Blended Reality
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Green Machine"A collection of stories: Some True, some not
35 total reviews
Comment from Mistydawn
It's a beautiful car for sure. I can see why you fell head over heels. I had a 68 Cornett (Netty) that I loved. The story is well-written, interesting. Thank you for sharing your memory with us.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2019
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It's a beautiful car for sure. I can see why you fell head over heels. I had a 68 Cornett (Netty) that I loved. The story is well-written, interesting. Thank you for sharing your memory with us.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2019
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Thank you.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is a wonderful entry for the contest. There is no doubt at all that this was a case of love at first sight :) - key lime? Really? Well I guess that was a pretty popular color back in the 70's. Good luck in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2019
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This is a wonderful entry for the contest. There is no doubt at all that this was a case of love at first sight :) - key lime? Really? Well I guess that was a pretty popular color back in the 70's. Good luck in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2019
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My sincere thank you!
Comment from Rikki66
My green machine was a lime-gold 1968 Ford Grand Torino Fastback bought because of a photo layout in Playboy. I saw that ad and told everyone I would buy one the day I got home from Nam, actually it was four days. Even though I had a 79 T-Bird I still love that GT.
Rikki:)
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2019
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My green machine was a lime-gold 1968 Ford Grand Torino Fastback bought because of a photo layout in Playboy. I saw that ad and told everyone I would buy one the day I got home from Nam, actually it was four days. Even though I had a 79 T-Bird I still love that GT.
Rikki:)
Comment Written 24-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2019
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I remember the model and it was hot too! Thank you for your service!
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You are welcome, and for your service thank you. I was Mac V. You?
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12th Evac Hospital
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Milphap four corp
Comment from Gail Denham
You did love that car to keep it so many years. Funny how a guy gets attached (and some women do also). I'm just happy to get in a car and it runs. And if you ask me what kind of car went by - I say "it was blue".
However, good story. Enjoyed your enthusiasm.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2019
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You did love that car to keep it so many years. Funny how a guy gets attached (and some women do also). I'm just happy to get in a car and it runs. And if you ask me what kind of car went by - I say "it was blue".
However, good story. Enjoyed your enthusiasm.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2019
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Thank you Gail, we all remember that first car, I think it was about freedom....
Comment from Winslow
Dear Writer,
First let me congratulate you for your service to our country. This is a great auto tale, love at first sight carried you away. The reader can easily grasp the satisfaction you felt when you climbed behind the wheel.
Although I rated this a six it still could be improved. You overuse was. It could also be tightened some. Here is a suggested edit for this section.
I remember the day as if it was yesterday. Tuesday, June 23rd, 1970, and the president was Richard Nixon. In that third week of June, people were listening to, "The Love You Save," by The Jackson 5. I had just arrived home from Southeast Asia, and felt ready to get back into the swing of living a civilian life.
While spending a few days just getting my feet back on the ground, a high-school buddy, Chuck, came by and said, "Hey, let's go down to the Dodge dealer. I need to get my tires balanced and rotated."
Add space before the next paragraph.
Good luck in the contest. This is a good entry.
Cheers,
Winslow
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2019
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Dear Writer,
First let me congratulate you for your service to our country. This is a great auto tale, love at first sight carried you away. The reader can easily grasp the satisfaction you felt when you climbed behind the wheel.
Although I rated this a six it still could be improved. You overuse was. It could also be tightened some. Here is a suggested edit for this section.
I remember the day as if it was yesterday. Tuesday, June 23rd, 1970, and the president was Richard Nixon. In that third week of June, people were listening to, "The Love You Save," by The Jackson 5. I had just arrived home from Southeast Asia, and felt ready to get back into the swing of living a civilian life.
While spending a few days just getting my feet back on the ground, a high-school buddy, Chuck, came by and said, "Hey, let's go down to the Dodge dealer. I need to get my tires balanced and rotated."
Add space before the next paragraph.
Good luck in the contest. This is a good entry.
Cheers,
Winslow
Comment Written 24-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2019
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Winslow thank you for your rating and for your critical input, as a novice I am always learning and it is because writers like yourself give sage advice, Sincerely
Comment from Coco Jane
A good tribute to a favorite car.
June 23 doe snot need the rd since a year follows.
In paragraph 2, no comma is needed after "ground."
In paragraph 3, maybe use something stronger after "was." A colon or a dash will put more emphasis on the description that follows. Same with "all."
Did you mean to put a + after "thing"?
You need a comma after "the beast," as written here.
I especially like your last sentence.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2019
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A good tribute to a favorite car.
June 23 doe snot need the rd since a year follows.
In paragraph 2, no comma is needed after "ground."
In paragraph 3, maybe use something stronger after "was." A colon or a dash will put more emphasis on the description that follows. Same with "all."
Did you mean to put a + after "thing"?
You need a comma after "the beast," as written here.
I especially like your last sentence.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2019
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Again I am sincerely grateful for your wise counsel with making improvements...Anon+
Comment from shaffer40
This is an appealing, humorous story with great descriptions and depiction that captures how people sometimes feel about cool cars.
I noted some errors in punctuation and offered some word changes that might make it flow better. Not sure what it'll do to the word count.
**************************************
Spending a few days just getting my feet back on the ground and a high
school buddy, Chuck, came by and said, hey "let's go down to the
Dodge dealer, I need to get my tires balanced and rotated. I said.
"sure, why not"?
Suggest: I was spending a few days just getting my feet back on the
ground, when a high-school buddy, Chuck, came by and said, "Hey,
let's go down to the Dodge dealer. I need to get my tires balanced
and rotated."
