Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Chapter 1 Part 3"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
48 total reviews
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
Can this Vagas lady be trusted I wonder. An exciting story
with moves at a fast pace. Both dialogue and characterization are very believable.
Great cliffhanger at the end.
Juliette
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009
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Can this Vagas lady be trusted I wonder. An exciting story
with moves at a fast pace. Both dialogue and characterization are very believable.
Great cliffhanger at the end.
Juliette
Comment Written 07-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Barbara.Wilkey ....
Generally speaking, this is well written and I hope I get a chance to read further chapters of your book.
I have given you 5 stars, trusting that you will consider the few changes indicated ...
* You have - Steven glared her ... this should be -
glared at her ...
* You have - when I overheard Miguel, my youngest brother; tell a friend .... after brother, you need a comma, not a semi-colon ...
* You have - He's revenging the imprisonment ... this should be - He's avenging the imprisonment ....
With love from ..... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009
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Hullo Barbara.Wilkey ....
Generally speaking, this is well written and I hope I get a chance to read further chapters of your book.
I have given you 5 stars, trusting that you will consider the few changes indicated ...
* You have - Steven glared her ... this should be -
glared at her ...
* You have - when I overheard Miguel, my youngest brother; tell a friend .... after brother, you need a comma, not a semi-colon ...
* You have - He's revenging the imprisonment ... this should be - He's avenging the imprisonment ....
With love from ..... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009
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I will take care of them thank you. I appreciate your help.
Comment from SoulSong
OK --- so now I want to know why they took the baby. Looks like it was revenge. Interesting plot and characters. Excellent job
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009
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OK --- so now I want to know why they took the baby. Looks like it was revenge. Interesting plot and characters. Excellent job
Comment Written 07-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from Dianemae
I love the suspense. But you have left me hanging. Not a nice thing to do to your readers...only kidding! Just the way you want to leave them..wanting more. Great writing.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009
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I love the suspense. But you have left me hanging. Not a nice thing to do to your readers...only kidding! Just the way you want to leave them..wanting more. Great writing.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from chaswriter
Barbara.Wilkey - Interesting chapter. You sure do know how to set the hook for the next chapter. Good character development.
Here are some suggestions:
Steven glared( at) her before glancing at Matt.
"OK(, )Missy(. What) do you know?"
As she flipped her long, black(, )curly hair with great dignity,
The men's eyes met(, and) Steven sighed.
Joe nodded at Steven( and) poked his arm. - You use 'nodded' several times in the story.
They each chambered a round(, )and each went to the opposite sides of the door.
Hope that helps. Charlie
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009
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Barbara.Wilkey - Interesting chapter. You sure do know how to set the hook for the next chapter. Good character development.
Here are some suggestions:
Steven glared( at) her before glancing at Matt.
"OK(, )Missy(. What) do you know?"
As she flipped her long, black(, )curly hair with great dignity,
The men's eyes met(, and) Steven sighed.
Joe nodded at Steven( and) poked his arm. - You use 'nodded' several times in the story.
They each chambered a round(, )and each went to the opposite sides of the door.
Hope that helps. Charlie
Comment Written 07-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review and I will get on these immediately I hope. My computer is acting up. I copied your latest post, but when I went to write the review, my computer kicked me off. I'm been trying to get yach support for two day.
Comment from Arkine
Hum, I have to agree it does sound like a trap. No baby crying is a bad sign too and why would she betray her entire family? Either she's a really good person or she has her own agendas. Great job, only one thing I caught:
Steven glared [at] her before glancing at Matt.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009
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Hum, I have to agree it does sound like a trap. No baby crying is a bad sign too and why would she betray her entire family? Either she's a really good person or she has her own agendas. Great job, only one thing I caught:
Steven glared [at] her before glancing at Matt.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from Phil Kitom
An excellent story that is continuing
to gain momentum and is proving to
be interesting to follow. The door
has opened and now....?
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009
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An excellent story that is continuing
to gain momentum and is proving to
be interesting to follow. The door
has opened and now....?
Comment Written 07-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009
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HUMMMMM!!!!! I wonder if they will find the baby or something else. Good question. Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from wierdgrace
This is turning into a wonderufl exciting book, I can not wait to go on. The characters, the child, the mystery, wow, great writing, keep it up, I will watch for more.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009
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This is turning into a wonderufl exciting book, I can not wait to go on. The characters, the child, the mystery, wow, great writing, keep it up, I will watch for more.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review. I hope I don't disappoint you. I'm going to keep posting, I may have to slow down. I teach and school starts in a few weeks.
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thank you and you are welcome
Comment from ladybird
A very nice follow on chapter.I get the feeling that the has lured them into someing dangerous, or maybe not, lol. A very nice read.
"Your English has improved." Steven glared ( ) her before glancing at Matt. Should 'at' be here?
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009
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A very nice follow on chapter.I get the feeling that the has lured them into someing dangerous, or maybe not, lol. A very nice read.
"Your English has improved." Steven glared ( ) her before glancing at Matt. Should 'at' be here?
Comment Written 07-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words and I'm on the error.
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You're welcome.
Comment from TKField
looks like you've got a good little suspense thriller going here. I like the snappy dialogue and the interesting way you have the characters interact. The kidnapped child angle has a lot of potential to hang some slam-bang action on in the future. Carry on.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009
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looks like you've got a good little suspense thriller going here. I like the snappy dialogue and the interesting way you have the characters interact. The kidnapped child angle has a lot of potential to hang some slam-bang action on in the future. Carry on.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
