Sins of My Father
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Visit"A coming of age story.
14 total reviews
Comment from Misrael
1 question for you. How old is Rory Dean Junior supposed to be? I am looking forward to reading more and finding out what happens with Rory Dean Junior and his father and mother. Good read and keep on writing.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2014
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1 question for you. How old is Rory Dean Junior supposed to be? I am looking forward to reading more and finding out what happens with Rory Dean Junior and his father and mother. Good read and keep on writing.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2014
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Rory is fifteen. That horrible age where a boy still wants t
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I am so happy you are playing this forward Gretchen. So Kathleen's older sister Cicily? I making sure that Rory Dean pays for his sins. He must think he should as well or he would not be there but why make the boy pay when she has no interest in him? Well done. xsx Nancy
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2014
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I am so happy you are playing this forward Gretchen. So Kathleen's older sister Cicily? I making sure that Rory Dean pays for his sins. He must think he should as well or he would not be there but why make the boy pay when she has no interest in him? Well done. xsx Nancy
Comment Written 29-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Nancy, I am glad you are on board for this. Thanks for the great review and the nice rating. Gretchen
Comment from Eternal Muse
This was such a great story. Held my attention from the first phrase to the last. You make a great use of a dialogue which is the key to every successful story. Your characters - father and son, are well sculptured, and I like their interaction. The father like control, and the son is a bit like a puppet on his strings. The father wants son to clean the house for the arrival of the boy's mother, of all people!
I found these very strong:
"Dad, what was Kathleen like before I was born?" He starts wrapping the cord around the hooks and doesn't answer me right away.
When he does finally answer he looks me in the eye and gives me the saddest smile I've ever seen.
"Same as she is now. A mannequin, an empty, beautiful mannequin."
Most fathers would try to sugar coat the truth, not Dean, not my dad.
My dad says there is no favor in sugar coating anything. He says that sweetening the truth may let it go in easier, but it will still leave a bad taste in your mouth.
Excellent study of human nature, of that man in particular. And to say that to the son of the woman in question of all people! Says much how he abhored lies.
Excellent story.
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reply by the author on 30-Mar-2014
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This was such a great story. Held my attention from the first phrase to the last. You make a great use of a dialogue which is the key to every successful story. Your characters - father and son, are well sculptured, and I like their interaction. The father like control, and the son is a bit like a puppet on his strings. The father wants son to clean the house for the arrival of the boy's mother, of all people!
I found these very strong:
"Dad, what was Kathleen like before I was born?" He starts wrapping the cord around the hooks and doesn't answer me right away.
When he does finally answer he looks me in the eye and gives me the saddest smile I've ever seen.
"Same as she is now. A mannequin, an empty, beautiful mannequin."
Most fathers would try to sugar coat the truth, not Dean, not my dad.
My dad says there is no favor in sugar coating anything. He says that sweetening the truth may let it go in easier, but it will still leave a bad taste in your mouth.
Excellent study of human nature, of that man in particular. And to say that to the son of the woman in question of all people! Says much how he abhored lies.
Excellent story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2014
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The Father in the this story is the main character in The Shine Baby. He is older now and his son is telling his own story. Great review and the nice comments. Gretchen
Comment from evilynne
This excerpt of a longer story is quite well written. The characters come to life as the story progresses, and the reader wants to know more. We certainly want to meet Kathleen. I found the story easy to read and understand. The character development was coming along nicely.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2014
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This excerpt of a longer story is quite well written. The characters come to life as the story progresses, and the reader wants to know more. We certainly want to meet Kathleen. I found the story easy to read and understand. The character development was coming along nicely.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2014
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Thank you for the great review and the nice comments. Gretchen
