The Dance
He took my hand and we began70 total reviews
Comment from Rasmine
This is very sweet. The dance of time, with love to bind.
My favorite lines were the last:
When through the hills I heard those church bells chime,
I knew our dance would stand the test of time.
TC
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2017
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This is very sweet. The dance of time, with love to bind.
My favorite lines were the last:
When through the hills I heard those church bells chime,
I knew our dance would stand the test of time.
TC
Comment Written 26-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2017
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Thank you for your thoughtful and encouraging review.' I appreciate your comments.
Blessings
Janet
Comment from mountainwriter49
Good Afternoon, Janet,
I absolutely love this well penned Shakespearean sonnet. How shall I begin?
You've nailed the essence of the Shakespearean sonnet. The theme introduced in S1 is well developed in S2. The turn in the 3rd is subtle, yet effective. I liked the couplet.
I also admire how you used the theme of the dance, spinning 'cross the ballroom, whirled,pirouette throughout the sonnet. You've thus created the sub-element of understanding that life, love, is indeed a dance.
The meter is perfect as are the rhymes.
good luck to you in the contest.
Ray
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Good Afternoon, Janet,
I absolutely love this well penned Shakespearean sonnet. How shall I begin?
You've nailed the essence of the Shakespearean sonnet. The theme introduced in S1 is well developed in S2. The turn in the 3rd is subtle, yet effective. I liked the couplet.
I also admire how you used the theme of the dance, spinning 'cross the ballroom, whirled,pirouette throughout the sonnet. You've thus created the sub-element of understanding that life, love, is indeed a dance.
The meter is perfect as are the rhymes.
good luck to you in the contest.
Ray
Comment Written 26-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Thank you Ray for your thoughtful and encouraging review. I appreciate your kind comments and those sparkling six stars.
I loved reading your review.
Blessings
Janet
Comment from Grasshopper2
Hey neighbor (Ima Tar Heel),
I live on Saucepan Creek at the junction of the Shallotte River, the ICW, and the Atlantic Ocen at the south end of Holden Beach.
Nice flow and rhymes, if you had Leonard Cohen's "Dance Me to the End of Love" playing it would be 6-stars. If you do not know this song, go to Amazon or YouTube. Talk about romantic!
I enjoyed reading you.
Michael
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Hey neighbor (Ima Tar Heel),
I live on Saucepan Creek at the junction of the Shallotte River, the ICW, and the Atlantic Ocen at the south end of Holden Beach.
Nice flow and rhymes, if you had Leonard Cohen's "Dance Me to the End of Love" playing it would be 6-stars. If you do not know this song, go to Amazon or YouTube. Talk about romantic!
I enjoyed reading you.
Michael
Comment Written 26-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Thank you Michael / neighbor for your thoughtful and encouraging review.' I appreciate your comments. While we live in the mountains, my daughter lives in Greenville so she is actually a little closer to you.
I'm going to have to learn how to add music to my poem. Sounds like a new dance move for me. haha
Blessings
Janet
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Thank you. To add music is simple. Go to YouTube, find the song, click share (under the video), Embed, copy onto Word. If you only want music, change the HTML to the following. I listed the changes in CAPS for easy viewing.
YOUTUBE TEMPLATE JUST AUDIO
USE LOWERCASE to paste onto your Author's Notes.
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Thanks - I copied the instructions for future use.
I appreciate the info.
Janet
Comment from Neonewman
What a beautifully crafted piece you have delivered for this love poetry writing prompt, and in the style of sonnet. I feel this amplifies the feelings that are portrayed.
God bless!
Steve
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2017
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What a beautifully crafted piece you have delivered for this love poetry writing prompt, and in the style of sonnet. I feel this amplifies the feelings that are portrayed.
God bless!
Steve
Comment Written 26-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2017
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Thank you Steve for your thoughtful and encouraging review.' I appreciate your comments.
Blessings
Janet
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My pleasure Janet.
Comment from Pantygynt
An interestring use for the sonnet form that is bang up to date and yet breaks none of the old rules. The Volta, unusually, asks a question that is answered in the couplet and in so doing brings the whole thing to a logical close.
As an Englishman I wish your last line had read, "to pirouette and then again begin?" rather than the near rhyme you have used but I do realise that for you the pronunciation is probably identical and the rhyme is full.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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An interestring use for the sonnet form that is bang up to date and yet breaks none of the old rules. The Volta, unusually, asks a question that is answered in the couplet and in so doing brings the whole thing to a logical close.
As an Englishman I wish your last line had read, "to pirouette and then again begin?" rather than the near rhyme you have used but I do realise that for you the pronunciation is probably identical and the rhyme is full.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Thank you for your thoughtful and encouraging review.' I appreciate your comments. I read that line again and your suggestion to change begin again to again begin is brilliant. Wishes I had thought of it. Haha I did make the change and it reads much better. Thanks again.
Blessings
Janet
Comment from Bill Schott
This love sonnet, The Dance, is amazing as it follows the sonnet format well, and carries all possible metaphors that address the idea of love, committment, and happiness.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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This love sonnet, The Dance, is amazing as it follows the sonnet format well, and carries all possible metaphors that address the idea of love, committment, and happiness.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2017
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Thank you Bill for your thoughtful and encouraging review.' I appreciate your comments and those sparkling six stars.
Blessings
Janet
Comment from padumachitta
hi. A very good entry for a love poem contest. Though he may not dance, your husband, he certainly must play the music of your heart, for you to dance so with words.
Good luck in the contest
padumachitta
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2017
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hi. A very good entry for a love poem contest. Though he may not dance, your husband, he certainly must play the music of your heart, for you to dance so with words.
Good luck in the contest
padumachitta
Comment Written 26-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2017
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Thank you for your thoughtful and encouraging review.' I appreciate your comments.
Blessings
Janet
Comment from FxstsLisa
Beautiful poem that flows very nicely. I especially love the last two lines that ties the love poem together. Also, nice metaphor for "the dance." Great contest entry and best of luck!
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2017
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Beautiful poem that flows very nicely. I especially love the last two lines that ties the love poem together. Also, nice metaphor for "the dance." Great contest entry and best of luck!
Comment Written 26-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2017
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Thank you for your thoughtful and encouraging review.' I appreciate your comments.
Blessings
Janet
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, my friend,
I liked your poem. The iambic pentameter seems perfect to me and the rhyme pattern is in perfect keeping with the sonnet form. The beautiful metaphor is consistently maintained from beginning to end and the message is pure and sweet. Well done
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2017
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Hello, my friend,
I liked your poem. The iambic pentameter seems perfect to me and the rhyme pattern is in perfect keeping with the sonnet form. The beautiful metaphor is consistently maintained from beginning to end and the message is pure and sweet. Well done
Comment Written 25-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2017
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Thank you for your thoughtful and encouraging review.' I greatly appreciate your comments.
Blessings
Janet
Comment from johnwilson
This was a beautifully written sonnet comparing a dance to marriage. (I bet your husband does some kind of what could be referred to as dancing.) The rhyming was NEVER strained. I loved the last stanza the best as it completed the poem well!
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2017
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This was a beautifully written sonnet comparing a dance to marriage. (I bet your husband does some kind of what could be referred to as dancing.) The rhyming was NEVER strained. I loved the last stanza the best as it completed the poem well!
Comment Written 25-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2017
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Thank you John for your thoughtful and encouraging review.' I appreciate your comments. Your right, my husband is very talented but he does have 2 left feet. haha
Blessings
Janet
