Comment from Kingsland

Excellent

peace needs to be more than just a slogan on the ten O'clock news
or something that was sung about in the nineteen sixties
peace is what is portrayed in the John Lennon tune Imagine
peace is a way of life and not just a slogan
for each and everyone of us is a warrior
let us all be peaceful warriors... John

 Comment Written 15-Aug-2007

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reply by the author on 15-Aug-2007

Thank you very much for your rating and review. John is entirely correct and that would be the best starting point for all of us.

Comment from PatriciaLiteHickman

Excellent

I think your addition at the convention was good; well written; thought provoking and honest; nothing to correct; I couldn't agree more with the ending; well done!

 Comment Written 15-Aug-2007

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reply by the author on 15-Aug-2007

Thank you very much for your review, kind words and compliments. Normally I dismiss things like this, but this time, it bothered me enough to where the spirit moved me. I did my best.

reply by PatriciaLiteHickman on 16-Aug-2007

Well You done good! World Peace is such an important issue really and your work was so fitting! you are very welcome for the review :-) Tricia

Comment from HealingMuse

Excellent

Hi MikeK,

What a GREAT POEM!

Very nicely done.

Certainly a poignant topic!

Only one teeny suggestion for your consideration, if I may...

At the end you have "They'll" - did you mean "There'll?"

No other spag detected here.

GOOD FOR YOU -- that you went to this conference and that you don't take the bullying so prevalent in the world today! I don't victimize well, either (g)...

And, YES - "the system" does a GREAT job of re-victimizing survivors of crimes - especially in the domestic violence / sexual assault arena. Truly amazing...

Patriarchy at its ABSOLUTE worst!

Have you ever thought of becoming a victim advocate? (Often volunteer positions - at least to begin with...) This can be a VERY rewarding pursuit, at least it is for me! :) Men are VERY much in demand in this profession!!!

And I commend you for being SO in touch with your anima (contra-sexual component of men's psyches; as women have animus - the male dynamic), as referenced in your author's notes ("The Old Woman in me thought...").

Thank you so much for sharing your work with us all!!!

WRITE ON,

Jan

 Comment Written 15-Aug-2007

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reply by the author on 15-Aug-2007

Thank you very much for pointing out my SPAG. I became a fan of Poesy Poet and perhaps her poems have affected my speach. I ended up spelling it out , because I didn't think the contraction, "There'll," would work that well.

You're exactly right about the revictumization of people. Once I had enough and made my stand, even the police seemed to step aside and start praying that they didn't get that call. I felt that they believed that at least I was rightious.
- With my marriage and step daughter situation, I sure learned the dymanics of domestic abuse. My wife married me for the wrong reasons and eventually seperated because she felt that she wasn't getting enough out of me. My time is very limited but I do try to help people with my wisdom. With domestic situations, it is very hard to convince a victum that for the next person, they must wipe that slate clean and once again place faith in somebody. I tell them to take what they learn and apply it in finding that next person and their qualities. I also had to deal with death and dying people and my severely brain damaged mother (a cardiac arrest resulting in severe brain damage).

I want to also thank you for becoming a fan and your review and compliments. I post a variety of material and one piece I plan in the future is a short chapter book, "I'm My Child's Worst Handicap." It is about something that happened in my troop regarding another person, but includes dealing with dyslexia and some pitfalls with, "No Child Left Behind." First it generally deals with gainning the confidience in dealing with handicaped people. It easier when you realize that you are no exception to the rule and can become handicapped at any time, by any malidy and the role the golden rule plays in it. I tend to us the humor of situations to express my opinions.

Comment from winnie

Excellent

Hello MikeK,
Anything to do with world peace is a hit with me.
I love the sentiment of this piece.
If only we could make a difference.
Loved reading.

Fond regards,
winnie

 Comment Written 15-Aug-2007

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reply by the author on 15-Aug-2007

Thank you very much for your review and compliments. Make a difference? Personally we can, in our own ways; the golden rule comes to mind. I deal from time to time with a Palestinian Muslim who doesn't hesitate to let me know where he stands. The same as they say on the news. I then let him know where his words stand within my beliefs. I am at least honest. It wouldn't go over very well to argue with him, but let's say he calls terrorists freedon fighters. I replied, "Well, I see no harm in people blowing themselves up over God, he may even appreciate this. I feel the sin is when they take the life of an innocent person." You can see his mind working.

