The Little Dog That Wouldn't Let Go
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "They Want You Always in Their Debt."Subtitle: God Never Lets Go!
29 total reviews
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
I liked this finance company's cunning antics in essay form.
It has structured words on exploitative business technique of a loan company, collection of loan and about financial counselling, and your hard living as a self-employed, part-time work as manager and teaching music business.
Good mention of how loan company people transform as the "Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde" after loan contract signed; parents helped solving financial and other problems.
I liked easy said art of expression, simple comprehensible language, sequential with flashback style of presentation, no exaggeration, hearty feelings and emotions shared.
This non-fiction deserves for a 6-star.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2017
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I liked this finance company's cunning antics in essay form.
It has structured words on exploitative business technique of a loan company, collection of loan and about financial counselling, and your hard living as a self-employed, part-time work as manager and teaching music business.
Good mention of how loan company people transform as the "Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde" after loan contract signed; parents helped solving financial and other problems.
I liked easy said art of expression, simple comprehensible language, sequential with flashback style of presentation, no exaggeration, hearty feelings and emotions shared.
This non-fiction deserves for a 6-star.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2017
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Thanks very much I think I had a look at your Portfolio and I don't think I found any writing in there? Are you planning on doing some or what is happening? Sadly a lot of the great writers are jumping off FS. I did plan to go but silly me I just renewed for 2 years as 1 year was not much cheaper.
Comment from Thal1959
This is an overall good write, Geoff, though you are still using single-quotes where double-quotes should be used. I believe you had also made this next mistake in a previous chapter, "of whom I owed outstanding pre-paid lessons' fees." The apostrophe should be before the "s" in lesson's.
There is also an inconsistency here -
"I would have a list of the specials each day, and move around the area, with my little microphone and portable speaker. I would have loved to have been supplied with one of those cordless mikes (radio mikes, they were called), so I could be more flexible and have the ability to move further away from the speaker.
I know now, it was not a good idea to get into more debt to purchase another car."
That first paragraph is continuing your description of your job at G.B. But then, there is an abrupt switch in subject to an event you had with your car and a financial problem. This "second" subject should be "introduced" to the reader.
Let me give you an example of how I would have arranged this... First comes the final paragraph that is focused on the job;
"I would have a list of the specials each day, and move around the area, with my little microphone and portable speaker. I would have loved to have been supplied with one of those cordless mikes (radio mikes, they were called), so I could be more flexible and have the ability to move further away from the speaker." (I now remove the line that abruptly changes the subject and insert an introductory line,)
["Speaking of wanting for more flexibility of movement,] Due to the job at "G.B.'s," I had to park in an "unofficial" staff car park across from Westfield, Parramatta. That spot has, for a long time since, been covered by the ever expanding Westfield Shopping Centre. (Now, I can add the original "abrupt" line here) "I know now, it was not a good idea to get into more debt to purchase another car (for) on October 22nd, 1982, a fire started under my car, as I parked it, and spread to destroy my car and several others in that area. It was a big shock to see my precious station waggon being consumed by the fire."
You also repeated the problem with your use of asterisks... "Due to the job at "G.B.'s*", I had to park..." Again, use an asterisk if there is a clarifying note below to explain its presence. Such as -
* G.B.'s - Grace Brothers. A store in Parramatta.
Also, after you closed the quote marks, you followed with the comma which should also be in the quote marks. "G.B.'s,"
Whew!
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2017
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This is an overall good write, Geoff, though you are still using single-quotes where double-quotes should be used. I believe you had also made this next mistake in a previous chapter, "of whom I owed outstanding pre-paid lessons' fees." The apostrophe should be before the "s" in lesson's.
There is also an inconsistency here -
"I would have a list of the specials each day, and move around the area, with my little microphone and portable speaker. I would have loved to have been supplied with one of those cordless mikes (radio mikes, they were called), so I could be more flexible and have the ability to move further away from the speaker.
I know now, it was not a good idea to get into more debt to purchase another car."
That first paragraph is continuing your description of your job at G.B. But then, there is an abrupt switch in subject to an event you had with your car and a financial problem. This "second" subject should be "introduced" to the reader.
