Tucker - (Part -1)
An offer, too good to refuse . . . ?67 total reviews
Comment from Realist101
Hi there! I'm impressed with the flow and realistic dialoge in this.
And love the surprise ending too. I sort of expected a gunshot or knife attack. ð???
I give u my vote
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2021
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Hi there! I'm impressed with the flow and realistic dialoge in this.
And love the surprise ending too. I sort of expected a gunshot or knife attack. ð???
I give u my vote
Comment Written 05-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2021
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Thank you so much, Realist101, for your kind words and generous review. This is another one of my intentionally over described stories to add a little fun and entertainment to the mix. I appreciate your vote of encouragement. And most of all, I'm glad that you liked it. Much appreciated!
Comment from Yardier
But after much thought, Tuck would never be bought with irresistible benefits and bonuses to become involved in Daniel's illegal ventures. And he refused to be played as a bonehead patsy or forced to associate with worldwide underworld connections. So, he went to work...
...Writing
Ric, I'm not one to nit-pick punctuation or grammar, I lack that skill, thank God. I am a storyteller as are you and, I know a good story or premise when I read/hear one. Most good stories begin with the story teller's experience redrafted as fiction... I suspect the idea of this story was seeded while you slurped waffles/pancakes at the Hawthorne Grill.
I may be wrong about the location but I don't think I'm too far off.
It's hard to not see the beginning of any story no matter what one does or where they find themselves. The hook is everywhere we look. The hard part is finishing the damn thing.
This is a good story and I look forward to the rest. Yardier
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2021
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But after much thought, Tuck would never be bought with irresistible benefits and bonuses to become involved in Daniel's illegal ventures. And he refused to be played as a bonehead patsy or forced to associate with worldwide underworld connections. So, he went to work...
...Writing
Ric, I'm not one to nit-pick punctuation or grammar, I lack that skill, thank God. I am a storyteller as are you and, I know a good story or premise when I read/hear one. Most good stories begin with the story teller's experience redrafted as fiction... I suspect the idea of this story was seeded while you slurped waffles/pancakes at the Hawthorne Grill.
I may be wrong about the location but I don't think I'm too far off.
It's hard to not see the beginning of any story no matter what one does or where they find themselves. The hook is everywhere we look. The hard part is finishing the damn thing.
This is a good story and I look forward to the rest. Yardier
Comment Written 04-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2021
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Thank you so much, Yardier, for your extra-special six-star review, comments, and suggestion. Not everyone gets my overwritten stories, which I write that way to make them sound more fictional and foolish. When in real life, as you, who I expected to figure out, understand these aren't the comic book characters and story it reads like. Taken from real people and real situations that only get worse. And yes, it sure could have happened at the Hawthorne Grill, and similarly things often did. LOL. But, this story happened in New Orleans, LA where I kept horses stabled from November to April for many years. Those coonass Cajuns were/are a badass bunch, but the hills of Kentucky and the streets of Los Angeles seem to produce a don't give a damn attitude without enough sense to be afraid. Thank you for your kindness and encouragement.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Ric,
This is a sound introduction to character, but I have to say I was expecting something more. Not sure if this is just that introduction, the start of something more or what, if you see what I mean.
There's some good descriptive work in here but I think some of it needs a second look as it doesn't always add up. It's nothing massive but there's a bit of over-writing in places as well.
The rule of thumb these days is that one robust descriptor is more favourable than string of them. I get it may be a style thing but it is something to bear in mind.
English collared, heavily starched pinpoint-oxford shirts. Thin, to nearly transparent, the delicate fabric revealed every muscle-rippling - I don't think the descriptions fully work here. When something is heavily starched, it takes on a certain stiffness and rigidity, not delicate and revealing.
Tuck maintained his typical cool composure: all but the sound of gritting teeth, a twitching lip, and the bulge of his jaw muscles. - again I'm not convinced with the descriptions. They seem to contradict.
which seemingly took forever. - perhaps consider changing the word order here to - which took, seemingly, forever.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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Hi Ric,
This is a sound introduction to character, but I have to say I was expecting something more. Not sure if this is just that introduction, the start of something more or what, if you see what I mean.
There's some good descriptive work in here but I think some of it needs a second look as it doesn't always add up. It's nothing massive but there's a bit of over-writing in places as well.
The rule of thumb these days is that one robust descriptor is more favourable than string of them. I get it may be a style thing but it is something to bear in mind.
English collared, heavily starched pinpoint-oxford shirts. Thin, to nearly transparent, the delicate fabric revealed every muscle-rippling - I don't think the descriptions fully work here. When something is heavily starched, it takes on a certain stiffness and rigidity, not delicate and revealing.
Tuck maintained his typical cool composure: all but the sound of gritting teeth, a twitching lip, and the bulge of his jaw muscles. - again I'm not convinced with the descriptions. They seem to contradict.
which seemingly took forever. - perhaps consider changing the word order here to - which took, seemingly, forever.
All the best
G
Comment Written 12-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2021
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Thanks so much, G, for taking time to read, your comments, and the generous review. Actually, the characters I've mentioned did starch delicate materials, which did little to hide the muscles beneath. Although, most of what I've written was to create cartoonish characters, intentionally over written for affect, where rambling speakers put on a show for the crowd. Almost, a replica of what happened in real life. It's fiction, but as most everything we write, it's taken from actual characters and events. I appreciate your comments and suggestions. Ric
Comment from NANCY V. FORREST
I like Sam's style. The setting, the character descriptions and the dialogue put a clear comaprison between glitz and solid, between self absorbed and self respect--both wih a touch of over the top.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2021
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I like Sam's style. The setting, the character descriptions and the dialogue put a clear comaprison between glitz and solid, between self absorbed and self respect--both wih a touch of over the top.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much, Nancy, for your kind words and generous review. As with everything I, and most of us, write as fiction, there is a whole lot of truth in this story and its characters. Although, embellished to a degree to protect the innocent, or not-so innocent. LOL. I appreciate your comments!
