Madness
Pete's morning began like any other, until it ended.19 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
This is a nicely scaffolded story that builds the character brick by brick from abandoned child to slain policeman. Our world is becoming a teleplay complete with bad guys, good guys, faceless and feral ne'er-do-wells, and back stories. Soon the White House will be The Apprentice President.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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This is a nicely scaffolded story that builds the character brick by brick from abandoned child to slain policeman. Our world is becoming a teleplay complete with bad guys, good guys, faceless and feral ne'er-do-wells, and back stories. Soon the White House will be The Apprentice President.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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Hi Bill, please excuse my late response to this wonderful review. My husband goes back to work next week following Christmas break, so FanStory and my muse have been muted. I hope to be back in earnest soon. Thank you for the wonderful review and time and talent in reading this piece. So very appreciated! Happy 2017!
Comment from Heidi M
Wonderful job taking facts and weaving a story around them. The first paragraph lets the reader know something bad is going to happen. Even though the story was presented in a factual manner, I was drawn into it emotionally.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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Wonderful job taking facts and weaving a story around them. The first paragraph lets the reader know something bad is going to happen. Even though the story was presented in a factual manner, I was drawn into it emotionally.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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Hi Heidi, please excuse my late response to this wonderful review. My husband goes back to work next week following Christmas break, so FanStory and my muse have been muted. I hope to be back in earnest soon. Thank you for the wonderful review and time and talent in reading this piece. So very appreciated!
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
OH my lady, this gets nothing less than a six. A six for an excellently written piece that I found no mistakes in, for the progression of introducing the characters and the events, for the interest in something that should not be forgotten, and for being you.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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OH my lady, this gets nothing less than a six. A six for an excellently written piece that I found no mistakes in, for the progression of introducing the characters and the events, for the interest in something that should not be forgotten, and for being you.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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Hi Barb, please excuse my late response to this wonderful review. My husband goes back to work next week following Christmas break, so FanStory and my muse have been muted. I hope to be back in earnest soon. Thank you for the wonderful review and time and talent in reading this piece. And that beautiful SIX!! So very appreciated! XO
Comment from Heather Knight
Great story, Mary. I like how you base it on true facts. I've had a great time reading it, even though it was very sad.
Just one typo: it should be protester instead of protestor.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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Great story, Mary. I like how you base it on true facts. I've had a great time reading it, even though it was very sad.
Just one typo: it should be protester instead of protestor.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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Hi Maria, please excuse my late response to this wonderful review. My husband goes back to work next week following Christmas break, so FanStory and my muse have been muted. I hope to be back in earnest soon. Thank you for the wonderful review and time and talent in reading this piece. Thanks for catching the error too, it has been corrected. So very appreciated!
Comment from Dawn Munro
comma after "once(,) taking his leave..."
suggest - "...of their father's leaving them."
I love the parents being dubbed as they were, but I would suggest it's a little confusing to not simply say: "...repeated verbatim by their kids..." If you want to stick to using names, I would preface them with "little Skippers and Todds - note too, there's no apostrophe, yes? It's possessive, and in this case, these are just the names in plural.
same thing for "inlaws" - I know, I know - it catches me sometimes too. :) You get 'in the zone, and are writing faster than the sixty-four (okay, show-off) the fifty-four-old brain can keep up. HAHAHAHAHA!
"She made them accountable in school, and when they became of age, (in) their jobs."
comm after,"thought of his mom(,) and..."
I just have to pause at this point and let you know just how wonderful I think this fiction story is, woman. I have a sinking feeling i know where it's headed...
So touching - he called his brother!
I KNEW IT! YOU witch! How could you! (LOL) Ohhhhhhhhh!
Uh, uh - big no-no - do not change verb tense, especially like this: we 'see' you, the author and are thus removed from our involvement with the story. IF you want to say he "is" survived, then do it in the form of a newspaper obit, or radio announcement, right?
Ah, shit. Lousy heel, but that's a pretty harsh punishment...(and an exceptional ending to a an almost outstanding story - with a little tweaking, bet you could sell it to a magazine EASILY)!
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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comma after "once(,) taking his leave..."
suggest - "...of their father's leaving them."
I love the parents being dubbed as they were, but I would suggest it's a little confusing to not simply say: "...repeated verbatim by their kids..." If you want to stick to using names, I would preface them with "little Skippers and Todds - note too, there's no apostrophe, yes? It's possessive, and in this case, these are just the names in plural.
same thing for "inlaws" - I know, I know - it catches me sometimes too. :) You get 'in the zone, and are writing faster than the sixty-four (okay, show-off) the fifty-four-old brain can keep up. HAHAHAHAHA!
