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100 word dash23 total reviews
Comment from papa55mike
You need to make sure she's dead before searching the room. I love the twist and the cliffhanger. What a wonderfully written story.
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 18-May-2022
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You need to make sure she's dead before searching the room. I love the twist and the cliffhanger. What a wonderfully written story.
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 18-May-2022
reply by the author on 18-May-2022
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Something they never seem to do in horror flick's lol. Thank you for the awesome review, my friend.
God bless
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Oh my goodness! Revenge is sweet and this violent struggle ended in at least one death. I was on the edge of my seat here, good luck with the contest, my life flashed before me here, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 18-May-2022
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Oh my goodness! Revenge is sweet and this violent struggle ended in at least one death. I was on the edge of my seat here, good luck with the contest, my life flashed before me here, love Dolly x
Comment Written 18-May-2022
reply by the author on 18-May-2022
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Thank you for the awesome review, Dolly. I enjoyed trying to harness this one within 100 words.
God bless!
Comment from Fleedleflump
An interesting scene from a thriller story with a good sense of place and character. I enjoyed reading it, but think it might be more powerful without the conclusion - it could end when she releases the arrow, leaving us to wonder whether she was successful.
spag notes:
'Sadie grabbed the bow sliding the arrow into place. She held the bow with her feet pulling it back with her right hand.' - need commas after 'bow' and 'feet'
'Sadie's eyes opened, scanning the room in silence; her vision blurred.' - the last bit feels like wasted words as it doesn't add anything. Perhaps 'Sadie's eyes opened, scanning the blurry room in silence.'
Just a thought - I very much enjoyed.
Mike
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-May-2022
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An interesting scene from a thriller story with a good sense of place and character. I enjoyed reading it, but think it might be more powerful without the conclusion - it could end when she releases the arrow, leaving us to wonder whether she was successful.
spag notes:
'Sadie grabbed the bow sliding the arrow into place. She held the bow with her feet pulling it back with her right hand.' - need commas after 'bow' and 'feet'
'Sadie's eyes opened, scanning the room in silence; her vision blurred.' - the last bit feels like wasted words as it doesn't add anything. Perhaps 'Sadie's eyes opened, scanning the blurry room in silence.'
Just a thought - I very much enjoyed.
Mike
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-May-2022
reply by the author on 18-May-2022
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Thank you for the awesome review and suggestions. I have revised this on a bit if you don't mind looking it over once more.
God bless!
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It reads much better now - I can see you've done a thorough redraft. It's a great little scene :-)
Mike
