A Father's Pride
senryu (A Father's Pride)15 total reviews
Comment from robina1978
Excellent photo of mother and baby that complements your poem perfectly. It is a well written Senryu with attention for father and mother. And mother's boobs. Best wishes for the prompt.
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Excellent photo of mother and baby that complements your poem perfectly. It is a well written Senryu with attention for father and mother. And mother's boobs. Best wishes for the prompt.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2015
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Could have done without the last line. The rest of the poem very nicely supports its theme of "a man's pride and joy". The last line completely changes that theme from one of a new baby to one of lusting after a woman's boobs.
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Could have done without the last line. The rest of the poem very nicely supports its theme of "a man's pride and joy". The last line completely changes that theme from one of a new baby to one of lusting after a woman's boobs.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2015
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
This competition is bringing out some genuinely funny pieces. I really liked this one - surprise, surprise!
It is also very true!
Nice one
GMG
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Hi there,
This competition is bringing out some genuinely funny pieces. I really liked this one - surprise, surprise!
It is also very true!
Nice one
GMG
Comment Written 27-Jul-2015
Comment from rjuselius
sorry dear friend, i thought "a father's pride" belonged in the poem, my mistake.
thank you for sharing!
good luck!
blessings!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015
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sorry dear friend, i thought "a father's pride" belonged in the poem, my mistake.
thank you for sharing!
good luck!
blessings!
rebekka x
Comment Written 27-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015
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I'm not sure I understand. This is 5-6-5, sixteen syllables. The contest calls for less than seventeen. What am I missing?
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Oh. Ha! I get it. LOL. The title doesn't appear in Classic the way it does in the new format. So with a black background I have to stick it up towards the top. I've asked Tom to fix it somehow, but he doesn't seem to want to make it his number one priority. Thanks for bearing with me. :)
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
I just happened by this "senryu" and notice that the contest states it must be LESS than 17 syllables. This is exactly 17 syllables, so may be in question by the committee. (Although I don't see that rule as being a good one, I thought I'd point it out since that's what the rule says. Let me know if you change it and I will change the rating. Good luck, Jeanie Mercer
(I see you changed it, and I also changed my rating to 5.)
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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015
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I just happened by this "senryu" and notice that the contest states it must be LESS than 17 syllables. This is exactly 17 syllables, so may be in question by the committee. (Although I don't see that rule as being a good one, I thought I'd point it out since that's what the rule says. Let me know if you change it and I will change the rating. Good luck, Jeanie Mercer
(I see you changed it, and I also changed my rating to 5.)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015
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Oh my. You are right. It does say LESS. I went out of my way to make it the usual 5-7-5!!
Thank you so much for making the extra effort. It reads much better now. I have some time, so maybe I can pare it down even more. I'll keep my eyes open and check the other entries. I have the feeling I won't be the only one to miss it. Pay it forward. :) Thanks again.
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Good for you. I, too, bet you won't be the only one to miss this, and I have a hunch even the contest writer did not express it as he/she meant to. But that is what it says. I have changed the rating to five stars. Best regards.
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Thanks again. :)
