Broken You
A realization about promises.38 total reviews
Comment from evesayshi
In my opinion, an expressively, plaintive write in the form compliant with the prompt. - easy rhyming rhythm and smooth delivery - best of luck in the contest...
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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In my opinion, an expressively, plaintive write in the form compliant with the prompt. - easy rhyming rhythm and smooth delivery - best of luck in the contest...
Comment Written 18-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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Thank you for the gift of your time and attention to my little poem. It means a whole lot. I feel like I am a winner already :-)
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You are very welcome, Tina - of course, you are a winner - a winning writer...Eve
Comment from Insider98
The more you damage the glass, the sooner it will break. Unfortunately, people often don't mean to keep their promises in the first place. There are few of those that do by accident, though. I interpreted that you are talking about the first, and the glass analogy is perfect. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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The more you damage the glass, the sooner it will break. Unfortunately, people often don't mean to keep their promises in the first place. There are few of those that do by accident, though. I interpreted that you are talking about the first, and the glass analogy is perfect. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 18-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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You interpret my words very well, but you are also very intuitive I can tell. By the way I just realized I made a rhyme . When this promise was first made in my life I think that he believed he would fulfill it. Later, I realized he couldn't because it was harder than he expected, and it would require selflessness on his part which he didn't have. I have come to have empathy for people that can't keep their promises because I feel like they may be a little broken than me. Not that you asked, or will appreciate my long rant but... I do my best to be very genuine with anything that I say and do. I hold myself to a high standard, which sometimes gets me in trouble because I tell the truth haha!
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No, it's ok. I appreciate the reply and "rant". I don't mind, that's how you feel.
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Thanks! Have a great
Friday and weekend!
Comment from RGstar
You are absolutely right. Sometimes promises are worth little, then there is a another promise on top of the broken promise in itself once more broken.
This is written beautifully. Full poetic aura in conforming to the form.
A very good write, and I am wishing you the best of luck with it.
My best wishes.
RGstar
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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You are absolutely right. Sometimes promises are worth little, then there is a another promise on top of the broken promise in itself once more broken.
This is written beautifully. Full poetic aura in conforming to the form.
A very good write, and I am wishing you the best of luck with it.
My best wishes.
RGstar
Comment Written 18-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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I am a newbie here, so I am so appreciative of anyone who reviews my poetry. It's a bonus that you get what I'm saying and that it has an aura to it. It would be fun to win in the contest, as validation that I am doing okay but honestly I feel like I have one already because of the connection with people when they understand my writing. Thank you for taking time to explain what you like about it. This was my first minute poem , I have to admit, it was pretty fun!
Comment from rhonnie69
HELLO TINA: I like your poem here. It gives me the opportunity to tell you something that I learned from putting my hope in people...and got disappointed. I learned the right place to put my hope and my trust. "I will lift up my eyes to the hills; from whence comes my help. My help comes from, JESUS, the LORD, who made heaven and earth." > PSALMS chapter 121: at verses 1&2. "There is no other name under heaven given among people, where by we must be saved." >ACTS : chapter 4: at verse 12. God bless you and yours, Tina. Cordially: rhonnie69.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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HELLO TINA: I like your poem here. It gives me the opportunity to tell you something that I learned from putting my hope in people...and got disappointed. I learned the right place to put my hope and my trust. "I will lift up my eyes to the hills; from whence comes my help. My help comes from, JESUS, the LORD, who made heaven and earth." > PSALMS chapter 121: at verses 1&2. "There is no other name under heaven given among people, where by we must be saved." >ACTS : chapter 4: at verse 12. God bless you and yours, Tina. Cordially: rhonnie69.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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I love this message. I am impressed that you took the opportunity to turn a simple poems attention over to God. He does deserve all the praise and glory forever. That's one person that will never ever disappoint us and will never lie and will never break a promise:-) you are correct. He is the one we should put our hope and faith and trust in. God bless you and yours also!
Comment from Dean Kuch
Hello, Tina. Your Minute poem is very well composed.
Some people will do or promise anyone anything to get what they want and to get others to do what they want.
The Devil will also promise us fame, fortune, success and anything our heart desires if we will but sign away our soul.
What is promised to an individual who does something like that may be delivered. but not exactly in the way they were expecting.
Remember the Monkey's Paw?
Good luck,
~Dean
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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Hello, Tina. Your Minute poem is very well composed.
Some people will do or promise anyone anything to get what they want and to get others to do what they want.
