The Piper
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "The Piper, part 16"Young Adult Fantasy
17 total reviews
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi debi. This is the first time I've read a chapter in your book. It's amazing. You're a wonderful writer. Your story is clear and detailed. Excellent scene setting. Good dialogue interspersed and interesting throughout. Marilyn
reply by the author on 28-May-2017
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Hi debi. This is the first time I've read a chapter in your book. It's amazing. You're a wonderful writer. Your story is clear and detailed. Excellent scene setting. Good dialogue interspersed and interesting throughout. Marilyn
Comment Written 27-May-2017
reply by the author on 28-May-2017
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Hi Marilyn,
Thank you for the very encouraging comments about the writing. I admire your writing so such praise means a lot. Debi
Comment from Heather Knight
This is the first chapter I read of this story, but I have to say the topic is very original. I also like the way you write. The dialogues are very natural and even funny sometimes.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 28-May-2017
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This is the first chapter I read of this story, but I have to say the topic is very original. I also like the way you write. The dialogues are very natural and even funny sometimes.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 27-May-2017
reply by the author on 28-May-2017
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Thank you for the six star rating. I appreciate it more than you know. Thank you also for the encouraging comments about the writing, especially about the dialogue and the humor. Thank you for taking time to read and review.
Comment from royowen
I rather like this mode of story, legendary fairy folk, who somehow manage to kidnap Piper and spirit him away, thanks for the synopsis, it helps in exposing the plot, at least in part. Because the fae have some past history with piper, there are reasons for this connection. Good tale telling, not enough for me to track the plot accurately, but enough to suggest this as being very readable. Good characters, and enigmatic plot with some good background on them, well done, good reading, Blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 28-May-2017
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I rather like this mode of story, legendary fairy folk, who somehow manage to kidnap Piper and spirit him away, thanks for the synopsis, it helps in exposing the plot, at least in part. Because the fae have some past history with piper, there are reasons for this connection. Good tale telling, not enough for me to track the plot accurately, but enough to suggest this as being very readable. Good characters, and enigmatic plot with some good background on them, well done, good reading, Blessings, Roy
Comment Written 27-May-2017
reply by the author on 28-May-2017
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Thank you for your most encouraging comments about the story and the writing. I appreciate the encouragement, Roy. Thanks for taking time to read and review. Debi
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Most welcome
Comment from Leena
Totally loved reading this chapter. Pretty interesting and I most definitely want to read the previous chapters too. Great work. Please keep it up. Best wishes.
reply by the author on 28-May-2017
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Totally loved reading this chapter. Pretty interesting and I most definitely want to read the previous chapters too. Great work. Please keep it up. Best wishes.
Comment Written 27-May-2017
reply by the author on 28-May-2017
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Wow. thank you for the great review. It is so nice to hear that you liked this chapter and are considering reading previous ones. I couldn't ask for more.
Comment from LaRosa
This is a nicely written chapter to your story.
I enjoy your descriptive elements, especially the whole first paragraph.
How ironic that Red Lief's last name is Summerstorm!
The quick conversational element holds the readers attention quite well...
I just noticed one little thing:
"Just (an) eerie feeling."
reply by the author on 27-May-2017
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This is a nicely written chapter to your story.
I enjoy your descriptive elements, especially the whole first paragraph.
How ironic that Red Lief's last name is Summerstorm!
The quick conversational element holds the readers attention quite well...
I just noticed one little thing:
"Just (an) eerie feeling."
Comment Written 27-May-2017
reply by the author on 27-May-2017
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Thank you for the kind comments, and your observations about the character's name and the setting. I guess it is kind of ironic. Thank you for catching the error. I have corrected it.
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have an enjoyable weekend!
It is the weekend, isn't it?...
Comment from apky
>>He cracked a smile, huffed, laid (to) the rabbit next the remains of the fire, and moved over to the other side of the cave to remove his cloak.<<
>>A brilliant (while?) flash lit the sky, followed by a deafening thunder clap an instant later.<<
I really enjoyed your descriptive talents here, and apart from the two nits above, an entertaining story.
Well done,
Apky
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reply by the author on 27-May-2017
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>>He cracked a smile, huffed, laid (to) the rabbit next the remains of the fire, and moved over to the other side of the cave to remove his cloak.<<
>>A brilliant (while?) flash lit the sky, followed by a deafening thunder clap an instant later.<<
I really enjoyed your descriptive talents here, and apart from the two nits above, an entertaining story.
Well done,
Apky
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-May-2017
reply by the author on 27-May-2017
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Thank you for the encouraging review. I have changed "while" to "white" as suggested. The addition of "to" confuses me though. I've never heard the phrase "laid to" when placing something down. Could you explain a little more? I like learning new things and this usage is new to me.
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I think I figured out what you meant. I did leave out the word "to" but after the word next so that when corrected it reads "He cracked a smile, huffed laid the rabbit next (to) the remains of the fire...
Thank you again for your help.
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Oh, heck, mea culpa! I put the "to" in the wrong place. I meant "laid the rabbit next "to" the remains of the fire.
No wonder you were confused - totally my fault.
Forgiven?
Apky
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Of course. I appreciate you taking the time to read it and review
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Is this not in book format? Something you should consider on the site. it's getting to that point now. lol
The two opening lines of this chapter contain great vivid imagery.
"Sheba?" he growled.- watch for those emotive speech tags - less is more in regard to tags.
I'll give you that much, I suppose." - need opening speech marks here.
A brilliant while flash lit the sky - white flash.
A great continuing chapter. Good interchanges in the dialogue between Red-Leif and Sheba.
Nicely penned
G
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-May-2017
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Hi there,
Is this not in book format? Something you should consider on the site. it's getting to that point now. lol
The two opening lines of this chapter contain great vivid imagery.
"Sheba?" he growled.- watch for those emotive speech tags - less is more in regard to tags.
I'll give you that much, I suppose." - need opening speech marks here.
A brilliant while flash lit the sky - white flash.
A great continuing chapter. Good interchanges in the dialogue between Red-Leif and Sheba.
Nicely penned
G
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-May-2017
reply by the author on 27-May-2017
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Hi G,
Thank you for the great review. I appreciate you catching the SPAG. I took the speech tag out, and made the grammar corrections you suggested. Yes, there are a few chapters so it looks like it will be a book. I guess I ought to take the time to move the chapters over. Thank you for continuing to follow the story and for the encouragement. Debi
