Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

â?¤...--------> Fanstory's gremlins have struck again here it seems, Rickey...

This emotionally driven verse is almost reminiscent of some of the writings from the Good Book, particularly the Book of Psalms.

I'm deeply sorrowed to learn of the loss of your wife, and can only offer my condolences. Words are merely words, and do not truly convey the range of emotion or heartache you must be dealing with, or the pain inflicted for having to endure such a loss. My only hope is that your writing brings you some sense of comfort and release, and you find closure your pain.

Be well, Rickey...

~Dean

 Comment Written 17-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Feb-2016

is an honor being for you to review that piece I've gone through the list of rated writers here and I went noticed you on there in a couple categories which was so wonderful and so about 30 of your listed for pieces of us are reviewing them starting tomorrow I love to watch horror movies I'm actually watching one right now final destination 3 reducing serval times the problem with the horror movies today it's also fit with the blood and gore like the Saw series or the postelles but there's still quite interesting the way they put together I like a good suspense in Hiroshima and wonderful endings and as we know most of that work doesn't quite in that way Ricky 10:24

reply by Dean Kuch on 18-Feb-2016

I'm not a fan of gory movies either, Rickey. Buckets of blood, guts and gore is not true horror to me, merely splatterporn. Horror gets under your skin, like a tick. It latches onto you and drains you slowly, from the inside out. It's more psychological--like Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho, for example, or Rosemary's Baby, than it is Freddy Kruger or Jason Vorhees.

Anyhow, you are more than welcome for the review, my friend.

Take care...

~Dean

Comment from busses

Excellent

This is heart wrenching! You always know the beauty of words that leak naturally from the heart. I'm sorry for your losses. However I think you have gained the power of verse and its solace. God Bless

 Comment Written 17-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Feb-2016

thanks for your time and review for the hand that rocks the cradle busses Wiki 1024

Comment from cj lutton

Excellent

Your pain and anguish are clearly still raw enough to still and most probably always be ever present.

What remains with you however, are the cherished memories of a woman you undoubtedly loved without limit.

 Comment Written 17-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Feb-2016

thanks for this CJ and be sure to stay tuned for the second part of this later on the weekend as we get into March will be the 13th year in my son's passing you will know this many many more of these similar pieces to honor and dedicate to him Ricky 10:24

Comment from Helen Bach

Excellent

An extremely moving and powerful piece of writing that was a privilege to read. I felt some of the feeling that went into the creation of this piece and I thank you for sharing it.
Your words found a way to say such a lot.
The repetition seemed to ground the piece and give it an almost hymn like quality.
An impressive memoriam with interwoven sadness.
My warmest regards

 Comment Written 17-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Feb-2016

thank you for your time I love you how about you or are you related to Teresa Bach from Canada here she's also a writer and as I reviewed my work Ricky 10:24

Comment from zacharymanzano

Exceptional

Very touching. Absolute love and compassion is what I feel from this piece. I have never expierence this particular situation. My heart goes out to you sir and I am genuinely appreciative to have read this piece. Thank you for sharing

 Comment Written 17-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Feb-2016

thanks Zachary that is sad and powerful piece to piece I just presented which is 5 hearts will amaze you Ricky 10:24

Comment from RPSaxena

Excellent

Hello Ricky1024,
Heart touching piece of Spiritual Non-Fiction beautifully depicting A Dedication to Carolyn!
Wording is simple as well as impressive.
Repetition of 'Blessed shall be' makes it more impressive.
The last paragraph is particularly noteworthy.

 Comment Written 17-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 17-Feb-2016

thanks RP for that and be sure to read my latest piece which is much more powerful an amazing in five poems Ricky 10:24

Comment from GracieAnn

Excellent

Ricky,
This is a powerful, emotional and thoughtful write that grips the reader with the emotion of loss and grief. Well done. :0 GracieAnn

 Comment Written 16-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 16-Feb-2016

thanks for that greasy and I'm sure my late wife Carolyn precedes it too

Comment from kathleenspalding

Excellent

Very moving poem about a tragic situation and a total tragedy, beautifully done. Superbly written. Reminds us to appreciate the people in our lives. Thank you for writing and sharing.

 Comment Written 16-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 16-Feb-2016

thank you for your time in review by Kathleen

reply by kathleenspalding on 16-Feb-2016

You're welcome

Comment from frogbook

Excellent

Very poignant and sad. So sorry for your losses. You have spoken of them quite beautifully here. "As the angels now reside with Thee on this anniversary," is a compelling line.

