Morning Crisp Air
Haiku Contest Entry 4/7/521 total reviews
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Gypsy Blue Rose
Your haiku reminds me when I was a child, how I loved to walk int the damped moss it would be nice if I heard a dog bark.
Gert
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2020
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Hello Gypsy Blue Rose
Your haiku reminds me when I was a child, how I loved to walk int the damped moss it would be nice if I heard a dog bark.
Gert
Comment Written 28-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2020
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Thank you very much for the review 😊
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You are welcome Gypsy Blue Rose
Gert
Comment from June Sargent
The feel of an early autumn morning was successfully captured in this lovely and well crafted haiku. I love the accompanying artwork as well. Beautiful sentiments.
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2020
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The feel of an early autumn morning was successfully captured in this lovely and well crafted haiku. I love the accompanying artwork as well. Beautiful sentiments.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2020
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Thank you very much for the review 😊
Comment from djsaxon
Haiku it is. Nice. I liked the split ie: 'barks in the distance'. Great image. Good luck in the comp. I won;t enter the comp but you have inspired me to write a haiku - Cheers DJ
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2020
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Haiku it is. Nice. I liked the split ie: 'barks in the distance'. Great image. Good luck in the comp. I won;t enter the comp but you have inspired me to write a haiku - Cheers DJ
Comment Written 28-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2020
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I'm so glad I inspired you...I would like to read it when it's done. Thank you very much for the review 😊
Comment from Darlene Franklin
I like the mood of morning air blankets the mossy paths. It just feels like fall, the extended hours of darknesses, the increasing ground cover underfoot. I confess I'm puzzled by the bark. Is it a dog or is it a metaphor for something else?
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2020
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I like the mood of morning air blankets the mossy paths. It just feels like fall, the extended hours of darknesses, the increasing ground cover underfoot. I confess I'm puzzled by the bark. Is it a dog or is it a metaphor for something else?
Comment Written 28-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2020
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It's a dog in the distance...just to complete the visual auditory effect. Thank you very much for the review 😊
Comment from Lu Saluna
I get an image of fresh morning air leaving a cool mist on a bed of moss which highlights foot steps glistening in the morning. In the distance a dog can be heard barking.
Lovely haiku.
A question for you, Gypsy. Is there some hard and fast rule of how to write the title of a haiku?? I know we don't give them titles but does it really matter how we title them for FanStory?
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2020
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I get an image of fresh morning air leaving a cool mist on a bed of moss which highlights foot steps glistening in the morning. In the distance a dog can be heard barking.
Lovely haiku.
A question for you, Gypsy. Is there some hard and fast rule of how to write the title of a haiku?? I know we don't give them titles but does it really matter how we title them for FanStory?
Comment Written 28-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2020
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No, most hayku are not titled but we have to put something for fanstory.
Thank you very much for the review 😊❤️
Comment from Mia Twysted
I love the image that comes from this piece. It speaks of a change in the world going from night to day. The world around awakes as the creators of the night say their last farewells.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2020
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I love the image that comes from this piece. It speaks of a change in the world going from night to day. The world around awakes as the creators of the night say their last farewells.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2020
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Thank you very much for the review 😊
Comment from lyenochka
Nice depiction in your haiku of a morning covering a village and the sense of civilization is covered by the "barks in the distance." I know that haiku doesn't have titles but uses the first line. Did you mean for the title to use "blankets" instead of "covers?"
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2020
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Nice depiction in your haiku of a morning covering a village and the sense of civilization is covered by the "barks in the distance." I know that haiku doesn't have titles but uses the first line. Did you mean for the title to use "blankets" instead of "covers?"
Comment Written 28-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2020
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Hello, Iyenochka, thank you for letting me know about the title. I changed the first line and forgot the title. Thank you for the review.
gypsy
Comment from Mark Schardine
morning air blankets
the dark path's moss sprinkled steps --
barks in the distance
The last line makes us think. We hear but do not see. We stay alert, and listen for the sounds to come closer.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2020
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morning air blankets
the dark path's moss sprinkled steps --
barks in the distance
The last line makes us think. We hear but do not see. We stay alert, and listen for the sounds to come closer.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2020
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Thank you for the review, Mark.
gypsy
Comment from Susan X Smith
This is a lovely little poem. The colors of the image remind me of a Van Gogh painting. Your words are well chosen and I enjoyed reading this one. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2020
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This is a lovely little poem. The colors of the image remind me of a Van Gogh painting. Your words are well chosen and I enjoyed reading this one. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2020
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Thank you, Susan :)
Comment from Janilou
morning air covers
the dark path's moss sprinkled steps --
barks in the distance
Your words paint a vivid picture in the reader's mind. Well done. If I had to make any suggestions, I wanted to read
morning air blankets
but that's just me.
It's a good haiku. All the best in the contest.
Jan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2020
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morning air covers
the dark path's moss sprinkled steps --
barks in the distance
Your words paint a vivid picture in the reader's mind. Well done. If I had to make any suggestions, I wanted to read
morning air blankets
but that's just me.
It's a good haiku. All the best in the contest.
Jan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2020
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thank you, Jan, :)
