Shooting Star
when you wish upon ...32 total reviews
Comment from Curt Mongold
Wow, The alliteration and metaphors used in this short work really bring the feeling to the fore for the reader. I just love that last line! One dripping with the other...just beautiful.
Best wishes,
Curt
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2013
Wow, The alliteration and metaphors used in this short work really bring the feeling to the fore for the reader. I just love that last line! One dripping with the other...just beautiful.
Best wishes,
Curt
Comment Written 28-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2013
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Thanks, Curt. So glad you enjoyed this 5-7-5, the alliteration and metaphors. I thought long and hard before that last line magically popped into my head.
Appreciate all your comments ... ;) Art
Comment from bossmyers
Nice job in such a short description. Good allteratives..wishes drip with dreams, a very good symbolic tone. Its tough to get a good poem in 5-7-5, but you did a great job!
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2013
Nice job in such a short description. Good allteratives..wishes drip with dreams, a very good symbolic tone. Its tough to get a good poem in 5-7-5, but you did a great job!
Comment Written 28-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2013
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Thanks, bossmyers. So glad you enjoyed this 5-7-5. Appreciate all your comments ... ;o) starkat
Comment from ravenblack
yay! someone else who understands that a haiku is more than just a sentence split into thirds. excellent visual - not talking about the photo, but the image the poem creates. wishes drip w/dreams - excellent closing line.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2013
yay! someone else who understands that a haiku is more than just a sentence split into thirds. excellent visual - not talking about the photo, but the image the poem creates. wishes drip w/dreams - excellent closing line.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2013
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hi ravenblack. thanks for the wonderful review - i thought long and hard before the third line magically popped into my head. so glad you enjoyed this 5-7-5 and the word choices. appreciate all your comments ... ;o) starkat
Comment from IndianaIrish
What a delightful 5-7-5 poem this is, starrykat. As a huge fan of the night sky, I loved your imagery of the shooting Star's reflection. Did you make a wish? My best wishes to you for your good luck in the contest.
Smiles,
DreamyIndy
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2013
What a delightful 5-7-5 poem this is, starrykat. As a huge fan of the night sky, I loved your imagery of the shooting Star's reflection. Did you make a wish? My best wishes to you for your good luck in the contest.
Smiles,
DreamyIndy
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2013
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Hello DreamyIndy - So glad you enjoyed this 5-7-5 poem and imagery of the shooting star's reflection. Yep - made a wish to get off the east coast and head home - ... wish granted, so I'll be home tomorrow. Appreciate your comments and good luck wishes. My favorite place to watch the stars is in Montana - big sky country. I do believe that wishes are carried to a higher realm and perhaps with a sprinkling of stardust, dreams really do come true ... ;o) starrykat
Comment from seewhatimwritingnow
This is very pretty! Both your lovely words and perfect presentation. Few lines here have painted a gorgeous picture in one's mind. Thank you for sharing this and wishing you the best of luck in the 5-7-5 contest! Betty
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
This is very pretty! Both your lovely words and perfect presentation. Few lines here have painted a gorgeous picture in one's mind. Thank you for sharing this and wishing you the best of luck in the 5-7-5 contest! Betty
Comment Written 26-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Thanks, Betty. So glad you enjoyed it. Appreciate your comments and good luck wishes ... ;o) Art
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
I love watching shooting stars. They're mesmerizing to me. I seen my first one at a drive in movie. Great job with this and I wouldn't change a thing
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
I love watching shooting stars. They're mesmerizing to me. I seen my first one at a drive in movie. Great job with this and I wouldn't change a thing
Comment Written 26-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Thanks, WIVA Red Bird. Yes, shooting stars are mesmerizing. Glad you enjoyed this 5-7-5 ... ;o)
Comment from Galactia
shooting star stretches
within clear lake's reflection
wishes drip with dreams
This is a perfect 5'7'5 poem.
perfect syllable countand structure and love the imageery of shooting stars.
We really lack the undeerstanding what they trully are.
One day we will know.
Great job
Regards
Tia
GL in the contest
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
shooting star stretches
within clear lake's reflection
wishes drip with dreams
This is a perfect 5'7'5 poem.
perfect syllable countand structure and love the imageery of shooting stars.
We really lack the undeerstanding what they trully are.
One day we will know.
Great job
Regards
Tia
GL in the contest
Comment Written 26-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Thanks for the wonderful review, Tia. So glad you enjoyed this 5-7-5. Appreciate all your comments. I'll think I'll Google 'shooting stars' for a better understanding of what they are, but I think the image we see is something that happened billions of years ago and the light is now just reaching us ... ;o)
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it's a meteroid that burns up when it reaches earth's atmosphere
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Yeah it's prety cool theory. we nicked named it the shooting star as it looks like a shinny starmoving very qyickly, but our science today still don't actually know what it is, so until we do,we're sticking with (shooting star)
Regards
Tia
GL
Comment from Julia.
Hi starkat: I like what you've done in the first two lines here--although you might consider moving "clear" to after "lake" since it almost has to modify "reflection" rather than "lake"--but I think you've missed an opportunity in the last line. You've moved from concrete imagery into using abstractions that don't really tell the reader anything more about the scene or the narrator's specific POV. I think the poem would be stronger if the last line were more concrete and relatable. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
Hi starkat: I like what you've done in the first two lines here--although you might consider moving "clear" to after "lake" since it almost has to modify "reflection" rather than "lake"--but I think you've missed an opportunity in the last line. You've moved from concrete imagery into using abstractions that don't really tell the reader anything more about the scene or the narrator's specific POV. I think the poem would be stronger if the last line were more concrete and relatable. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 26-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Appreciate all your thoughts and suggestions on this 5-7-5. Will take another look ... ;o)
Comment from October21
Hello there!
i enjoyed this
Associating dreams with stars is very honest and beautiful
I loved your simple words
Your imagery is strong and wonderful of this very hopeful element
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
Hello there!
i enjoyed this
Associating dreams with stars is very honest and beautiful
I loved your simple words
Your imagery is strong and wonderful of this very hopeful element
Comment Written 26-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Thanks, October 21. So glad you enjoyed this 5-7-5. Appreciate all your comments ... ;o)
Comment from MaggieB50
Beautiful word choice paint an awesome and emotional visual, flows beautifully. You have a gift of expressing so much with so few words. Continued writing success to you. Maggie
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
Beautiful word choice paint an awesome and emotional visual, flows beautifully. You have a gift of expressing so much with so few words. Continued writing success to you. Maggie
Comment Written 26-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Thanks, Maggie. So glad you enjoyed this 5-7-5 and the word choices. Appreciate your comments ... ;o) Art