plate and still keeps his cool. I could just go for this blond green-eyed boy. I have sympathy with Leya, but she is a bit blatant here. No wonder Steven doubts that she's a virgin. Just jada, I suppose.
Nice write - luv jada
Comment Written 08-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2009
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Hey, I wrote it and still question it. Well, have to wait and see. Thank you, girlfriend.
Comment from Joan E.
Ah, ha, he resisted her--the man's a saint! I liked the way you made the dialog more realistic by adding her gestures of gulping and chewing and moistening her lips. The details about the cartel were also very believable.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2009
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Ah, ha, he resisted her--the man's a saint! I liked the way you made the dialog more realistic by adding her gestures of gulping and chewing and moistening her lips. The details about the cartel were also very believable.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from L.lora
Barbara the italics worked fine...but I do know what you mean. Great going with the storyline, strong input although your showing the tough guy does have a soft side..The dialogue is spot on and the story moves at a easy steady pace. Very enjoyable read, no nits. Lora
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2009
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Barbara the italics worked fine...but I do know what you mean. Great going with the storyline, strong input although your showing the tough guy does have a soft side..The dialogue is spot on and the story moves at a easy steady pace. Very enjoyable read, no nits. Lora
Comment Written 07-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2009
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Thank you for your review. I'm glad it worked. All my task force men think they're tough, but a lady always gets to them.