[new paragraph here]
"Sure," I agreed, "why not." Little did I know I would fall head-over-heels
in love on that trip.
We drove into the service bay, and Chuck told the service manager what
he needed, we were shown into the dealership waiting area. Not one
for sitting around idle, I told Chuck, "I'm going out to see what's on
the showroom floor."
Suggest [omit second use of "service" and passive voice]: We drove into
the service bay. The manager showed us into the dealership waiting
area, and Chuck told him what he needed. Not one to sit around idle,
I decided to explore the showroom floor.
I stopped in my tracks the minute I entered the showroom! There she
was, the most beautiful, sleek, dazzling, well-appointed car a man
could ever set his eyes on. This baby had it all, a key lime green paint
job, a white leather interior that smelled like a freshly tanned hide
with all the bells and whistles behind the wheel, including the
slapstick automatic. Under the hood was "the beast" a 440 Mag full
race cam Hemi engine. This car was made for burning rubber and it
just teased me as I walked around this magnificent rocket on wheels.
Suggest [not initially mentioning that it is a car--let that speak for itself]: A few steps into the room, and there she was--beautiful, sleek,
dazzling, and well-appointed. This baby had it all: a key lime green
paint job, a white leather interior that smelled like a freshly tanned
hide, and all the bells and whistles behind the wheel, including the
slapstick automatic. Under the hood was "the beast," a 440 Mag full
race cam Hemi engine. This car was made to burn rubber. It teased
me as I circled it in awe, this magnificent rocket on wheels.
Needless to say, I didn't go home with old Chuck, I bought that rocket
that day and boy sitting here fifty years later, I truly miss her.
Suggest: Needless to say, I didn't go home with ol' Chuck that day. I
bought that rocket and, boy, sitting here fifty years later, I truly miss
her.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2019
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This is an appealing, humorous story with great descriptions and depiction that captures how people sometimes feel about cool cars.
I noted some errors in punctuation and offered some word changes that might make it flow better. Not sure what it'll do to the word count.
**************************************
Spending a few days just getting my feet back on the ground and a high
school buddy, Chuck, came by and said, hey "let's go down to the
Dodge dealer, I need to get my tires balanced and rotated. I said.
"sure, why not"?
Suggest: I was spending a few days just getting my feet back on the
ground, when a high-school buddy, Chuck, came by and said, "Hey,
let's go down to the Dodge dealer. I need to get my tires balanced
and rotated."
[new paragraph here]
"Sure," I agreed, "why not." Little did I know I would fall head-over-heels
in love on that trip.
We drove into the service bay, and Chuck told the service manager what
he needed, we were shown into the dealership waiting area. Not one
for sitting around idle, I told Chuck, "I'm going out to see what's on
the showroom floor."
Suggest [omit second use of "service" and passive voice]: We drove into
the service bay. The manager showed us into the dealership waiting
area, and Chuck told him what he needed. Not one to sit around idle,
I decided to explore the showroom floor.
I stopped in my tracks the minute I entered the showroom! There she
was, the most beautiful, sleek, dazzling, well-appointed car a man
could ever set his eyes on. This baby had it all, a key lime green paint
job, a white leather interior that smelled like a freshly tanned hide
with all the bells and whistles behind the wheel, including the
slapstick automatic. Under the hood was "the beast" a 440 Mag full
race cam Hemi engine. This car was made for burning rubber and it
just teased me as I walked around this magnificent rocket on wheels.
Suggest [not initially mentioning that it is a car--let that speak for itself]: A few steps into the room, and there she was--beautiful, sleek,
dazzling, and well-appointed. This baby had it all: a key lime green
paint job, a white leather interior that smelled like a freshly tanned
hide, and all the bells and whistles behind the wheel, including the
slapstick automatic. Under the hood was "the beast," a 440 Mag full
race cam Hemi engine. This car was made to burn rubber. It teased
me as I circled it in awe, this magnificent rocket on wheels.
Needless to say, I didn't go home with old Chuck, I bought that rocket
that day and boy sitting here fifty years later, I truly miss her.
Suggest: Needless to say, I didn't go home with ol' Chuck that day. I
bought that rocket and, boy, sitting here fifty years later, I truly miss
her.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2019
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I can not thank you enough copy editor "par excellence"
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Thank you. I forgot to mention. I like your title.
Comment from damommy
I had a similar experience with a car once. Just had to have it, so I know exactly how you feel, and I, too, miss that one. Funny, isn't it, how something like that can really capture our heart. Very entertaining story, and well written.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2019
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I had a similar experience with a car once. Just had to have it, so I know exactly how you feel, and I, too, miss that one. Funny, isn't it, how something like that can really capture our heart. Very entertaining story, and well written.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2019
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Thank you so much! Somethings just go beyond materialism....yup!
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
We all have that one thing that we all fall head over heels for. Sounds like this car was it for you. However, I'm sure your daughter was worth it in the end. Sounds like a great car though.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2019
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We all have that one thing that we all fall head over heels for. Sounds like this car was it for you. However, I'm sure your daughter was worth it in the end. Sounds like a great car though.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2019
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There was a time for boys toys and a life changing time for certain...the later the best of times for certain.
Comment from the13thpoet
Good Wednesday morning to you. I enjoyed your automobile story. It was written well and kept me engaged. I still remember my first car like it was yesterday. What a piece of crap that was, at least you have fonder memories of your car. Good job and good luck.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2019
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Good Wednesday morning to you. I enjoyed your automobile story. It was written well and kept me engaged. I still remember my first car like it was yesterday. What a piece of crap that was, at least you have fonder memories of your car. Good job and good luck.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2019
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Thanks, I had saved every dime I made while in the service and blew it all on that car....ouch!