Let me give you an example of how I would have arranged this... First comes the final paragraph that is focused on the job;
"I would have a list of the specials each day, and move around the area, with my little microphone and portable speaker. I would have loved to have been supplied with one of those cordless mikes (radio mikes, they were called), so I could be more flexible and have the ability to move further away from the speaker." (I now remove the line that abruptly changes the subject and insert an introductory line,)
["Speaking of wanting for more flexibility of movement,] Due to the job at "G.B.'s," I had to park in an "unofficial" staff car park across from Westfield, Parramatta. That spot has, for a long time since, been covered by the ever expanding Westfield Shopping Centre. (Now, I can add the original "abrupt" line here) "I know now, it was not a good idea to get into more debt to purchase another car (for) on October 22nd, 1982, a fire started under my car, as I parked it, and spread to destroy my car and several others in that area. It was a big shock to see my precious station waggon being consumed by the fire."
You also repeated the problem with your use of asterisks... "Due to the job at "G.B.'s*", I had to park..." Again, use an asterisk if there is a clarifying note below to explain its presence. Such as -
* G.B.'s - Grace Brothers. A store in Parramatta.
Also, after you closed the quote marks, you followed with the comma which should also be in the quote marks. "G.B.'s,"
Whew!
Comment Written 03-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2017
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Ha, thanks mate I thought I had ya licked. But we can't let you off too easy huh! Those A things are courtesy of silly old FS. Will work on this and get back to ya thanks again. Takes time to improve fully mate, thanks again. I think I just missed some of these due to crook eyes.
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You are just making some common mistakes, Geoff. As you go, those things will straighten themselves out. The bulk of your writing is doing fine.
Comment from Kausar_Javeria
Hello there~!
Oh! So this is about yourself? A biographical work is always of great interest to me. And I really liked reading your work as well. Sometime later I shall go and read this book from the beginning. It's very nicely-written.
JazakAllah Khair~!
(God Bless~!)
(^_^)-<~~KAUSAR~~>-(^_^)
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2015
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Hello there~!
Oh! So this is about yourself? A biographical work is always of great interest to me. And I really liked reading your work as well. Sometime later I shall go and read this book from the beginning. It's very nicely-written.
JazakAllah Khair~!
(God Bless~!)
(^_^)-<~~KAUSAR~~>-(^_^)
Comment Written 10-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2015
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Thanks new friend. Appreciate you coming by. If you get o and read the rest you will get rewarded atm as the whole book is up for promotion.
Comment from Zue65
This is obviously a memoir of your life's journey, and while you enjoy writing about your biography, at the same time you are able to chronicle every stages and immortalize them in print. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2015
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This is obviously a memoir of your life's journey, and while you enjoy writing about your biography, at the same time you are able to chronicle every stages and immortalize them in print. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2015
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Thanks new frien. Not sure we met before. This has come through a lot of changes. I originally wrote it all as I thought of it then I reversed and moved stuff around to more sequentially reflect the times when these things all happened. Originally had school, Medical and Music and church all in their own sections but we are where we want to be now. Hope you will have a look at other chapters we are rewarding throughout the book for your efforts thanks.Cheers.
Comment from Cindy Warren
Yep, you have to watch out for loan sharks, no matter where you live. They're the same all over. Sounds like you had a wonderful trip. In the second last paragraph, did'nt should be didn't. You need to do some proof-reading for spacing errors. Other than dates, numbers should be spelled out. Best of luck with your book.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2015
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Yep, you have to watch out for loan sharks, no matter where you live. They're the same all over. Sounds like you had a wonderful trip. In the second last paragraph, did'nt should be didn't. You need to do some proof-reading for spacing errors. Other than dates, numbers should be spelled out. Best of luck with your book.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2015
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Thanks Cindy pleased you cam by. Can't believe how many edits we do and reviews we get and suggestions both the author and reviewer still miss stuff ha! Will work on tour spag finds.
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hi Geoff,
How lovely that you found the old postcard. Amazing how little things like that trigger a deluge of memories, isn't it?
Also amazing how God uses situations to tell us how he feels. It must have been tough, though, without a vehicle.
You've had quite and eventful life, my friend.
Hope you've had a good week.
Sonali
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2015
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Hi Geoff,
How lovely that you found the old postcard. Amazing how little things like that trigger a deluge of memories, isn't it?
