No Excuse; I'm Just Me
64-year-old-teenager survives angst15 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
due to my parents trying very hard to maintain some continuity of the life that they left behind. [I wish I could say with conviction what I feel and am saying with trepidation: (isn't there an apostrophe after parents {parents'}? I think it's possessive plural, or plural possessive. And, I'm enclosing my question in parentheses to emphasize I am whispering it in your ear so my possible ignorance won't go beyond us.]
It wasn't obvious. It was a critical reprimand, admonishing me for an allegiance to Canada. [Insightful and powerfully put.]
I could never please my mother's need to parent based on her own childhood recollections.[Again, very perceptive.]
It was the band of indifference that separated our touchstones that caused conflict. [You have to really give some thought to this very precise image before it coalesced in my mind, but it was worth the effort.]
I won't embarrass you by telling you how brilliant your writing is. But, I hope the people who read this as a contest entry read it closely. Your soul is laid bare here. I, for one, feel I met with someone for the first time!
Good luck, Spiritual Echo!
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2014
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due to my parents trying very hard to maintain some continuity of the life that they left behind. [I wish I could say with conviction what I feel and am saying with trepidation: (isn't there an apostrophe after parents {parents'}? I think it's possessive plural, or plural possessive. And, I'm enclosing my question in parentheses to emphasize I am whispering it in your ear so my possible ignorance won't go beyond us.]
It wasn't obvious. It was a critical reprimand, admonishing me for an allegiance to Canada. [Insightful and powerfully put.]
I could never please my mother's need to parent based on her own childhood recollections.[Again, very perceptive.]
It was the band of indifference that separated our touchstones that caused conflict. [You have to really give some thought to this very precise image before it coalesced in my mind, but it was worth the effort.]
I won't embarrass you by telling you how brilliant your writing is. But, I hope the people who read this as a contest entry read it closely. Your soul is laid bare here. I, for one, feel I met with someone for the first time!
Good luck, Spiritual Echo!
Comment Written 13-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2014
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You know, I may have written my autobiography three years ago and felt like this was repetitious, but thank you for cherishing my truth.
Comment from The Death
Hi, SE.
It is a very interesting wrote where you have narrated your thoughts about nationality and differences in principles with your family.
It is a common thing that we may not agree with the ideology of our parents. They were born in a different time, and the circumstances during their childhood were responsible for the development of their characters. Similarly, we have our own unique, defining personality.
Notes:
Though(,) I had no way of knowing how hard my parents struggled to adjust to a new country and culture,
They only knew that they didn't want to continue to live under oppression and fled, not towards a country of choice, but away from what they hated.
The above line can be still tweaked, avoiding the use of two 'they' and 'to' in such a short space.
Options:
They only knew that they didn't want to continue living under oppression and fled, not towards a country of choice, but away from what they hated.
It doesn't change your original lines much.
OR
The only thing they wished was to not continue living under oppression and fled, not towards a country of choice, but away from what they hated.
I felt a clear entitlement to the birthright of being born Can(a)dian.
I gave up trying at some point, recognizing that I could never please my mother's need to parent(,) based on her own childhood recollections.
but then I surmised that she simply didn't want anyone to interfere with our world(,) or put this European family under a microscope.
None of the parents looked very closely at the generational differences(,) or the assets and flaws of their children; they focused on lineage.
By most standards(,) I'm a character, a weird and aging lady who is a non-conformist(.) (B)ut trust me, in my own self-evaluation, caught right there in the middle, I don't think I ever grew up.
It would be better if you provide pauses in the longer sentences, so that a reader can ponder and connect to your thoughts.
Your point of view comes out apparently and strongly here. You succeeded in drafting her character as well while sharing your rebellious nature during the childhood.
She wanted to develop you differently, but you chose your own way. As the childhood always plays a key role in framing one's personality, its after-effects may cause concern.
It is not easy to let go off the past. Yesterday always hurts today.
The closing is really apt where you have shown that you like the way you are. It's like an indirect, inspirational message to everyone--just be the way you are.
This is a very potential entry for the contest.
Best of luck!
Warm regards,
Anupam
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2014
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Hi, SE.
It is a very interesting wrote where you have narrated your thoughts about nationality and differences in principles with your family.
It is a common thing that we may not agree with the ideology of our parents. They were born in a different time, and the circumstances during their childhood were responsible for the development of their characters. Similarly, we have our own unique, defining personality.
Notes:
Though(,) I had no way of knowing how hard my parents struggled to adjust to a new country and culture,
They only knew that they didn't want to continue to live under oppression and fled, not towards a country of choice, but away from what they hated.
The above line can be still tweaked, avoiding the use of two 'they' and 'to' in such a short space.
Options:
They only knew that they didn't want to continue living under oppression and fled, not towards a country of choice, but away from what they hated.
It doesn't change your original lines much.
OR
The only thing they wished was to not continue living under oppression and fled, not towards a country of choice, but away from what they hated.
I felt a clear entitlement to the birthright of being born Can(a)dian.
I gave up trying at some point, recognizing that I could never please my mother's need to parent(,) based on her own childhood recollections.
but then I surmised that she simply didn't want anyone to interfere with our world(,) or put this European family under a microscope.
None of the parents looked very closely at the generational differences(,) or the assets and flaws of their children; they focused on lineage.
By most standards(,) I'm a character, a weird and aging lady who is a non-conformist(.) (B)ut trust me, in my own self-evaluation, caught right there in the middle, I don't think I ever grew up.
It would be better if you provide pauses in the longer sentences, so that a reader can ponder and connect to your thoughts.
Your point of view comes out apparently and strongly here. You succeeded in drafting her character as well while sharing your rebellious nature during the childhood.
She wanted to develop you differently, but you chose your own way. As the childhood always plays a key role in framing one's personality, its after-effects may cause concern.
It is not easy to let go off the past. Yesterday always hurts today.
The closing is really apt where you have shown that you like the way you are. It's like an indirect, inspirational message to everyone--just be the way you are.
This is a very potential entry for the contest.
Best of luck!
Warm regards,
Anupam
Comment Written 13-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2014
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I'll give it thought and look over your suggestions again. I appreciate your visit and suggestions.
Comment from Nosha17
I liked your story with its honest, forthright views on your allegiance to Canada. I think you were absolutely right to do that. You made good use of language in the narrative and descriptions and it flowed along at a steady pace. Most enjoyable and well written. Good luck in the contest. Faye
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2014
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I liked your story with its honest, forthright views on your allegiance to Canada. I think you were absolutely right to do that. You made good use of language in the narrative and descriptions and it flowed along at a steady pace. Most enjoyable and well written. Good luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 13-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2014
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I appreciate the read and review.
Comment from dmt1967
This story I can relate to my friend as like you I inspirational to be more than I was expected to be much to my families disapproval good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2014
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This story I can relate to my friend as like you I inspirational to be more than I was expected to be much to my families disapproval good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing
Comment Written 13-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2014
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Wow, my launch I rewarded with a six-star accolade. I'm really humbled and grateful. I guess you get it.
Comment from GWHARGIS
This was a pretty gutsy piece. It is very hard to take off our bandages and let others see our wounds. You neither asked for pity nor do I think you would ever entertain it. I liked the directness in which you wrote. The essay was wonderful.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2014
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This was a pretty gutsy piece. It is very hard to take off our bandages and let others see our wounds. You neither asked for pity nor do I think you would ever entertain it. I liked the directness in which you wrote. The essay was wonderful.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2014
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Thank you. The escape from childhood was a heroic adventure.