A Perfection's Worth
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Charcoal Forest "A dedication to unconditional love...
15 total reviews
Comment from samandlancelot
Greg,
The hardest thing for me in my relationship with my husband is when he beats himself up for his shortcomings and thinks I would be better off with someone else. When he does this, I believe in his heart he separates himself from me because he doesn't feel worthy. We do that with God, too.
It seems like you and he are alike in that way. Your wife loves you, and it has nothing to do with your performance as a man or husband; it is a gift from God. Believe that she loves you, rejoice in that truth, and thank God. Enjoy your life with her.
Her love for you is also a picture of the love God has for you. Although you are not perfect in your own eyes and in others' eyes, there are things your wife and your God love about who you are.
Patricia
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2013
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Greg,
The hardest thing for me in my relationship with my husband is when he beats himself up for his shortcomings and thinks I would be better off with someone else. When he does this, I believe in his heart he separates himself from me because he doesn't feel worthy. We do that with God, too.
It seems like you and he are alike in that way. Your wife loves you, and it has nothing to do with your performance as a man or husband; it is a gift from God. Believe that she loves you, rejoice in that truth, and thank God. Enjoy your life with her.
Her love for you is also a picture of the love God has for you. Although you are not perfect in your own eyes and in others' eyes, there are things your wife and your God love about who you are.
Patricia
Comment Written 04-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2013
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That made my get teary eyed. That is EXACTLY what I say to her, what I feel sometimes. She says she wishes I could step inside her mind and see how much she loves me. I think I was beaten down emotionally, told I wasn't good enough and ignored throughout my entire childhood until 17, that it has deeply and subconsciously made me hate myself, feel unworthy of anything good. I don't think I love Myself at all to be honest. And I think that's what hurts me the most deep down, hinders my happiness. I wrote this last night within about twenty minutes. It just came out fast. I suppose because I truly feel this way. The poems of love, unconditional love that I write are absolutely true, shes my angel, this poem was just how I felt about myself, my contribution to Her life. God sent her to Me as a blessing but why did He send me to Her... Thank you for your incredible insight, reading me perfectly, your relation and your compliments. I need to start to believe I'm good enough maybe...
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Greg,
It has taken me years to like myself, even as more people dislike me for my beliefs. My value is based on what God thinks, not what anyone else thinks. It's been a sixteen-year process, since I met God, but I truly like who I am now. It wasn't easy to get here, and it won't be for you, either.
It isn't about being good at anything, it is about believing the truth. God really likes you. He is the one who is good. I have every-day abilities that I never had before because God gave me the courage to try things. I'm no longer afraid to fail. I thought if God gave me something to do, He would give me success. But He wanted me to fail so I wouldn't afraid any more to fail. Now I can do so many things and I try so many things because I believe I cannot fail. Whatever God wants to accomplish on each path He sends me on is what will be accomplished. Whether it looks on the outside as success or failure, I know that if I do what God asks me to do, I have succeeded.
Patricia
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I really love this message.
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You are exactly right. Sometimes even on here I feel like I'm not good enough. I used to think I was good at poetry but then I just heard from someone who did get a seal of quality (in essence, so many words) that I myself wasn't good enough to get a seal of quality. Even though my essays were really the point of getting on here, it still made me feel bad. Like a failure. Mediocre at best. I see what you mean...
Comment from Ben Colder
We are built (created ) with a will to reach out to that which created us from sperm and egg. Our bodies are holding tanks for our spirit either channeled with hope or discouragement (Faith and disbelief). I am impressed with you change of writing. Well done.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2013
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We are built (created ) with a will to reach out to that which created us from sperm and egg. Our bodies are holding tanks for our spirit either channeled with hope or discouragement (Faith and disbelief). I am impressed with you change of writing. Well done.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2013
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Thank you so much! Yes this was different for me. I agree with you, faith for me.