"She made them accountable in school, and when they became of age, (in) their jobs."
comm after,"thought of his mom(,) and..."
I just have to pause at this point and let you know just how wonderful I think this fiction story is, woman. I have a sinking feeling i know where it's headed...
So touching - he called his brother!
I KNEW IT! YOU witch! How could you! (LOL) Ohhhhhhhhh!
Uh, uh - big no-no - do not change verb tense, especially like this: we 'see' you, the author and are thus removed from our involvement with the story. IF you want to say he "is" survived, then do it in the form of a newspaper obit, or radio announcement, right?
Ah, shit. Lousy heel, but that's a pretty harsh punishment...(and an exceptional ending to a an almost outstanding story - with a little tweaking, bet you could sell it to a magazine EASILY)!
Comment Written 02-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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Hi Dawn, please excuse my late response to this wonderful review. My husband goes back to work next week following Christmas break, so FanStory and my muse have been muted. I hope to be back in earnest soon. Thank you for the wonderful review and time and talent in reading this piece. Not to mention the editing catches...so very appreciated! All have been corrected and I appreciate so much your keen eye and explanations for the various rules. Have an awesome weekend, Dawn!
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Very much my pleasure. :)
Comment from Sherman541
Fantastic story. Great Writing. Could not stop reading until it was over. I remember hearing about Ferguson in the news, but this was so well written. The smooth transitions, just laid in place. Especially well written with a non-fiction part of a fiction story. I very much enjoyed reading this. Sarah
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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Fantastic story. Great Writing. Could not stop reading until it was over. I remember hearing about Ferguson in the news, but this was so well written. The smooth transitions, just laid in place. Especially well written with a non-fiction part of a fiction story. I very much enjoyed reading this. Sarah
Comment Written 02-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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Hi Sarah, please excuse my late response to this wonderful review. My husband goes back to work next week following Christmas break, so FanStory and my muse have been muted. I hope to be back in earnest soon. Thank you for the wonderful review and time and talent in reading this piece. So very appreciated!
Comment from Sis Cat
Wow. powerful fiction based on historical fact. Story engaged me because I remember the shootings of the police. That was a horrible crime. Strong post reminded me of me and my father, "The three Cross brothers possessed a steeled determination to be the polar opposite of the man whose last name was the only thing they shared." So true. Story shows creativity. You weaved facts it a compelling, engaging narrative. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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Wow. powerful fiction based on historical fact. Story engaged me because I remember the shootings of the police. That was a horrible crime. Strong post reminded me of me and my father, "The three Cross brothers possessed a steeled determination to be the polar opposite of the man whose last name was the only thing they shared." So true. Story shows creativity. You weaved facts it a compelling, engaging narrative. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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Hi Andre, please excuse my late response to this wonderful review. My husband goes back to work next week following Christmas break, so FanStory and my muse have been muted. I hope to be back in earnest soon. Thank you for the wonderful review and time and talent in reading this piece. I loved your review and likening to your paternal relationshilp. So very appreciated!
Comment from damommy
Wow! What a story. The more I read, the fast I read, I was so into it.
Your story is simply stated, yet very powerful.
I found this to be a little confusing. It sounded like the boy never received a void from his father.
-replace the void the kid never received from their father.
I enjoyed reading this very much. So much emotion in it without making a point of it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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Wow! What a story. The more I read, the fast I read, I was so into it.
Your story is simply stated, yet very powerful.
I found this to be a little confusing. It sounded like the boy never received a void from his father.
-replace the void the kid never received from their father.
I enjoyed reading this very much. So much emotion in it without making a point of it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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Hi Yvonne, please excuse my late response to this wonderful review. My husband goes back to work next week following Christmas break, so FanStory and my muse have been muted. I hope to be back in earnest soon. Thank you for the wonderful review and time and talent in reading this piece. So very appreciated!
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You're welcome. Don't worry about the time. 8-)
Comment from Tsukuyomi969
I really loved this. It was so well written that I couldn't stop reading, and the interwoven facts helped make this credible, like it was a news report. You managed to develop intricate characters and a full story in a short piece, which was great. Wonderful job.
Cheers.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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I really loved this. It was so well written that I couldn't stop reading, and the interwoven facts helped make this credible, like it was a news report. You managed to develop intricate characters and a full story in a short piece, which was great. Wonderful job.
Cheers.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2017
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Hi Tsukuyomi, please excuse my late response to this wonderful review. My husband goes back to work next week following Christmas break, so FanStory and my muse have been muted. I hope to be back in earnest soon. Thank you for the wonderful review and time and talent in reading this piece. So very appreciated!
