Haibun: The art of back and forth.
Entering yesterday through today's swinging door.23 total reviews
Comment from GWHARGIS
I have a weakness for haibuns and your ws wonderful. You gave a full story here and I could see a woman sitting there taking in all the scents and sounds of the morning using everything to remind her of her lost love. All 310 lbs. of him. That was a great line. Nicely done. good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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I have a weakness for haibuns and your ws wonderful. You gave a full story here and I could see a woman sitting there taking in all the scents and sounds of the morning using everything to remind her of her lost love. All 310 lbs. of him. That was a great line. Nicely done. good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 01-May-2014
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Thank you for the great review. Haibun is my favorite form. Glad you got the point that what she was taking in with her senses, is what triggered the memories.
Comment from adewpearl
stunning artwork
good alliteration
snatched up like...effective simile
love the alliteration and the humor in the busy bastards haiku
Big as you were, Jeb - add comma for direct address
great visual of this large man waltzing across the room
beautiful detail in prose and poetry sections - I love the wistful, nostalgic tone coupled with just the right amount of warm humor as the speaker misses this man, so important in her life. Brooke
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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stunning artwork
good alliteration
snatched up like...effective simile
love the alliteration and the humor in the busy bastards haiku
Big as you were, Jeb - add comma for direct address
great visual of this large man waltzing across the room
beautiful detail in prose and poetry sections - I love the wistful, nostalgic tone coupled with just the right amount of warm humor as the speaker misses this man, so important in her life. Brooke
Comment Written 01-May-2014
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Thank you for he awesome review, Brooke, appreciate it.
Comment from Jean Lutz
Memories living all around and a pen to write them down. Undying love poured out in Haibun form. Sure looks like a winner to me. Best wishes.
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Memories living all around and a pen to write them down. Undying love poured out in Haibun form. Sure looks like a winner to me. Best wishes.
Comment Written 01-May-2014
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Thank you for the vote of confidence.
Comment from Njorgensen
I like the structure you chose for this poem. It lends itself to a thoughtful pace, which perhaps is just how one would engage in such thoughts. Well done.
Njorgensen
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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I like the structure you chose for this poem. It lends itself to a thoughtful pace, which perhaps is just how one would engage in such thoughts. Well done.
Njorgensen
Comment Written 01-May-2014
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Thank you. The haibun is composed of three elements. Title, prose and scattered haiku or senryu.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi Dallas
What a wonderful piece of art the reinforce the nostalgic mood. I love the unique formatting, adding to the impact of the poem that sucks the reader in.
Definitely six star worthy!
Cheers
Keep Smilin'.... Jax
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Hi Dallas
What a wonderful piece of art the reinforce the nostalgic mood. I love the unique formatting, adding to the impact of the poem that sucks the reader in.
Definitely six star worthy!
Cheers
Keep Smilin'.... Jax
Comment Written 01-May-2014
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Thanks for the wonderful review. Welcome to Fanstory.
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Thx Dallas for the nice welcome. I'm really enjoying. Cheers!
Comment from Spitfire
Dallas, every poem you put out there proves to me you're high in the ranks of literary caliber. Perfect title and description in this stream of consciousness halibun. The love she had for this big man is evident. But from the end, I guess he took to the road. Good luck in the contest. Another six--but I just gave you one. Catch you again next week.
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Dallas, every poem you put out there proves to me you're high in the ranks of literary caliber. Perfect title and description in this stream of consciousness halibun. The love she had for this big man is evident. But from the end, I guess he took to the road. Good luck in the contest. Another six--but I just gave you one. Catch you again next week.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Thank you for the awesome compliment. I think maybe this good man died. We'll give him the benefit of the doubt.
Comment from ravenblack
You are truly the master of haibun. You tie the landscape so well into memories of Jed. Wheat " a summer waltz with no lyrics" seamlessly becoming Jed's smooth dance; the creaking of the swing his blanketed snores. And that last haiku- so haunting. A six if I had one. The second time in nearly as many poems that I have told you that. I have to learn to hold some more than a couple days.
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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You are truly the master of haibun. You tie the landscape so well into memories of Jed. Wheat " a summer waltz with no lyrics" seamlessly becoming Jed's smooth dance; the creaking of the swing his blanketed snores. And that last haiku- so haunting. A six if I had one. The second time in nearly as many poems that I have told you that. I have to learn to hold some more than a couple days.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Thank you so much, friend. The haibun is actually my favorite form, but I can't write them on demand, I have to wait for them to evolve in their own time.
:.)
Comment from Jay Squires
This is a compelling poem that picks up on the lonliness and missing of a loved one. The chair is a symbol of movement while sitting still, just as her mind moves in the direction of her sadness while she remains stuck in the present.
must need oiled, [oil or oiling]
Good work!
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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This is a compelling poem that picks up on the lonliness and missing of a loved one. The chair is a symbol of movement while sitting still, just as her mind moves in the direction of her sadness while she remains stuck in the present.
must need oiled, [oil or oiling]
Good work!
Comment Written 30-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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thanks for the great review and the sharp eye. Corrected to (oiing)
Comment from Spiritual Echo
I don't think I'm going to say anything beyond--this is where you belong, threading the talents of your life into a focused thought.
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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I don't think I'm going to say anything beyond--this is where you belong, threading the talents of your life into a focused thought.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Well thank you so much and appreciate the bonus star. here I am still up and yawning....
Comment from reconciled
Exceptional D.....I was sitting on the swing...inside your mind....yes, ...special memories caress the spirit refreshed. Remarkable read...love you michael
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Exceptional D.....I was sitting on the swing...inside your mind....yes, ...special memories caress the spirit refreshed. Remarkable read...love you michael
Comment Written 30-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Thanks so much for the great review. You could get lost real fast in my mind. In fact, you could fall off the edge. lol
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ahh its okay...I brought equipment....-smile-