Also amazing how God uses situations to tell us how he feels. It must have been tough, though, without a vehicle.
You've had quite and eventful life, my friend.
Hope you've had a good week.
Sonali
Comment Written 08-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2015
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Thanks Sis for coming along again. Yes not sure if I said in there as the car was burning that day God was speaking to me that He had allowed it.Hope you got rewarded. Seeing I know you have been there with me a looooong time. Someone has made some suggestions for some new spags so I will work on em and let you all know.
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Sankey:
This is a delightful read. I felt as though as I was right there
with you on your jobs; then went traveling with you on the
trains. I used to take the train between home and college -
but it was just a few hour trip. I've never taken an overnight
trip on a train but it is still on my bucket list.
Thanks so much for sharing
jan
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2015
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Sankey:
This is a delightful read. I felt as though as I was right there
with you on your jobs; then went traveling with you on the
trains. I used to take the train between home and college -
but it was just a few hour trip. I've never taken an overnight
trip on a train but it is still on my bucket list.
Thanks so much for sharing
jan
Comment Written 08-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2015
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Thanks Jan for coming by. I know some will wonder at me promoting my book yet again but I felt like the multitude of new Fans I have aquired on FS might like another trip there is rewards on all the chapters if you have not been there before. Love to know what your nick means (Member name?)
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Rdfrdmom2 means Radford mom also - my daughter went to Radford University
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Thanks for the heads up on the member name hope you will have a look at the other chapters if you get time.
Comment from mermaids
I am glad you were not in the car when it went on fire. This is an interesting part of your book,train trips, a part time job and getting out of debt. Your writing draws the reader into your story. It is also great that your wife found the old postcard.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2015
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I am glad you were not in the car when it went on fire. This is an interesting part of your book,train trips, a part time job and getting out of debt. Your writing draws the reader into your story. It is also great that your wife found the old postcard.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2015
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Hi new friend think I have seen your stuff or you have reviewed me before. Some might wonder at me promoting my entire book again but I felt like as you are too the new Fans might like to have a look through. Appreciate your thoughts and I was so pleased wifey found the post card it brought back a lot of other memories too. Hope you can look at the other chapters if you have not done so previously. Cheers.
Comment from michaelcahill
Hey! Looky here. One that I can get in on the carrot parade. Hahaha. Most of the promoted ones I've reviewed so I can't munch on any of the carrots! This one seems to be open though. I remember this story though. Really tightened up now though. They do try to get you coming and going don't they. Collect from the insurance and then try and squeeze you for a car that burned up! I've been reading the other chapters by and by. Everything is shaping up more and more and getting better and better. They say you end up redoing a book about ten times before it's ready. Maybe they're right!! mikey
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
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Hey! Looky here. One that I can get in on the carrot parade. Hahaha. Most of the promoted ones I've reviewed so I can't munch on any of the carrots! This one seems to be open though. I remember this story though. Really tightened up now though. They do try to get you coming and going don't they. Collect from the insurance and then try and squeeze you for a car that burned up! I've been reading the other chapters by and by. Everything is shaping up more and more and getting better and better. They say you end up redoing a book about ten times before it's ready. Maybe they're right!! mikey
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2014
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Oh horrors is that the truth. I mean here am at 14 months into a membership with FS and only now on my first serious revision of my book. But you have been there with me and I do so appreciate all your help. have had some others go on about the tangents but I always have it in the back of my mind that Tangent is not so bad ha! You will still find some new chapters that have been inserted or something. Like the Engagement was the Bliss Chapter split and I moved all the Medical stuff throughout the book as I think you might have encouraged me to do same with the music and the school and travels etc etc. Thanks for coming by ahgain mate. Wil put some more revisions up with carrots soon hope you can find some rewardable reviewing material amongst those I know there are some newies in there.
Comment from Sanku
This is the firstn time I am reading this work ,i fond it very free flowing and the subject very interesting .I like reading personal biography. Thanks for explaining 'spruiker'
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2014
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This is the firstn time I am reading this work ,i fond it very free flowing and the subject very interesting .I like reading personal biography. Thanks for explaining 'spruiker'
Comment Written 20-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2014
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Np worries thanks very much hope you will go back to the start as you see you are coming in about half way in my autobiography. There are lot of "carrots" for reviewing atm Thanks again.
