Savannah Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 60 "Chapter 13, part 2"Can a fallen confederate soldier encourage love?
67 total reviews
Comment from Mishelly
I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but your dialogue is very natural. It really stood out for me in this post. I believed every line each character said.
I can't believe someone has gone after Cash's mother. Whoever is behind this is really stopping at nothing to get what they want. I still think it's hilarious how Paige and Cash keep arguing on the existence of ghosts. It will be interesting to find out Cash's reaction if he's proven wrong :-)
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2013
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I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but your dialogue is very natural. It really stood out for me in this post. I believed every line each character said.
I can't believe someone has gone after Cash's mother. Whoever is behind this is really stopping at nothing to get what they want. I still think it's hilarious how Paige and Cash keep arguing on the existence of ghosts. It will be interesting to find out Cash's reaction if he's proven wrong :-)
Comment Written 03-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2013
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Thank you for the kind review and dropping by.
Comment from RalphNater
I'm glad I went back to read the other part, as I was a little lost with the story. However, the writing is very good and intriguing. Can't wait to read the rest.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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I'm glad I went back to read the other part, as I was a little lost with the story. However, the writing is very good and intriguing. Can't wait to read the rest.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ducorse
I like this chapter very much. Good smooth action and good dialogue.
One thing I noticed.
--... it." Cash answered his ringing cell phone. "I'm on my way." He stood. "Billy Joe, come on. Mom's got trouble."
This transition seems abrupt. Might be better to start another paragraph when Cash answers the phone, or have the phone ring a few times while other action goes on. The story just seems rushed here.
Same with when Cash calls the police, might add some description to enhance the story.
Thanks for a great read.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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I like this chapter very much. Good smooth action and good dialogue.
One thing I noticed.
--... it." Cash answered his ringing cell phone. "I'm on my way." He stood. "Billy Joe, come on. Mom's got trouble."
This transition seems abrupt. Might be better to start another paragraph when Cash answers the phone, or have the phone ring a few times while other action goes on. The story just seems rushed here.
Same with when Cash calls the police, might add some description to enhance the story.
Thanks for a great read.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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I was wondering about those areas too. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from SteveY
Very nicely done with this one my friend. I can surely see why it's already reached all time best status. You definitely have a knack for story telling!
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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Very nicely done with this one my friend. I can surely see why it's already reached all time best status. You definitely have a knack for story telling!
Comment Written 03-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Curly Girly
This was well written and I spotted no issues. They are lucky if the police are prepared to come out because of a slashed tyre. But I agree with Cash, things are getting creepy and the should not stay there.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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This was well written and I spotted no issues. They are lucky if the police are prepared to come out because of a slashed tyre. But I agree with Cash, things are getting creepy and the should not stay there.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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Thank you for the kind review and dropping by.
Comment from Glasstruth
Suspenseful. Kept me glued to the story. Also, the question of, Are there ghosts? The dialogue was smooth. Even tough I haven't been following this. It was easy to know what was going on. Thanks for sharing. Les
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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Suspenseful. Kept me glued to the story. Also, the question of, Are there ghosts? The dialogue was smooth. Even tough I haven't been following this. It was easy to know what was going on. Thanks for sharing. Les
Comment Written 03-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from AprilShower
My goodness! Why would anyone do something like? Whoever it is must be crazy. Well written, Barbara. The chapter moved very along smoothly. Hope they find out soon who is doing all this.
April
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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My goodness! Why would anyone do something like? Whoever it is must be crazy. Well written, Barbara. The chapter moved very along smoothly. Hope they find out soon who is doing all this.
April
Comment Written 03-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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Thank you for the kind review and dropping by.
Comment from clifto97
the chapter is good definitely make me want to read more of your work. i feel the story can be improved by having a better description of their surrounding rather than them just talking the whole time
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reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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the chapter is good definitely make me want to read more of your work. i feel the story can be improved by having a better description of their surrounding rather than them just talking the whole time
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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Thank you. Some people don't like a lot of descriptions.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Barbara:)
I like this chapter as your characters finally seem serious about listing all the clews, including the ones that Cash still thinks are frivolous.
the vandalism at Cash's home seems to put the emphasis back on human activies and away from the supernatural forces that Paige thinks are in play.
I am read for more strange happenings as Cash and Paige get closer to the truth.
Quite entertaining. Love and Irish Hugs to encourage you with your writing.
Roger
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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Hi Barbara:)
I like this chapter as your characters finally seem serious about listing all the clews, including the ones that Cash still thinks are frivolous.
the vandalism at Cash's home seems to put the emphasis back on human activies and away from the supernatural forces that Paige thinks are in play.
I am read for more strange happenings as Cash and Paige get closer to the truth.
Quite entertaining. Love and Irish Hugs to encourage you with your writing.
Roger
Comment Written 03-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2013
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Thank you for the kind review and dropping by. I always enjoy hearing from you.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
I like how you're putting all the puzzle pieces together. Cash, I think, is beginning to perhaps believe that something other-worldly is going on.
One suggestion:
Billy Joe followed his friend. "They ain't flat, they been slashed."
The tires are flat, so saying they aren't doesn't quite make sense.
You could just say: Billy Joe followed his friend. "They've been slashed." etc etc.
Hugs,
Av
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2013
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I like how you're putting all the puzzle pieces together. Cash, I think, is beginning to perhaps believe that something other-worldly is going on.
One suggestion:
Billy Joe followed his friend. "They ain't flat, they been slashed."
The tires are flat, so saying they aren't doesn't quite make sense.
You could just say: Billy Joe followed his friend. "They've been slashed." etc etc.
Hugs,
Av
Comment Written 03-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2013
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Thank you for catching those. Sorry for the late reply. I needed time to make the corrections.
