A Compilation of Short stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 80 "Tiananmen Square"Expressions
27 total reviews
Comment from Margaret Bednar
What an experience, in Tienanmen Square, empty except for soldiers armed with weapons. I'd gladly read MORE about that feeling, what it looked like, use all the senses writing about it. Not many experienced being there so soon after. I would suggest going back and really focusing on your emotions and what you saw. For me, this should be the focus of this story.
The first and second stanza - seem to repeat some information. Is it possible to blend the first two paragraphs together?
The whole world looked on in amazement, as (I don't think the comma is needed)
reword the following so the two "buts" aren't so close together? :
To leave it all behind and go back to my safe family life in my little but safe country.
But, of course, there was no escape.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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What an experience, in Tienanmen Square, empty except for soldiers armed with weapons. I'd gladly read MORE about that feeling, what it looked like, use all the senses writing about it. Not many experienced being there so soon after. I would suggest going back and really focusing on your emotions and what you saw. For me, this should be the focus of this story.
The first and second stanza - seem to repeat some information. Is it possible to blend the first two paragraphs together?
The whole world looked on in amazement, as (I don't think the comma is needed)
reword the following so the two "buts" aren't so close together? :
To leave it all behind and go back to my safe family life in my little but safe country.
But, of course, there was no escape.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Thanks a lot, Margaret, and I appreciate the corrections and I've done them and some more. I know what you're saying. Of course I can expand on this. But the contest calls for a memoir, and that's what this is. A reflection on a moment in time. I hope that makes sense. Thanks again, Ulla:)))
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A memoir certainly can use description - I didn't mean the whole thing should be a description, just I'd think the visual and sensory impact of the square would have been burned into your memory - I'd love to hear that IN your memoir. I think it would make a stronger piece.
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Okay, I've taken that onboard. I see what I can do. I love to be puched like this. Ulla:)))
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Its just that... how many (how few!) people were in your shoes... We've all seen that image of one person standing before the four tanks... I mean how did it feel seeing the place...
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I've just added something. Not much, but I hope it brings home how utterly devastated we all felt. Just writing this and editing makes me cry every time. I need to move on. I just wanted to share how it was to be there. Thanks for all your help. :)))
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I'm not sure what you added - but I understand you are done with it :)
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I've just added a long sentence towards the very end, which deepens the sense of horror. Well, at least to me, it does. Thanks for all your coaching. I so appreciate it. :)))
Comment from Ben Colder
I was glued to this write. I felt the China things knowing the history of that moment. My mind went to 1956- Oct when several thousands of us soldiers waited in Europe to tangle with Russia. They had just entered Budapest Hungary and we were ready.
Very good write. My best to you.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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I was glued to this write. I felt the China things knowing the history of that moment. My mind went to 1956- Oct when several thousands of us soldiers waited in Europe to tangle with Russia. They had just entered Budapest Hungary and we were ready.
Very good write. My best to you.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Thank you so very much, Ben. Yes, I do know what you mean. I remember the Hungary crisis. I was only four years old but clued to the tv, all the same, together with my parents. We all held our collective breath. Europe was very frightened. All best. Ulla:)))
Comment from Gloria ....
This is a great entry into the non-fiction contest. I have never been to China, so I much appreciated your observations after the massacre.
You painted an eerie and sombre tone with this entry. I can't even imagine what it must've been like.
Just a couple of points:
Title: Tiananmen Square.
I'd known for some time that I was going to China, to Beijing or Peking, as it was still called back in the eighties.
who said he had a small bus waiting for us to take us to our hotel.
the same unnerving fear having its grip on the multi million (multi-million) population of this city
he said that we would be taken to The Tienanmen (Tiananmen) Square
but what made us shiver was it's (its) infinite emptiness
I wish you much luck with the Committee with this atmospheric write.
Gloria
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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This is a great entry into the non-fiction contest. I have never been to China, so I much appreciated your observations after the massacre.
You painted an eerie and sombre tone with this entry. I can't even imagine what it must've been like.
Just a couple of points:
Title: Tiananmen Square.
I'd known for some time that I was going to China, to Beijing or Peking, as it was still called back in the eighties.
who said he had a small bus waiting
the same unnerving fear having its grip on the multi million (multi-million) population of this city
he said that we would be taken to The Tienanmen (Tiananmen) Square
but what made us shiver was it's (its) infinite emptiness
I wish you much luck with the Committee with this atmospheric write.
Gloria
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Thank you so much, Gloria, and for your lovely comments and review. I've made all the corrections and a few more. It should read okay, by now. About the spelling of the Square the spell check kept correcting me so in the end, I went along with it. Thought that something had changed. Now it's back to its correct spelling. All best. Ulla:)))
Comment from Irish Rain
Wow.
Unreal.
I'm sure this has got to be the winner
of this contest.
I didn't know you were on a flight crew.
Totally awesome!
I can't begin to imagine what you must
have felt.
I had the chance to go to where the World
Trade Centers once stood a few years ago.
I was in New York. But I didn't. Even the
thought of it made me sad.
Beautiful, sad, and wonderfully told.
Blessings...
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Wow.
Unreal.
I'm sure this has got to be the winner
of this contest.
I didn't know you were on a flight crew.
Totally awesome!
I can't begin to imagine what you must
have felt.
I had the chance to go to where the World
Trade Centers once stood a few years ago.
I was in New York. But I didn't. Even the
thought of it made me sad.
Beautiful, sad, and wonderfully told.
Blessings...
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Awe, thank you so very much for the review and the lovely extra star. I so appreciate it.
