Jake's Tavern
How good luck can turn bad.34 total reviews
Comment from Sylvia Page
Hats off to you Lance for this wonderfully crafted piece with a winning ending. So the ghost drinks bourbon and never gets drunk! Great stuff!
Best wishes
Sylvia
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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Hats off to you Lance for this wonderfully crafted piece with a winning ending. So the ghost drinks bourbon and never gets drunk! Great stuff!
Best wishes
Sylvia
Comment Written 14-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Rule #1 when winning the lottery, never tell anyone. This is very well done. I saw no errors and hope you do well in the contest. I hear most lottery winners end up bankrupt, which boggles the mind. Well done. Rox
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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Rule #1 when winning the lottery, never tell anyone. This is very well done. I saw no errors and hope you do well in the contest. I hear most lottery winners end up bankrupt, which boggles the mind. Well done. Rox
Comment Written 14-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from Brian Taylor1
Wow! What a story. I love reading something that makes me completely vulnerable to the point that the words are driving the bus and I don't wanna get off. To me any story involving alcohol will get interesting. Yours did but also made such a gigantic leap into the stratosphere way, way above interesting [the ending] that it was impossible not to moved by the raw realness that leaped off of the screen. Very impressive. Keep writin
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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Wow! What a story. I love reading something that makes me completely vulnerable to the point that the words are driving the bus and I don't wanna get off. To me any story involving alcohol will get interesting. Yours did but also made such a gigantic leap into the stratosphere way, way above interesting [the ending] that it was impossible not to moved by the raw realness that leaped off of the screen. Very impressive. Keep writin
Comment Written 13-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2019
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Thank you so much for your comments and review.
Comment from damommy
Wow! Spooky. A great story in these few words. That's hard to do. The ending took me totally by surprise. I never dreamed anyone would kill for a lottery ticket. If I should win, I would keep my mouth tightly shut.
Good luck in the contest. I think you have a winner. 8-)
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2019
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Wow! Spooky. A great story in these few words. That's hard to do. The ending took me totally by surprise. I never dreamed anyone would kill for a lottery ticket. If I should win, I would keep my mouth tightly shut.
Good luck in the contest. I think you have a winner. 8-)
Comment Written 13-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2019
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from jenintorre
Wow. This story really held me from start to finish and what a great surprise ending. Well done. Spot on. I loved it. I think it has an excellent chance of winning the flash fiction competition. Good luck and Best wishes. Jen.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2019
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Wow. This story really held me from start to finish and what a great surprise ending. Well done. Spot on. I loved it. I think it has an excellent chance of winning the flash fiction competition. Good luck and Best wishes. Jen.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2019
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
There's a very nice tone and voice to this piece which fits the character perfectly. I enjoyed how it played out.
He fills my glass. No chit chat. - chitchat could be a single word here.
I picked up my Bourbon and took a long slow drink, draining it once again. I look over at Jake- mixing your tenses here. Past in the first instance, present in the second. Watch out for those little variations.
hold up two fingers. That's an interesting colloquialism. - that's not a colloquialism. It would be a custom and fairly universal.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2019
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Hi there,
There's a very nice tone and voice to this piece which fits the character perfectly. I enjoyed how it played out.
He fills my glass. No chit chat. - chitchat could be a single word here.
I picked up my Bourbon and took a long slow drink, draining it once again. I look over at Jake- mixing your tenses here. Past in the first instance, present in the second. Watch out for those little variations.
hold up two fingers. That's an interesting colloquialism. - that's not a colloquialism. It would be a custom and fairly universal.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 13-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2019
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from Winslow
Dear Lance,
I like the ending. I thought it would be that your lottery winner squandered away his winnings like so many lottery winners do. I hope the murderer gets caught. Lady Luck embraced your main character and then deserted him.
Cheers,
Winslow
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2019
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Dear Lance,
I like the ending. I thought it would be that your lottery winner squandered away his winnings like so many lottery winners do. I hope the murderer gets caught. Lady Luck embraced your main character and then deserted him.
Cheers,
Winslow
Comment Written 12-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2019
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Thank you for your message and review. A big thanks for the 6 Stars!!
Comment from susand3022
Hi Lance... I almost never drink, when I do it's normally rum. It can't be cheap though, that's hangover rum. I only play the lottery when it's really high, I never win and don't expect to... but somebody has to so... well it's worth a shot I figure. I expect I'd buy a round for the house... but not until the $ was in the bank and I don't know that I'd be telling anyone I won the lottery! (I expect charities would get the bulk of a huge win... I mean, how much can you really spend???)
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2019
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Hi Lance... I almost never drink, when I do it's normally rum. It can't be cheap though, that's hangover rum. I only play the lottery when it's really high, I never win and don't expect to... but somebody has to so... well it's worth a shot I figure. I expect I'd buy a round for the house... but not until the $ was in the bank and I don't know that I'd be telling anyone I won the lottery! (I expect charities would get the bulk of a huge win... I mean, how much can you really spend???)
Comment Written 12-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2019
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Thank you for your message and review. I don?t know how much I could spend, but I?d enjoy the chance!!!
Comment from tfawcus
You've hit the 500 spot-on with this. It's surprising how many entries don't. Your list of negatives in the central section - I'm not going to do this and I'm not going to do that - sets up a sense of curiosity in the reader's mind. What the hell are you going to do. The actual climax to your story was not among my predictions!
A couple of minor spags:
"computer generated" needs a hyphen
"I lay in the dark bleeding, but feeling no pain" doesn't need a comma
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2019
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You've hit the 500 spot-on with this. It's surprising how many entries don't. Your list of negatives in the central section - I'm not going to do this and I'm not going to do that - sets up a sense of curiosity in the reader's mind. What the hell are you going to do. The actual climax to your story was not among my predictions!
A couple of minor spags:
"computer generated" needs a hyphen
"I lay in the dark bleeding, but feeling no pain" doesn't need a comma
Comment Written 12-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2019
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Thanks for your great review and suggestions.
Comment from royowen
I really can't blame our hero for drinking, although I'm wondering where he gets his money from to drink if he's not working heh heh. And had his ticket stolen. (What a nark I am) But this is a great entry in this flash fiction contest, well done, exceptiona plot, great characters and no spaces,great combination, good luck Lance, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2019
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I really can't blame our hero for drinking, although I'm wondering where he gets his money from to drink if he's not working heh heh. And had his ticket stolen. (What a nark I am) But this is a great entry in this flash fiction contest, well done, exceptiona plot, great characters and no spaces,great combination, good luck Lance, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 12-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2019
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Thank you for your message and review.
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Well done
