Adrift
ABC Poem23 total reviews
Comment from Dean Kuch
"inky seas, panoply of paltry dreams", not to mention the alliteration in "starlight's silver shoon" and "stifles silent screams", Steve.
Great entry for the ABC poetry contest.
~Dean
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2017
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"inky seas, panoply of paltry dreams", not to mention the alliteration in "starlight's silver shoon" and "stifles silent screams", Steve.
Great entry for the ABC poetry contest.
~Dean
Comment Written 21-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2017
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Thanks, Dean. I put in my prettiest words!
Steve
Comment from LIJ Red
Sounds like last night's sliver of new moon peeping through cold clouds. Winter comes to the northern mountains, bringing good stargazing. The ABCD abc poem looks fine to me.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2017
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Sounds like last night's sliver of new moon peeping through cold clouds. Winter comes to the northern mountains, bringing good stargazing. The ABCD abc poem looks fine to me.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2017
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Thank you. full moons are lovely, but there's something powerful about the slivery ones too.
Steve
Comment from Neonewman
Brilliantly crafted piece you have delivered here my friend! I mean wow! Ominous in nature is the chosen artwork only to be provoked by inky seas. I absolutely loved its entirety.
God bless and best of luck in the contest(a winner in my books)
Steve
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2017
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Brilliantly crafted piece you have delivered here my friend! I mean wow! Ominous in nature is the chosen artwork only to be provoked by inky seas. I absolutely loved its entirety.
God bless and best of luck in the contest(a winner in my books)
Steve
Comment Written 20-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2017
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Steve, thanks heaps for the praise and the six stars. I have gone all out for romantic effect here, so I'm glad you liked it.
Steve
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My pleasure!
Comment from rama devi
Wow, this is one of the best ABC's I've read this season. Dramatic, eloquent, well presented and with bonus slant rhymes too. Lots of fine phonetics in phrasing. Love your word choice of panoply, love all the s and l sounds, especially here:
Come sail with me where starlight's silver shoon
Deflects life's hurts and stifles
silent screams.
Potent dramatic pause with the indent on the last line and the impacting closing note.
ravo.
Good luck!
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2017
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Wow, this is one of the best ABC's I've read this season. Dramatic, eloquent, well presented and with bonus slant rhymes too. Lots of fine phonetics in phrasing. Love your word choice of panoply, love all the s and l sounds, especially here:
Come sail with me where starlight's silver shoon
Deflects life's hurts and stifles
silent screams.
Potent dramatic pause with the indent on the last line and the impacting closing note.
ravo.
Good luck!
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 20-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2017
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Thanks, Rama, as always.
I pulled some pretty words out of my writer's sack for this one, didn't I?
Steve
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Sure did! :-)))
Comment from lyenochka
Great form on the ABC poem including rhyming and the sequential letters of the alphabet through all four lines. The formatting also highlights the hidden struggles of life ("silent screams") even though the rest of the poem seems so dreamy and soothing.
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2017
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Great form on the ABC poem including rhyming and the sequential letters of the alphabet through all four lines. The formatting also highlights the hidden struggles of life ("silent screams") even though the rest of the poem seems so dreamy and soothing.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2017
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Thank you!
Steve
Comment from Sasha
Excellent work with this ABC Contest entry. Superb choice of wording and great alliteration too. This is a terrific entry for this contest and I sincerely wish you all the best.
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2017
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Excellent work with this ABC Contest entry. Superb choice of wording and great alliteration too. This is a terrific entry for this contest and I sincerely wish you all the best.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2017
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Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
You set the mood and painted a nightime picture here with the moon shining like silver on the water and soothing troubles away, but then there are silent screams which suggest something scary is about to happen! Love Dolly x
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2017
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You set the mood and painted a nightime picture here with the moon shining like silver on the water and soothing troubles away, but then there are silent screams which suggest something scary is about to happen! Love Dolly x
Comment Written 20-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2017
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Thanks, Dolly.
Yes, this is a bit of a mixed bag - pretty scene but it doesn't really conceal the horror.
Steve
Comment from Sharon Haiste
A good entry for the ABC contest.
Kind of ominous with the last line.
The picture that youhave posted is beutiful.
Good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2017
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A good entry for the ABC contest.
Kind of ominous with the last line.
The picture that youhave posted is beutiful.
Good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 20-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2017
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Thanks, Sharon!
Steve
Comment from Wabigoon
Kiwi--
I like this poem up to a point. That point is "paltry dreams." Whose dreams are paltry? Are they only the reflections of the sun? I do not think so and if I have to analyze the pain here it is that the dreamer, writer, is being shorn away from the true power of dreaming. Yes, this results in not so silent screaming.
Thanks
Wabigoon/Jeff
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2017
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Kiwi--
I like this poem up to a point. That point is "paltry dreams." Whose dreams are paltry? Are they only the reflections of the sun? I do not think so and if I have to analyze the pain here it is that the dreamer, writer, is being shorn away from the true power of dreaming. Yes, this results in not so silent screaming.
Thanks
Wabigoon/Jeff
Comment Written 20-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2017
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Thanks, Jeff.
It is funny how different readers focus on different aspects. You are the only one to really home in on 'paltry' and what it could mean in the context of the poem. I believe I started with 'broken dreams' but threw that out as being a bit cliched. 'paltry' certainly shoild make a reader pause and wonder how that could be, just as you have done.
Steve
Comment from Sis Cat
This is an ominous poem about an invitation which should be turned down. Your highly alliterative poem hissing like a snake luring a victim:
Come sail with me where starlight's silver shoon
I also thought of the Sirens of Greek legend whose singing lured sailors to their deaths.
This is a well crafted, emotional poem.
Thank you for sharing. I wish you success with your fine entry.
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2017
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This is an ominous poem about an invitation which should be turned down. Your highly alliterative poem hissing like a snake luring a victim:
Come sail with me where starlight's silver shoon
I also thought of the Sirens of Greek legend whose singing lured sailors to their deaths.
This is a well crafted, emotional poem.
Thank you for sharing. I wish you success with your fine entry.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2017
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Thanks for the thoughtful comments.
Indeed, not all invitations are to be accepted - who wants to go sailing with this emotionally disturbed character?!
Steve