Yes, I flew for twenty years with Scandinavian Airlines. After that I moved to Britain and later on to Spain in 2003, where I will be for the rest of my life. I have my daughter, her husband, and 3 granddaughters in Denmark, and my brother and his family is MA. I'm half American. Something I learned back in 2003. Very long story.
Actually, you mention the towers. I was there in 1993 when they were bombed the first time. My crew hotel, Hilton was in Tower One. We had to be evacuated. Another long story.
I cried so hard on 9/11 when it happened. Those towers had been part of my life for twenty years. Thank you so much for your lovely review. Ulla:)))
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Wow, just remarkable.
My sister's in-laws came to visit the day before 911. She lived in New York then, they were supposed to go to the towers that morning, but didn't make it in time. Thank goodness.
I STILL am shocked by the cruelty of this world...I guess I always will be.
Have a great week!!
Comment from DeboraDyess
What an incredible experience, Ulla. So few westerners got to see anything of that period of time there in China. You end on such a haunting note. And now, all these years later, not many younger people know anything about it.
One thought ...
tour of the city in say two hours. >> tour of the city in, say, two hours.
This is a wonderful, unsettling contest entry. Bst of luck,
Blessings,
Deb
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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What an incredible experience, Ulla. So few westerners got to see anything of that period of time there in China. You end on such a haunting note. And now, all these years later, not many younger people know anything about it.
One thought ...
tour of the city in say two hours. >> tour of the city in, say, two hours.
This is a wonderful, unsettling contest entry. Bst of luck,
Blessings,
Deb
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Thank you so much, Debora. yes, I've been lucky to have been to so many places all over the world, and had a few experiences. Thank you so much, again. Ulla:)))
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for sharing your story from these difficult times. You made the immenseness of the Square very vivid along with its being devoid of citizens and visitors but filled with armed soldiers. I am relieved you made it back safely and best wishes in the contest- Joan
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Thank you for sharing your story from these difficult times. You made the immenseness of the Square very vivid along with its being devoid of citizens and visitors but filled with armed soldiers. I am relieved you made it back safely and best wishes in the contest- Joan
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Thank you so much, JJoan. I so appreciate your lovely comments. Ulla:)))
Comment from Pantygynt
An interesting memoir and one that passes on the essential feeling of unease that besets travellers from free countries when visiting totalitarian states. I had a similar feeling during my visit to Poland in 1967.
A few minor points:
'we were met by a gentle man in his early thirties,' -- gentleman is one word.
'Franco's second in command were blown to high heaven' -- subject is singular so verb should be 'was'
'Who was a fellow student' -- your guide was a lecturer so the driver was not a fellow student just a student. Had your guide been a student then fellow student would have been correct.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2020
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An interesting memoir and one that passes on the essential feeling of unease that besets travellers from free countries when visiting totalitarian states. I had a similar feeling during my visit to Poland in 1967.
A few minor points:
'we were met by a gentle man in his early thirties,' -- gentleman is one word.
'Franco's second in command were blown to high heaven' -- subject is singular so verb should be 'was'
'Who was a fellow student' -- your guide was a lecturer so the driver was not a fellow student just a student. Had your guide been a student then fellow student would have been correct.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2020
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Thank you so much, Jim. I'm so glad you liked it and the edits were done severaldays ago. Thanks for pointing them out. Ulla:))
Comment from Sankey
This was very well written and how great as a personal experience following something we all saw, worldwide in the news. Now spags and suggestions. by a gentle[delete s[ace] man in second in command w[ere](as) blown to high
Probably don't need comma's in the following...all there, and, like
We had all caught on[to] that he didn't want to say too much
Suggest a link to your autobiography in author notes about your stewardess days if you need help with the link let me know. Wish you well in the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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This was very well written and how great as a personal experience following something we all saw, worldwide in the news. Now spags and suggestions. by a gentle[delete s[ace] man in second in command w[ere](as) blown to high
Probably don't need comma's in the following...all there, and, like
We had all caught on[to] that he didn't want to say too much
Suggest a link to your autobiography in author notes about your stewardess days if you need help with the link let me know. Wish you well in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
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Thanks a lot, Geoff, for a wonderful review. No, I didn't mean gentleman. I meant what I said that he he was a gentle young man. Many Asian men are just that. I have made the corrections and many more. Warm regards. Ulla:)))
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I did wonder about the gentle man. He sounded lovely but sad he is stuck in that awful place. We are seeing more of China's draconian behaviour these days, so appropriate your posting this right now!
Comment from royowen
Yes, this should always be brought back to mind. The horrors of totalitarianism remains with, it's funny this veil of flesh that we wear is merely a narrow covering between us and the raging emotion that lies underneath. Beautifully written Ulla and well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2020
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Yes, this should always be brought back to mind. The horrors of totalitarianism remains with, it's funny this veil of flesh that we wear is merely a narrow covering between us and the raging emotion that lies underneath. Beautifully written Ulla and well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2020
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Absolutely. We always have to be on the guard. Thanks for such a lovely review. Ulla:)))
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Good job
Comment from BethShelby
This is some story. Just to be in that place so shortly after that terrible tragedy. Your words make me feel like I was there as well. You hve a way with words. Great entry for the tell you story contest.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
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This is some story. Just to be in that place so shortly after that terrible tragedy. Your words make me feel like I was there as well. You hve a way with words. Great entry for the tell you story contest.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
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Thank you so much, Beth. Yes it was poignant, and I had tears in my eyes when I wrote this. It all came back even after so many years. Ulla:)))