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:-)
Comment from Trevor Holden
Excellent stuff Ric, you've got a very interesting and unique style and a knack for clever narrative. I enjoyed this a lot. It was witty interesting and descriptive and had good character development and definitely made me want to know 'what happens next'. I have nothing to add really except 'keep it coming' well done and thankyou for sharing..
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2021
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Excellent stuff Ric, you've got a very interesting and unique style and a knack for clever narrative. I enjoyed this a lot. It was witty interesting and descriptive and had good character development and definitely made me want to know 'what happens next'. I have nothing to add really except 'keep it coming' well done and thankyou for sharing..
Comment Written 10-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much, Trevor, for your extra-special six-star review. I'm glad you were entertained and are interested in finding out where the story goes. I wasn't sure how readers would accept this piece, but have been pleasantly surprised. It's the kindness and encouraging reviews like yours that have kept an old hack striving to get better. I can't thank you enough for a wonderful review that has made my week! I appreciate YOU!
Comment from nomi338
Man oh man oh man! Dude you can write! I not only cannot wait to read the next installment. I want to see this story onscreen as soon as possible. I was right there during the whole shebang. I was so engrossed that I was totally pissed when it ended. I was like "Oh no he did not choose to end it here and now!" All that I can say right now is hurry up this way again.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2021
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Man oh man oh man! Dude you can write! I not only cannot wait to read the next installment. I want to see this story onscreen as soon as possible. I was right there during the whole shebang. I was so engrossed that I was totally pissed when it ended. I was like "Oh no he did not choose to end it here and now!" All that I can say right now is hurry up this way again.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2021
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I can't ever remember a review exciting me so much! Nomi338, my man, I'm so happy that you liked it and can't thank you enough for the extra-special six-star review. You've made my week! I had a lot of fun writing this, and as with every fictional story I write, there is a whole lot of truth to the story and the quirky characters. LOL. It's the kindness and encouragement like yours that has kept me writing and striving to get better. And now, thanks to you, I get to spend the day basking in joy of your review. I appreciate YOU, my friend!
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Just keep on writing. You just might have a future in this business.
Comment from Hitcher
Well the banter and attitude of both men helped set the mood of a compelling scene. I was convinced the two goons where going to be called upon to deal out some kind of punishment.
The fact that Tucker ended up with the letter revealing what could be his makes one wonder who the missing person is and why they are so important to Farnsworth. Nice!
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2021
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Well the banter and attitude of both men helped set the mood of a compelling scene. I was convinced the two goons where going to be called upon to deal out some kind of punishment.
The fact that Tucker ended up with the letter revealing what could be his makes one wonder who the missing person is and why they are so important to Farnsworth. Nice!
Comment Written 09-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much, Hitcher, for your kind words and generous review. I left a lot of holes in this one like, Katie, the girl Tuck thinks about, why the goons weren't a bigger factor, and just who, why, and what the big bucks were for. LOL. Your kindness and encouragement is great appreciated!
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They are all holes you can fill should you choose to continue on with the story. If you do let me know and I will be happy to come along for the ride : ))
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Thanks! I appreciate YOU! After much thought, I've written a three or four sentence twist at the end that changes the whole story.
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Yep, that is a different twist and the fact Tucker is now looking into him gives the reader the idea they are on a collision course one way of another.
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I hope you like the change, since I'm still not sure. Appreciate you going back to check it out!
Comment from royowen
Well that sounds like brilliant recompense, a cheque for $20,000 and a licences to practice in 6 states, and an office to set himself up in. So Daniel has got Tuck's attention in spades, I wish someone would hire me! Your usual highly skilled written piece, Ric, I loved this most imaginative piece, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021
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Well that sounds like brilliant recompense, a cheque for $20,000 and a licences to practice in 6 states, and an office to set himself up in. So Daniel has got Tuck's attention in spades, I wish someone would hire me! Your usual highly skilled written piece, Ric, I loved this most imaginative piece, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 09-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021
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I can't thank you enough, Roy, for another of your kind and encouraging reviews. It's always a pleasure to get your thoughts and opinions from such a gifted poet and wordsmith. I appreciate YOU! God bless!
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Bless you
Comment from Eunice Amero
Money talks and Daniel knew just how to say it? or do it? He got Tuck's attention after he checked his mail. I wouldn't refuse that. This was a good story. You're good at writing these kinds of stories. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021
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Money talks and Daniel knew just how to say it? or do it? He got Tuck's attention after he checked his mail. I wouldn't refuse that. This was a good story. You're good at writing these kinds of stories. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much, Eunice, for taking time to read another of my stories. Your kind words and generous review is what keeps me trying to work and get better. But it's only made possible by continued support and encouragement from fellow writers like you. I appreciate YOU!
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You are more than welcome. Keep up the good work.
Comment from NABattaglia
Great work on this. Technically very sound. The way you used description and dialogue is exceptional. This is a great piece substantively and on the technical basis. It is clear you spent a lot of time reviewing and editing this piece.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021
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Great work on this. Technically very sound. The way you used description and dialogue is exceptional. This is a great piece substantively and on the technical basis. It is clear you spent a lot of time reviewing and editing this piece.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2021
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Thank you so much, NABattaglia, for your kind words and generous review. In truth, I do very little editing and polishing. I write too fast, and seldom do more than a quick run-through before posting, which usually leaves mistakes that I don't catch. Luckily, there weren't many on this one, and the few I didn't catch, were found by the few great readers. I appreciate your kindness and encouragement. It's reviews like yours that motivate us to work harder and get better. Much appreciated!