The Devil will also promise us fame, fortune, success and anything our heart desires if we will but sign away our soul.
What is promised to an individual who does something like that may be delivered. but not exactly in the way they were expecting.
Remember the Monkey's Paw?
Good luck,
~Dean
Comment Written 18-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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Thank you for reviewing my poem. You brought up a new aspect I hadn't thought of. Yes, the Devil is a huge liar with empty promises,but so many believe him. I think they believe that they deserve to have certain things so they will believe whoever promises them.
I just Googled Monkey's Paw because I have never read it, and it sounds really interesting! I can already tell it is a story where, like you said, you are promised something but it doesn't turn out exactly like you wished for.
Thank you for looking at my very first minute poem. It means a lot to me that you thought it was well composed. I have so much to learn that I sometimes get caught up on technicalities, and then I remind myself to just feel and write and just learn a little at a time :-)
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You are more than welcome, Tina
Take care...
~Dean
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You too. Have a
good evening:)
Comment from Kelly Hanna
A great poem about broken people and their broken promises. I liked the rhymes and the solemn flow. The picture was great with the broken glass to go with the reference of broken promises. I like that this piece brings recognition that people will disappoint us, but that if they are already broken then what can we expect? A great poem. Good job on this!
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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A great poem about broken people and their broken promises. I liked the rhymes and the solemn flow. The picture was great with the broken glass to go with the reference of broken promises. I like that this piece brings recognition that people will disappoint us, but that if they are already broken then what can we expect? A great poem. Good job on this!
Comment Written 18-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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Thank you so much, Kelly! It's such a privilege to have people tell me that my words make sense to them and that they got a certain feeling from it. The important thing is we learn more about people as we have these experiences . I'm sure you understand that with your work. I really appreciate you taking the time to review this and glad that you got what I was trying to say :-)
Comment from Ulla
Yeah, Tina, it can me heartbreaking when a promise given is broken. But as you say, the person who gave the promise s broken and therefore not able to keep it. I liked this minute poem,and good luck. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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Yeah, Tina, it can me heartbreaking when a promise given is broken. But as you say, the person who gave the promise s broken and therefore not able to keep it. I liked this minute poem,and good luck. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 18-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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Thank you Ulla!
I'm glad that you like my poem and that you got the message I tried to convey. That is such a rewarding part of writing, isn't it?:)
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it sure is! :)))
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:)
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:)
Comment from TPAC
I do like aspects in this write. Certain suggestive opinions to offer that might enhance its given projected view.
Suggest:
Obscured to edge and A promise broke. These features seem pleasing to me hope helpful to you somewhat. All in my opinion of this write.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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I do like aspects in this write. Certain suggestive opinions to offer that might enhance its given projected view.
Suggest:
Obscured to edge and A promise broke. These features seem pleasing to me hope helpful to you somewhat. All in my opinion of this write.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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Thank you for the review! I didn't want the promise to break until the end of the poem, but I do like that line absolutely. It definitely could go there. Thanks so much for the review and your input :-)
Comment from Pantygynt
The absence of punctuation here allowed this to be read in different ways but it began to come clearer when I employed enjambment between the fortieth and forty-first second of this minute. Heartbreaking.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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The absence of punctuation here allowed this to be read in different ways but it began to come clearer when I employed enjambment between the fortieth and forty-first second of this minute. Heartbreaking.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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Thank you for your input. Sometimes it's tough to know whether to leave a little to interpretation or to be extremely specific so I appreciate your comment. It will remind me to think how I want it presented each time. I appreciate you taking the time to tell me what you think. :-)
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Hi Tina,
It's sad when people break their promises, but it happens some times. As you say, if they themselves are broken, they may not be able to keep their promises.
This is a well executed Minute poem. Syllable counts for each line are spot on. I like the analogy of shattered glass to broken promises.
Best wishes for the contest.
Hugs,
Connie
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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Hi Tina,
It's sad when people break their promises, but it happens some times. As you say, if they themselves are broken, they may not be able to keep their promises.
This is a well executed Minute poem. Syllable counts for each line are spot on. I like the analogy of shattered glass to broken promises.
Best wishes for the contest.
Hugs,
Connie
Comment Written 18-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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Thank you Connie so much. It's a meaningful review when the person tells you exactly how they felt when they read it. So, I think you for taking the time to do that. It also is Meaningful when they get what your simple words are saying. Have a great Thursday :-)