Comment from IndianaIrish
I've read your poem several times, Greg, and with each read I felt closer to the emotions and emptiness of the words. The darkness of your poem starts with your title and goes on to the image of a man whose depression and illness seeps into a fragile lady who loves him despite the darkness and stays with her love because she loves him. I had the most difficult time with " bleed through our teeth" then in the last line "no apologies" I thought it might be they both bite their tongues to avoid saying the words they both need to hear. Yes?
I love poetry like this that make me think and feel the words. I may not get what the writer meant, but that's okay ... It inspired me to feel close to the words and the poem.
Excellent, Greg.
Smiles,
Karyn : )
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2013
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I've read your poem several times, Greg, and with each read I felt closer to the emotions and emptiness of the words. The darkness of your poem starts with your title and goes on to the image of a man whose depression and illness seeps into a fragile lady who loves him despite the darkness and stays with her love because she loves him. I had the most difficult time with " bleed through our teeth" then in the last line "no apologies" I thought it might be they both bite their tongues to avoid saying the words they both need to hear. Yes?
I love poetry like this that make me think and feel the words. I may not get what the writer meant, but that's okay ... It inspired me to feel close to the words and the poem.
Excellent, Greg.
Smiles,
Karyn : )
Comment Written 04-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2013
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You are exactly CORRECT. Very very insightful as always. Bite their tongues so they bleed. Glisten on my chin with comfort because I've lived my life this way, afraid to speak or ask for attention from my parents in my youth. Hers is disbelief, one because she can't believe I would be comforted and two, she had never felt anything like it before. No apologies meant that she didn't need to apologize for being distant, protecting herself, for asking more of me...I had the problem, not her. Great insight and perfect read. Thank you so much for getting it exactly right and thank you so so much for your review. You are the first person to get that reference. Sorry or being dark, I just write more now about what I am feeling, used to only write what a reader would Want to hear not necessarily honesty.
Comment from MoonMuse
I really love the imagery - especially in that first stanza. And you make it very clear she stays by choice. From what I get the man is hollowed out, but continues out of obligation. But there's still some hint of companionship, though it's so lost it leaves them awkward. I really like the story here. But one thing I can't figure out is if the poem is suppose to rhyme or not. It seems the poem is bit unsure as well. I'd like to rate this higher, but I really think you could improve this one to really give more impact.
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reply by the author on 04-Jun-2013
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I really love the imagery - especially in that first stanza. And you make it very clear she stays by choice. From what I get the man is hollowed out, but continues out of obligation. But there's still some hint of companionship, though it's so lost it leaves them awkward. I really like the story here. But one thing I can't figure out is if the poem is suppose to rhyme or not. It seems the poem is bit unsure as well. I'd like to rate this higher, but I really think you could improve this one to really give more impact.
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Comment Written 04-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2013
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It does rhyme in most parts, just subtly. It has great flow, it just has to be read correctly (which I can do with commas, etc. and then maybe you could reread it?. Free verse doesn't need to rhyme though either way. That was not my intent, simply just the flow. But thank you for the review I'm sorry it didn't speak to you. You are indeed very insightful though and got the message Perfectly.
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(laugh) So, it's free verse with a lot of rhyme? You do have some good rhymes, even some tandem rhyming in a line or two. I wasn't sure if it was supposed to be rhyming all the way through. Since, if that was the case it fell short. But I'll give you the five, since in all other aspects I think you did well.
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Is Free Verse not supposed to rhyme at all? I didn't know that to be honest. If so, I want to go through it. I prefer it All to rhyme, but subtly. Does that make sense? What is it called if they all just flow well, and rhyme internally. They aren't iambic, metrical, et. They aren't simple rhyming either though (cat, hat, etc.). Like "Within A Few Letters" that I wrote. You don't have to read by any means at all, but if you do, is that free verse?
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There's nothing wrong with having rhyme in free verse. To have a lot of end rhymes is a bit unusual I think. I've come across a few poems now where the author accidently left out lines or accidently messed up the format so that lines that were supposed to rhyme didn't and it seemed out of whack. That's all. With free verse the importance is the flow and imagery, so there usually isn't much emphasis on rhyming. I think you tend to see more internal rhymes with free verse. So, when I saw a lot of end rhymes I wasn't sure if something was amiss. That was all. By no means was I trying to imply the work was 'wrong' in any way. I thought it was really nice. I'd love to take a look at your other poem as well. For all I know this is just your style. Cheers!
