Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Chapter 1 Part 1"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
50 total reviews
Comment from Kentucky Sweet Pea
Very intriguing, Barbara! I enjoyed it from beginning to end, look forward the next excerpt and found absolutely no grammatical errors. Well-done!
Pea
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2009
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Very intriguing, Barbara! I enjoyed it from beginning to end, look forward the next excerpt and found absolutely no grammatical errors. Well-done!
Pea
Comment Written 02-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from rmdelta
Barbara,
terrific that we begin your new work after such a great one has just ended. The descriptives are great, as is your dialogue. HOwever, I think the hook at the end of this story is the strongest hook you've ever written. Just my own personal opinin. This one easily forces the reader to come back out of concern--they have no choice. Great job, my friend.
Reggie
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2009
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Barbara,
terrific that we begin your new work after such a great one has just ended. The descriptives are great, as is your dialogue. HOwever, I think the hook at the end of this story is the strongest hook you've ever written. Just my own personal opinin. This one easily forces the reader to come back out of concern--they have no choice. Great job, my friend.
Reggie
Comment Written 02-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2009
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I appreciate your review. Thank you for your kind words. When I read what you wrote about my hook. I said out loud
"That's so sweet." My guys hurried into the room.."What's wrong, Mom?" They didn't understand. Go figure. I basically upset their baseball game. The Cardinals are on, we don't often get to what them in TX,
Comment from Josipher32
This was a wonderfully written book chapter.
Good use of description. Good set-up. Excellent balance of dialogue and narration.
You handle dialogue well. And you made the characters come to life by adding motion when they were talking. Good luck with your project.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2009
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This was a wonderfully written book chapter.
Good use of description. Good set-up. Excellent balance of dialogue and narration.
You handle dialogue well. And you made the characters come to life by adding motion when they were talking. Good luck with your project.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from Sarah_Goldwell
This is a very good piece of work, the storyline flows well and the characters are developing nicely. I think you might need to do a little more research into the cocaine market if drug cartels plan to feature largely in the story. I think a kilo of cocaine has a street value of approx $100,000 anyone dealing in a kilo is a major player. It might be different in the states but it's unlikely any one would buy 28k under cover. hope this helps x
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2009
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This is a very good piece of work, the storyline flows well and the characters are developing nicely. I think you might need to do a little more research into the cocaine market if drug cartels plan to feature largely in the story. I think a kilo of cocaine has a street value of approx $100,000 anyone dealing in a kilo is a major player. It might be different in the states but it's unlikely any one would buy 28k under cover. hope this helps x
Comment Written 02-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2009
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I wrote this book about 3 years ago. When I researched it then, I was on target. Maybe I need to update it.
Comment from Sarah_Goldwell
This is a very good piece of work, the storyline flows well and the characters are developing nicely. I think you might need to do a little more research into the cocaine market if drug cartels plan to feature largely in the story. I think a kilo of cocaine has a street value of approx $100,000 anyone dealing in a kilo is a major player. It might be different in the states but it's unlikely any one would buy 28k under cover. hope this helps x
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2009
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This is a very good piece of work, the storyline flows well and the characters are developing nicely. I think you might need to do a little more research into the cocaine market if drug cartels plan to feature largely in the story. I think a kilo of cocaine has a street value of approx $100,000 anyone dealing in a kilo is a major player. It might be different in the states but it's unlikely any one would buy 28k under cover. hope this helps x
Comment Written 02-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2009
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Answered above.
Comment from AmberRose
I enjoyed reading your work. You have a unique style. I wish you the best and look forward to reading more of your pieces.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2009
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I enjoyed reading your work. You have a unique style. I wish you the best and look forward to reading more of your pieces.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from drivenbackward
Great hook and cliffhanger, as well as a great opening chapter overall. Characters are vivid. Dialogue is strong. The only negative is the overuse of actions between/after dialogue. They're good to have, but not all the time. Let the reader flow.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2009
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Great hook and cliffhanger, as well as a great opening chapter overall. Characters are vivid. Dialogue is strong. The only negative is the overuse of actions between/after dialogue. They're good to have, but not all the time. Let the reader flow.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2009
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Thank you. I'll check into it.
Comment from Nicnac
Oh gosh!
My heart is pounding!
I knew Joe shouldn't have left her! I think that butt wiggling Spanish woman has something to do with all this. Please tell me she didn't kidnap Dani's baby!
I haven't finished the first book on Dani and Matt yet - so this story reveals a lot to me - but I don't care. Ha ha I didn't want to get too far behind... so I'm going to read them simultaneously, as time allows.
Suggestions:
she'll have her father wrapped around her little finger, before she can roll over (no comma needed)
Standby the door and make sure I'm not interrupted. (Stand by)
I'm dying to find out what is going on with little Emily!
Fabulous first chapter, Barbara. :) Love it!
Nic
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2009
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Oh gosh!
My heart is pounding!
I knew Joe shouldn't have left her! I think that butt wiggling Spanish woman has something to do with all this. Please tell me she didn't kidnap Dani's baby!
I haven't finished the first book on Dani and Matt yet - so this story reveals a lot to me - but I don't care. Ha ha I didn't want to get too far behind... so I'm going to read them simultaneously, as time allows.
Suggestions:
she'll have her father wrapped around her little finger, before she can roll over (no comma needed)
Standby the door and make sure I'm not interrupted. (Stand by)
I'm dying to find out what is going on with little Emily!
Fabulous first chapter, Barbara. :) Love it!
Nic
Comment Written 01-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2009
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Thank you. I'm on the errors. Darn, maybe it's too early in the AM, but I can't think of anything witty to say.
Comment from adewpearl
Well, there may not be too much action yet, but I sure can see the promise of future action in the case these men are involved in. You're doing an excellent job of setting things up and introducing characters - I already like Dani and am worried about what sort of maternal instinct is kicking in.
I'm going to sign up as a fan so I can follow this book - I love it when I start in on the ground floor - coming in on chapter 38 of something is too frustrating :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2009
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Well, there may not be too much action yet, but I sure can see the promise of future action in the case these men are involved in. You're doing an excellent job of setting things up and introducing characters - I already like Dani and am worried about what sort of maternal instinct is kicking in.
I'm going to sign up as a fan so I can follow this book - I love it when I start in on the ground floor - coming in on chapter 38 of something is too frustrating :-) Brooke
Comment Written 01-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review and I'm honored someone of your caliber is wanting to read my post.
Comment from Mariea
Mostly, the first chapter need to demonstrate a basis for the rest of the story. A couple of suggestions - the line beginning with "long black" perhaps moved should be moving. The line starting "If she has" I would delete the comma after fingers. Otherwise the punctuation is very good. I enjoyed the read and will follow up on the next chapter. Regards Mia
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2009
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Mostly, the first chapter need to demonstrate a basis for the rest of the story. A couple of suggestions - the line beginning with "long black" perhaps moved should be moving. The line starting "If she has" I would delete the comma after fingers. Otherwise the punctuation is very good. I enjoyed the read and will follow up on the next chapter. Regards Mia
Comment Written 01-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2009
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Thank you for yor review and I'm on the problems.
