Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Over the Top 1914 Eastern Front"A book of Poetry & Writing
238 total reviews
Comment from FredCollingwood
Great poem. I can't imagine the courage it required to engage in hand-to-hand bayonet combat. Your poetry is always excellent.
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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Great poem. I can't imagine the courage it required to engage in hand-to-hand bayonet combat. Your poetry is always excellent.
Comment Written 23-May-2010
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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thank you Fred for reading this Gary
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Oh, how sorrowful is this, Gary!!
The first world war must have been
absolute horror - all the life lost
and then those who returned, carrying
hidden wounds to the spirit and mind -
not the men they once were..... sometimes
years since they had last seen their
loved ones.
But what lessons were learnt? Still we
are fighting wars, leaving yet more widows
and orphans, and the walking wounded.
Margaret.
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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Oh, how sorrowful is this, Gary!!
The first world war must have been
absolute horror - all the life lost
and then those who returned, carrying
hidden wounds to the spirit and mind -
not the men they once were..... sometimes
years since they had last seen their
loved ones.
But what lessons were learnt? Still we
are fighting wars, leaving yet more widows
and orphans, and the walking wounded.
Margaret.
Comment Written 23-May-2010
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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thanyou for your comments Margaret
Comment from Alexander E Poet
I thought this was insightful food for thought and thought provoking , have never seen is poetic form before but I enjoyed a story that it it conveyed very colorful and well done. No errors of mistakes Alexander
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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I thought this was insightful food for thought and thought provoking , have never seen is poetic form before but I enjoyed a story that it it conveyed very colorful and well done. No errors of mistakes Alexander
Comment Written 23-May-2010
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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thank you Alex for reading
Comment from RADIO
Great writing with powerful words
and insight and the more I read of
this war it is amazing how so many
were needlessly slaughtered. I'm
reading an excellent book of the great war.
"The remanins of Company D."
Radio
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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Great writing with powerful words
and insight and the more I read of
this war it is amazing how so many
were needlessly slaughtered. I'm
reading an excellent book of the great war.
"The remanins of Company D."
Radio
Comment Written 23-May-2010
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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thank you Radio
Comment from ryanlion
the first world war was awful, i like stories about individuals raahte than the all out action ones, which is why i wrote a book about one such person, your poem get the views of such a person across very well and what he thinks aboutthe entire war
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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the first world war was awful, i like stories about individuals raahte than the all out action ones, which is why i wrote a book about one such person, your poem get the views of such a person across very well and what he thinks aboutthe entire war
Comment Written 23-May-2010
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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thank you Ryan
Comment from GregoryC
The meter is off in places, i.e. "What evil times have carnage chosen." The first three lines of the stanza has different possessives - "Our," "My", "You" - keep to one, either first person, third, etc.
I Don't really think this makes sense:
"You tell us that our strength was sold
To help your country back" --
First of all, what does this mean? Secondly, who told you this? Who is the "You," in this statement?
The final line, "Now fix bayonets went the battle cry," just doesn't fit at all. "Now fix bayonets," should be in quotes also...
You've captured the emotional pitch and sentiment, but they aren't focused. You've attempted a bloody, down-to-earth form but it lacks conviction or direction. You seem to suggest someone was martyred - you perhaps? "My wounds will blister black," and the rest of the lines are not connected in any way. They are separate thoughts that go in different directions.
In your attempt to build a case for the attack "over the top", it falls flat. My suggestion would be not to try and rhyme the piece, but work it as a free verse poem and keep to one theme - "over the top",
Gregory
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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The meter is off in places, i.e. "What evil times have carnage chosen." The first three lines of the stanza has different possessives - "Our," "My", "You" - keep to one, either first person, third, etc.
I Don't really think this makes sense:
"You tell us that our strength was sold
To help your country back" --
First of all, what does this mean? Secondly, who told you this? Who is the "You," in this statement?
The final line, "Now fix bayonets went the battle cry," just doesn't fit at all. "Now fix bayonets," should be in quotes also...
You've captured the emotional pitch and sentiment, but they aren't focused. You've attempted a bloody, down-to-earth form but it lacks conviction or direction. You seem to suggest someone was martyred - you perhaps? "My wounds will blister black," and the rest of the lines are not connected in any way. They are separate thoughts that go in different directions.
In your attempt to build a case for the attack "over the top", it falls flat. My suggestion would be not to try and rhyme the piece, but work it as a free verse poem and keep to one theme - "over the top",
Gregory
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-May-2010
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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Hi Big G when you going to write
Comment from Kingsland
I liked what I read here but it is kind of wanting for more. Your ending was just not a finish. It was rather just an opening for more. I think you could easily add a part two to this good piece of poetic thinking... John
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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I liked what I read here but it is kind of wanting for more. Your ending was just not a finish. It was rather just an opening for more. I think you could easily add a part two to this good piece of poetic thinking... John
Comment Written 23-May-2010
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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thanks for reading John
Comment from mtngalofnc
Hi Gary,
A powerful and emotional view of war. This poem has a good flow and energy. I enjoyed the read very much. Thank you for sharing.
Becky
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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Hi Gary,
A powerful and emotional view of war. This poem has a good flow and energy. I enjoyed the read very much. Thank you for sharing.
Becky
Comment Written 23-May-2010
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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thank you Becky
Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas
Your poetry is always theme-based, and your presentation is good. The flow and rhythm is there.
We are ready to make our stand
Now fix bayonets went the battle cry[ Good lines]
K
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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Your poetry is always theme-based, and your presentation is good. The flow and rhythm is there.
We are ready to make our stand
Now fix bayonets went the battle cry[ Good lines]
K
Comment Written 23-May-2010
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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thanks Kashif
Comment from Hitcher
OH! I enjoyed reading this one friend, the visuals are powerful, the emotions stir, and your words flow effortlessly along making for a refined read...VERY IMPRESSIVE Deepwater!
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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OH! I enjoyed reading this one friend, the visuals are powerful, the emotions stir, and your words flow effortlessly along making for a refined read...VERY IMPRESSIVE Deepwater!
Comment Written 23-May-2010
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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thank you for reading Hitcher and the 6 stars...smiling
Gary
