Time Portal
A journey back in time to an event.33 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
You write this short but compelling piece with conviction and quiet reverence - the opening stresses the human nature of Jesus while on earth, a man with a mother who wept to see his suffering, and then you progress to Jesus as the Christ in a most elegant and beautiful way. This is lovely. Brooke
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2009
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You write this short but compelling piece with conviction and quiet reverence - the opening stresses the human nature of Jesus while on earth, a man with a mother who wept to see his suffering, and then you progress to Jesus as the Christ in a most elegant and beautiful way. This is lovely. Brooke
Comment Written 11-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2009
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I am honored by your great and sensitive review. But, honor does not go to me, it goes to Jesus. I am so glad you enjoyed reading this. Again, thank you.
Comment from fictionwriter
I liked the premise of this short story. I didn't quite get where you are standing. Did you go into a portal or what? I would like to see it lengthened out a bit to make things clearer for the reader. Other than that great job.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2009
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I liked the premise of this short story. I didn't quite get where you are standing. Did you go into a portal or what? I would like to see it lengthened out a bit to make things clearer for the reader. Other than that great job.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2009
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Thank you for taking the time to review and for the five stars. Yes, I was standing just inside the threshold of a portal. I will consider your advice for future edits. God Bless
Comment from WRITER1
A very good piece, this is how we learned the bible from our childhood. I liked the way you presented this story. I see no need to revise this.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2009
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A very good piece, this is how we learned the bible from our childhood. I liked the way you presented this story. I see no need to revise this.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2009
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Thank you Writer1 for the great review. I am so glad you enjoyed it and identified with it. By the way, I love the Beagle on your profile. I love Beagles!! God Bless
Comment from EricMentzer
This is a very inspiring writing. I quite enjoy the spiritual story. It helps clear my mind for the day. This one is no exception. You have a talent for description. You have written a very good short story, I may just read this at my growth group tonight. I really think everyone would like it.
God Bless,
Eric
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2009
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This is a very inspiring writing. I quite enjoy the spiritual story. It helps clear my mind for the day. This one is no exception. You have a talent for description. You have written a very good short story, I may just read this at my growth group tonight. I really think everyone would like it.
God Bless,
Eric
Comment Written 11-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2009
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Thank you for your great review. I am so glad that it helped you. I am honored by your assessment of my talent for description. God first, then I would be honored if you choose to read this at your group. May God Bless
Comment from rmdelta
GentleWind,
this is an excellent story, my friend. your descriptives are delivered quite well and they easily allow visualization of the words you write. Well done.
Reggie
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2009
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GentleWind,
this is an excellent story, my friend. your descriptives are delivered quite well and they easily allow visualization of the words you write. Well done.
Reggie
Comment Written 11-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2009
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Thank you for the great review. I am glad that the visual images of the words worked. God Bless
Comment from Joan E.
Your timeless journey is filled with contradictions: "beauty and unsightliness," celebratory voices and soft whispers of desperation". But ultimately there is his "smile" and total "Peace" to guide you.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2009
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Your timeless journey is filled with contradictions: "beauty and unsightliness," celebratory voices and soft whispers of desperation". But ultimately there is his "smile" and total "Peace" to guide you.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2009
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Thank you for taking the time to read this and your great review. His smile and peace is just waiting for us to respond. May God Bless
Comment from Sasha
While I a not a religious person, I found this a very well written and sincere piece of writing. The sincerity of the writer combined with the obvious compassion of the main character was touching. Thank you for a very well written piece.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2009
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While I a not a religious person, I found this a very well written and sincere piece of writing. The sincerity of the writer combined with the obvious compassion of the main character was touching. Thank you for a very well written piece.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2009
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I am so glad you enjoyed this piece. Thank you for the great review. May God Bless
Comment from DrCarter2001
A good religious short short story. Be careful not to use too many unnecessarily wordy phrases, including ones that start with "I" or have extra adverbs. For example, "I am rigidly held in time as I look up and see a man." Can a reader truly visualize being "rigidly held in time"? Try to describe what this means in imagery that a reader can picture, for example, "Time freezes around me. The past blends with the present and future. Ancient Romans dance with Iraqi soldiers. In the midst of it all, I see a man."
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2009
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A good religious short short story. Be careful not to use too many unnecessarily wordy phrases, including ones that start with "I" or have extra adverbs. For example, "I am rigidly held in time as I look up and see a man." Can a reader truly visualize being "rigidly held in time"? Try to describe what this means in imagery that a reader can picture, for example, "Time freezes around me. The past blends with the present and future. Ancient Romans dance with Iraqi soldiers. In the midst of it all, I see a man."
Comment Written 11-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2009
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Thank you for your great review. I appreciate your thoughts and will take another look. God Bless
Comment from Jo Taylor
Hi GentleWind - Interesting take on how you see Him, never thought of it this way. One question or correction:
"Beauty and unsightliness is staring back at me" unsightliness means ugliness. Did you mean the contradiction that both beauty (Christ) and unsightliness (his crucifixion) stared back at you? Did you perhaps mean that he was sight-less? Whichever you mean will work, depending on what you want the reader to get, but it is uncomfortably unclear on that point. Sorry to be picky, but I think it changes the meaning somewhat and I want to know exactly what you mean as I like the rest of it.
I assume this really happened to you because it's listed in non-fiction so I only mean the above comment as a clarification of meaning.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm interested in hearing more about this from those of you who have been there. Blessings.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2009
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Hi GentleWind - Interesting take on how you see Him, never thought of it this way. One question or correction:
"Beauty and unsightliness is staring back at me" unsightliness means ugliness. Did you mean the contradiction that both beauty (Christ) and unsightliness (his crucifixion) stared back at you? Did you perhaps mean that he was sight-less? Whichever you mean will work, depending on what you want the reader to get, but it is uncomfortably unclear on that point. Sorry to be picky, but I think it changes the meaning somewhat and I want to know exactly what you mean as I like the rest of it.
I assume this really happened to you because it's listed in non-fiction so I only mean the above comment as a clarification of meaning.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm interested in hearing more about this from those of you who have been there. Blessings.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2009
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Thank you for taking the time to respond to this piece. Yes, I was trying to portray the beauty of Christ and the unsightliness of His crucifixion. I am glad you enjoyed this work and yes, this really happened to me. He has a smile for all of us, He is just waiting for us to respond. May God Bless
Comment from earthlybeing
This is a very intense story of the love and the beauty and sorrow of Jesus' story, and all that he gave us. Love your ending line it says it all. Well done. Thanks, Jeanette
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2009
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This is a very intense story of the love and the beauty and sorrow of Jesus' story, and all that he gave us. Love your ending line it says it all. Well done. Thanks, Jeanette
Comment Written 10-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2009
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Thank you for the awesome review. I am so glad you enjoyed the truth of this piece. God Bless