 Comment Written 16-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 16-Feb-2016

thanks so much for that the frog back frog but much appreciated Mickey 1024

Comment from Dopeless Hopefiend

Average

I'm so sorry for your loss. This sounds like a terrible experience for anyone to have to go through. However, since this IS a place where writers are supposed to learn and evolve...I find it hard to give this a five star rating like the many others before me.

Unless this is a radical form of freestyle poetry I'm yet to encounter, there is a load of SPAG in here.


@$$??"Blessed Shall Be?"?!!$$@
By Ricky1024

(Written on February 11th,2016 at 1:43AM.EST.)
(A Dedication to My Late Wife Carolyn Ann Richmond Harbach Smrkovsky)

"Blessed shall be...
"Thyl stars where Ye reside.."
"Bessed shall be...
"The Earth, the Moon and all. Thy Love each and every time I cry...

(Why is there an open quote, and no closure...then you close the quotes on the second line...and leave them open again in the third and fourth...who is speaking here? Are you speaking? Being spoken to? I have no idea. You're missing the "L" in "blessed" also up there, and you have capitalized things that you didn't need to capitalize, such as "Earth" "Moon" and "Love"... also... I'm not sure thyl is a word? "Ye" is capitalized... are you referring to god here?)

...
"Blessed small be...
"Thy Soul and Thu Heart for Thu Love has passed us by...
"And blessed she'll be...
"This Love for Thee...
"For it shall never die...

(Again with the eternal open quotation marks. Soul, Heart, Love capitalized?)

****

"Blessed shall be...
"* You my Love for You exist nevermore...
"And blessed shall be...
"You Dear because God forgot and passed You *by...

(Open quotations, Love, You, Dear, You again capitalized. It's confusing because when you see pronouns capitalized you assume the person who did so is referring to god. Is that what you're trying to do here? I didn't think so by your asterisk description, so if it's only for emphasis I think there are other ways to do this...such as using a word processor and italicizing or the likes.)

...
"Blessed shall be...
"You my Love for you could not take anymore...
"And blessed shall be...
"That pain and grief of Thee for God finally absorbed It all as You Cried...

(Open quotations, Love capitalized, Thee capitalized, It capitalized, "You Cried" capitalized...)
...
"And BLESSED SHALL BE...
"THEE MY LOVE AND HEART...
"AS THE ANGELS NOW RESIDE WITH THEE ON THIS ANIVERSERY....
" AS I CRY...

(open quotes, everything's capitalized...again I think you tried to do this for emphasis? It might work better in italics, or bold, or something of the sort. Anniversary is spelled wrong, and there is an extra space in the beginning of the last line)

-------------

I do love the raw emotion I can kind of feel in this poetic cry for spiritual justice, but the structure and SPAG make it hard for me to even concentrate on the true message here.

I am indeed sorry for your losses and the experiences you have gone through. I think you would have a real wonderful poem here if you took the time to correct all the errors and formatted in a way that is more friendly to the eyes.

Thank you for sharing and I wish you the best of luck,

-D.H

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 16-Feb-2016

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reply by the author on 16-Feb-2016

we all have our own particular writing style the capitalization in the end was for dramatic effect they're actually this was originally written on a phone so it was loaded with Grandma cars and probably take about an hour to clean it up as far as I could see I got them all and what you had wrote down there as early as I could not even see them it does not deserve three stores as is or six stores that actually going on its way to a blue ribbon now it's on the very front page number to to be seen and reviewed all my friends are reviewing it right now I only need a few more and I'll have a blue ribbon for this so cording to you 3 star rated home it's actually dedication for the death of my family members too so it's a shame that you couldn't even understand that but maybe that's why you have the name that you do 24 24

reply by Dopeless Hopefiend on 16-Feb-2016

Wow, awesome for you to attack me, but that's alright. I understand it's a dedication, I was trying to be helpful...I find it discouraging that all your friends would hand you a five star rating based purely off the fact they feel bad for what you have gone through.

I do understand your troubles, I have lost many people in my life. It's a shame, and it's a terrible thing to go through, but it does not mean that it cannot be a growing experience for you both spiritually and as a writer.

I'm sorry you can't understand where I am coming from, and I do wish you the best of luck. By the way, once you reach a certain number of reviews the highest and lowest rating does not affect the total rank of piece or whether or not it will be Recognized (blue ribbon)


Best of luck,

-D.H