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Hmmm now I Must go back and read it. I understand perfectly. I Do have an exact style, specific. I wrote that in twenty minutes at 2:00 am because I was feeling so guilty. And I was very very drunk.
I'm kidding, I don't really drink. Actually all of my poems take only take a small amount of time, though, if I have a message I'm trying to convey. I write literally as I'm thinking it so the flow is usually instinctual. If read the way I think it in my head it always flows but perhaps I could add more spaces, commas, etc to accomplish that for the reader.. I want to look now ;)
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(laugh) You write like I do! Oh, wait, you were kidding about being drunk... (wink) I do write the same though. When it happens it just seems to spill out at once. Viola! A poem is born. Have a wonderful night. Cheers!
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Haha you too! I used to drink a lot more, I think I'll start up again ;)
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(LOL) nice!
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Ahhh, I got it. There were two couples of lines. They Do fit with regards to iambic etc and subtly they Did rhyme but, the rest of the poem are strong rhymes. That's why they stuck out. They all rhymed strong except for the two subtle ones. Want to check I out now? I changed the wording about five or six lines. Same meaning though.
Comment from DBastian
INteresting, Gregory. Taking your last line ... the emptiness only existing in me - makes total sense. The world exists and goes on, much life is there ... but our own perspective taints our existence.
She stays shackled to nothing, remains without freedom
My chin glistens with comfort, hers...disbelief
These are the two lines you intertwine about her, so I assume you are amazed with her beauty ... her outlook in life ... probably helps you to realize that only you can solve your emptiness ... or pursue a life beyond emptiness. The contrast sometimes helps us get beyond who we are ... who we are at the time.
I liked this ... yes, I had to think through it ... but I certainly felt it.
Db
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reply by the author on 04-Jun-2013
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INteresting, Gregory. Taking your last line ... the emptiness only existing in me - makes total sense. The world exists and goes on, much life is there ... but our own perspective taints our existence.
She stays shackled to nothing, remains without freedom
My chin glistens with comfort, hers...disbelief
These are the two lines you intertwine about her, so I assume you are amazed with her beauty ... her outlook in life ... probably helps you to realize that only you can solve your emptiness ... or pursue a life beyond emptiness. The contrast sometimes helps us get beyond who we are ... who we are at the time.
I liked this ... yes, I had to think through it ... but I certainly felt it.
Db
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2013
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You're very insightful, thank you so much for taking such time with it? P
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Whoops, it clicked save. Haha. You are very insightful. Let me save this first
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Yes you are correct. Everything about emptiness, etc. when I said our chins glistened with blood through our teeth I meant we were both dancing and smiling but also biting our tongues about things, hence the blood. Then I was comfortable with it because I've had it my whole life. She's never fit anything like that. So in essence, my sickness, my pain poisons her, she is the crystal (beautiful) so you are right! I poison it though. She stays because she feels like she must, even though no one would blame her if she left (silk bars easy escape). But she stays.
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So its about a guy dragging a woman down that he loves, because of his sickness. But she stays and sacrifices her own happiness to be there for him. True loyalty, true love. Again THANK YOU for reading and being so insightful. It means a lot that you took time on it. Really...
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I know a little dark this time...next time it'll be uplifting!
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Yes ... that is what I feel through your words. I have felt that many a time ... gives me reason to gain strength and shake off those dark feelings ... shake them off, for her. And for God ... actually. I know He does not desire us to be empty.
Anyway, that is what I feel as I read your words. Again, great job!
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Thank you so much. God wants us to be happy, I know. So we must ask for His grace and to carry us through hard times, but when we regain our strength we work and live better in His name...
Thank you for your comments, they are an inspiration.
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Thanks Gregory ...
