Texas Dream Catcher
Viewing comments for Chapter 63 "Chapter Treinta y Tres, Part Dos"Drug & human trafficking, can romance win?
30 total reviews
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Barbara. Good to see a new chapter in your story again.
Little images like this are what makes a chapter a big success. It gives the reader a vision: "Kuruk leaned back in his chair."
Good images throughout, but you are always good at this: " "Me," Kuruk tapped his chest with his fist."
Superb dialogue and a good "hook" to end the chapter with, my friend. Bravo! Bob
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2016
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Hi, Barbara. Good to see a new chapter in your story again.
Little images like this are what makes a chapter a big success. It gives the reader a vision: "Kuruk leaned back in his chair."
Good images throughout, but you are always good at this: " "Me," Kuruk tapped his chest with his fist."
Superb dialogue and a good "hook" to end the chapter with, my friend. Bravo! Bob
Comment Written 19-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2016
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I am searching for an extremely strong ending and it hasn't come to me, but I everything finished until the final paragraph or two. Thank you for the kind review and support.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
I'm glad Kuruk asked him. Jim is a slowwww mover. Silly man. :)
Jim removed his phone and called his office. "I have a suspect in front of me who needs to be held for additional questioning." He listened for a minute. "I'll give you the details when you arrive. Has Jackson White called in with another suspect?" Again, he listened. "Good. I'll be waiting."
There's an easier way to show a one-sided phone conversation. Use an ellipsis for the unseen/unheard person, like this:
Jim removed his phone and called his office. "I have a suspect in front of me who needs to be held for additional questioning." ... "I'll give you the details when you arrive. Has Jackson White called in with another suspect?" ... "Good. I'll be waiting."
________
You must make a new paragraph every time a different person speaks or acts. This one needs to be broken up.
"You're trying to say she can work alongside the men better than she can females, and is more comfortable in jeans and boots than a dress and heels?" Kuruk nodded, and then Jim continued, "Kuruk, it's not like you to beat around the bush. What are you trying to say?"
Like this:
"You're trying to say she can work alongside the men better than she can females, and is more comfortable in jeans and boots than a dress and heels?"
Kuruk nodded.
"Kuruk, it's not like you to beat around the bush. What are you trying to say?"
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2016
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I'm glad Kuruk asked him. Jim is a slowwww mover. Silly man. :)
Jim removed his phone and called his office. "I have a suspect in front of me who needs to be held for additional questioning." He listened for a minute. "I'll give you the details when you arrive. Has Jackson White called in with another suspect?" Again, he listened. "Good. I'll be waiting."
There's an easier way to show a one-sided phone conversation. Use an ellipsis for the unseen/unheard person, like this:
Jim removed his phone and called his office. "I have a suspect in front of me who needs to be held for additional questioning." ... "I'll give you the details when you arrive. Has Jackson White called in with another suspect?" ... "Good. I'll be waiting."
________
You must make a new paragraph every time a different person speaks or acts. This one needs to be broken up.
"You're trying to say she can work alongside the men better than she can females, and is more comfortable in jeans and boots than a dress and heels?" Kuruk nodded, and then Jim continued, "Kuruk, it's not like you to beat around the bush. What are you trying to say?"
Like this:
"You're trying to say she can work alongside the men better than she can females, and is more comfortable in jeans and boots than a dress and heels?"
Kuruk nodded.
"Kuruk, it's not like you to beat around the bush. What are you trying to say?"
Comment Written 19-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2016
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I thought if Kuruk just nodded and said nothing Jim could continue. I am going to have to do research. Thank you for pointing it out. I have done that way through all my books. I appreciate your support.
Comment from ciliverde
Jim is in the hot seat now, and I hope he's the kind of guy who's in touch with his feelings - seems like he is. This was a good section, as the details of the story start to come together.
Carol
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2016
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Jim is in the hot seat now, and I hope he's the kind of guy who's in touch with his feelings - seems like he is. This was a good section, as the details of the story start to come together.
Carol
Comment Written 19-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2016
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Thank you for the kind review and support.
Comment from judiverse
Wonderful chapter. This has been a great story to follow. I suspected the Miguel had evil intentions from the beginning. He probably was attracted to Soni, but was more interested in having access to her land. That was some painkiller Kuruk gave Miguel. He was in really in happy land. Now we know the connection between Miguel and Middleton. No wonder Middleton was always hurling accusations and trying to make trouble for Soni and kuruk. I don't know if I mentioned it before, but I thought you might have brought in references to Miguel and Middleton in some of the more recent chapters, as It seems they had kind of vanished from the scene. judi
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2016
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Wonderful chapter. This has been a great story to follow. I suspected the Miguel had evil intentions from the beginning. He probably was attracted to Soni, but was more interested in having access to her land. That was some painkiller Kuruk gave Miguel. He was in really in happy land. Now we know the connection between Miguel and Middleton. No wonder Middleton was always hurling accusations and trying to make trouble for Soni and kuruk. I don't know if I mentioned it before, but I thought you might have brought in references to Miguel and Middleton in some of the more recent chapters, as It seems they had kind of vanished from the scene. judi
Comment Written 19-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2016
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Thank you for the kind review and support.
