Comment from lSuSanne

Good

"...As darkness trembles inwards,
Ebbing from black to white,
Momentarily reflecting
My love and fear..."

I hesitate, since I'm still quite novice, to suggest what minor adjustments
you may want to do for your poem except perhaps in this line

"...Remember this satisfied darkness-...",

might suggest an 'a' instead of 'this' but that might not feel right
for you and really like the trembling contradiction of the above verse.

SuSanne

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2005

Comment from Stragglin' Scott

Excellent

Nice flow, nice use of the word sweat, and a lovely image. The only thing that I'd really change is the double use of the word 'Sultry'...sure it's a good word but twice in such a short poem. Peace out. The Phishman

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2005

Comment from Elizabeth Clark

Excellent

I have not read any of your other work yet, but this is very lovely, sultry and hot silky and soft, repition to make the flow work well. Mary

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2005

Comment from Scissor handz

Excellent

This was a nice poem in its simplicity. I think it reads better the second time somehow....hmmm....perhaps easier to hold onto the images.

Thanks for a great read.

Scissor

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2005

Comment from shelley kaye

Excellent

very sensual and romantic
understandable
relatable (for some lol)
nice choice of words with much emotion
an okay flow and rhythm

thanx for sharing :)

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2005

Comment from Bryana

Excellent

With a little editing your poem could be excellent. I can't see "with fragrant sweat" Sweat is not a good word, not romantic at all. I can't imagine fragrant sweat specially in a poem. I like the poem very much. Maybe other people like the fragrance of sweat. I can't smell very well any way.

I'm not taking any stars away as I like the poem very much.

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2005

Comment from FreyaKC

Excellent

Very vivid description.
Honeyed desire, sultry and hot,
Flushes skin silky and soft
With fragrant sweat
Heavy with memories of loving,
Tantalizing in its harmony,
Promising a perfect end.

I enjoyed this poem. In that I teach sexuality. Sweat to many can be a sweet smell... nice use of words and imagery.

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2005

Comment from WritePoeticSorceress

Excellent

This is a beautiful sensual poem! The imagery is wonderful and the flow is perfect. I look forward to reading more of your work. Keep Writing!

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 Comment Written 16-Mar-2005

Comment from ParanormalPen

Average

I liked the Poem.

It was the use of sweat that turned it sour. Sweat isn't sweet. Why so many use ths word in works?

Flowed very well.

Overall good.

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2005

Comment from Zenbud

Good

I believe this to be a thoughtful and lyrical rendering of what we all dream of. It is adult in nature but not so that it would offend. I found it to be lovely and thoughtful. The reuse of 'sultry' made my mind skip but I don't find fault . . .

Thank you for sharing
Zen

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2005