Comment from HalfHoff

Excellent

well, you definately had me set up and back in my chair prepared for a very lengthy read -- clever... I appreciate your views and agree with them. My only suggestion would be to 'break up' your longer lines for a smoother flow ... ie:
for our own sake
sometimes we must fight
I pray very hard
the world realizes
and does right

Of course, this would lengthen the write -- so? thank you. Lea Ann

 Comment Written 15-Aug-2007

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reply by the author on 15-Aug-2007

I really didn't mean to fool you. I looked at your suggestion and felt that the longer lines were better for this read. Thank you very much for your review.

Comment from T.S.J.

Excellent

World Peace is a nice concept but I feel it's not to be unless everyone get's on the same page I don't see that anywhere in the near future. It's something to work for though. Regards T.S.J.

 Comment Written 15-Aug-2007

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reply by the author on 15-Aug-2007

Thank you very much for your review. You're entirely right and until there isn't anything to gain from not striving for peace [too many reasons to list], this is the way it will be.

Comment from Ormund Trewart

Needs Improvement

First let me say that I completely agree with your sentiments, I feel that your rhyme scheme is interfering too much with your flow of thought.

Maybe you could make the link between internal peace and external peace more explicit. But then you wrote it under time pressure and without the time to polish it. Your notes are interesting, might make a better story than your poem if you can fictionalize it sufficiently to be able change it if you need to.

Our own stories are often the hardest ones to write.

keep working on it.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 15-Aug-2007

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reply by the author on 15-Aug-2007

I just wanted to provide a little backround so that people would see the logic behind the poem. I almost wrote it up as an essay, but was afraid that would over shadow the poem. If I ever include this in a book, I will expand with other stories.

Comment from Oatmeal

Excellent

MikeK,

And many years ago when I was an entertainer at Ft Hood the men would line up to get into the bar every Thurs-Fri-Sat. They were not lining up to watch us take our clothes off. Theyn wanted to see whose ass I was going to kick that week! LOL My boss, a 300 pond Italian told me that he was going to take down the stages and put up a ring for me!

Both the owner and the manager weighed approximately 300 ponds each but you never know when a little girl my size gets her feelings hurt or gets disrespected! Someone was going down and it surely wasn't me!

I read your poem and your notes. I vote for peace far before I vote for war! I saw the kids that would come to the bar go out to Desert Storm. This is when I first got sick. I never saw the kids again. I am sure that they are alright but their faces flash through my mind and i pray that they are back home with their families.

Thank you for sharing your beautiful words. I agree with you all of the way!

There was no SPAG. No typos. No homophones. No problems at all.

I look forward to seeing you again.

Love you,

Oatmeal

 Comment Written 15-Aug-2007

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reply by the author on 15-Aug-2007

I love your story. In the poem I mentioned that peace is my first choice. I felt that it would be counter productive to mention the second response. Most service men come home and do well, I at least thank them and they do believe in what they are doing and I enjoy their view and knowledge on such matters. Thank you very much for your compliments and review.
Take care, Mike

Comment from Rightwriter

Excellent

Very nicely done, and within your words there is hope that this, indeed can happen. It's nice to read something like that in today's riff raff. Your poem flowed nicely and brought wonderful points into it. I saw no spags and really enjoyed reading it. I stand with you in peace, my friend!
Donna

 Comment Written 15-Aug-2007

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reply by the author on 15-Aug-2007

Thank you very much! Also for your compliments and review.

Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear

Excellent

PUN IN WORLD PEACE ENDEAVOR!

Gorgeous is this thought has free flow of thoughts, the mission achieved, the message is clear, convincing and beckoning I liked it much for its appeal and pun.

It was a pleasant read.

 Comment Written 15-Aug-2007

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reply by the author on 15-Aug-2007

Thank you so much for your review and compliments.