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You're very welcome. judi
Comment from L.lora
Excellent narratives and
dialogues blend seamlessly
into the story. The turn of
events, tying up some loose
ends and the pivotal turn at
the closing statement gives
the reader time to pause and
smile...where are we headed
down--the lull before the storm?
Enjoyable read, no nits or spags.
Lora
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2016
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Excellent narratives and
dialogues blend seamlessly
into the story. The turn of
events, tying up some loose
ends and the pivotal turn at
the closing statement gives
the reader time to pause and
smile...where are we headed
down--the lull before the storm?
Enjoyable read, no nits or spags.
Lora
Comment Written 19-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2016
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Thank you for the kind review and support.
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You are most welcome. Lora
Comment from Ulla
Hi Barbara, a very good chapter where the dialogue flowed very well. So with Miguel they have come a step closer to knowing what is going on. And you left us on a cliff hanger. What will Jim's answer be. I'll have to wait and see. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2016
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Hi Barbara, a very good chapter where the dialogue flowed very well. So with Miguel they have come a step closer to knowing what is going on. And you left us on a cliff hanger. What will Jim's answer be. I'll have to wait and see. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 19-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2016
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Thank you for the kind review and support.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Barbara:)
As Jim and Kuruk question Miguel, they learn that Miguel's cousin Eduardo was5he ring leader behind all the problems at the Rockin' A Ranch Eduardo was aa important member of a large drug cartel and enlisted FDA agent litleton along with Miguel to help him regain ownership uf 125,000 acres of the ranch.
Romance is suggested again when Kuruk asks Jim "Kuruk stood. "What are your intentions for my granddaughter?"
An excellent chapter with only one small nit noted: He walked over to ;[the] kitchen area. {You need the article 'the' as shown.}
Love and Urush Hugs,
Roger
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2016
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Hi Barbara:)
As Jim and Kuruk question Miguel, they learn that Miguel's cousin Eduardo was5he ring leader behind all the problems at the Rockin' A Ranch Eduardo was aa important member of a large drug cartel and enlisted FDA agent litleton along with Miguel to help him regain ownership uf 125,000 acres of the ranch.
Romance is suggested again when Kuruk asks Jim "Kuruk stood. "What are your intentions for my granddaughter?"
An excellent chapter with only one small nit noted: He walked over to ;[the] kitchen area. {You need the article 'the' as shown.}
Love and Urush Hugs,
Roger
Comment Written 19-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2016
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Thank you for the kind review and support. I have made the correction.
Comment from Jay Squires
Yeah, you can lift your chin to the sweet fragrance of resolution right around the corner, Barbara. You have another novel to jump into?
"Then you can along and threw a wrench into that plan." [Of course you've fixed this already: "Then you CAME along ...]
It's an everyday occurrence with the drug cartels so are the turf wars." [Looks to me like you have two sentences run together here.]
Kuruk stood. "What are your intentions for my granddaughter? [Good luck, Kuruk. I"ve been trying to get him to commit for half the book! LOL.]
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2016
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Yeah, you can lift your chin to the sweet fragrance of resolution right around the corner, Barbara. You have another novel to jump into?
"Then you can along and threw a wrench into that plan." [Of course you've fixed this already: "Then you CAME along ...]
It's an everyday occurrence with the drug cartels so are the turf wars." [Looks to me like you have two sentences run together here.]
Kuruk stood. "What are your intentions for my granddaughter? [Good luck, Kuruk. I"ve been trying to get him to commit for half the book! LOL.]
Comment Written 18-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2016
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Thank you for the kind review and support. LOL
Comment from elgone
So here it is, the question. Will Jim answer it truthfully? He's attracted to Soni and she is to him, but will Jim confess this to Kuruk? I guess he has to or else this book will go on for a long time.
E
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2016
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So here it is, the question. Will Jim answer it truthfully? He's attracted to Soni and she is to him, but will Jim confess this to Kuruk? I guess he has to or else this book will go on for a long time.
E
Comment Written 18-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2016
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Thank you for the kind review and support.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Barb
= OOPS! The 'entrapment' question.
= Great end hook. Will be nice to hear the answer.
= Good chapter. Tooooo short. (*<*)
<> Change =can= TO =came=
= "Then you [can](came) along and threw a wrench into that plan."
<> Missing quotes.
= "All right, old man, we'll leave it at that.(") Jim removed his
<> Need comma OR two separate sentences. (So are the turf wars."
= occurrence with the drug cartels(,) so are the turf wars."
<> A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
<> Cheers & Blessings ... Jax
<> Published as ... Jacqueline M Franklin
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2016
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Hi, Barb
= OOPS! The 'entrapment' question.
= Great end hook. Will be nice to hear the answer.
= Good chapter. Tooooo short. (*<*)
<> Change =can= TO =came=
= "Then you [can](came) along and threw a wrench into that plan."
<> Missing quotes.
= "All right, old man, we'll leave it at that.(") Jim removed his
<> Need comma OR two separate sentences. (So are the turf wars."
= occurrence with the drug cartels(,) so are the turf wars."
<> A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
<> Cheers & Blessings ... Jax
<> Published as ... Jacqueline M Franklin
Comment Written 18-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2016
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Thank you for the catches. I have made corrections.
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You bet. (*<*)
I always appreciate it when you help me out.
