Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 73 "part two, Chapter 22"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
78 total reviews
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Barbara ....
Now that you story has ended, I will miss reading chapter after chapter as they arrived. This one is generally well written and there are just a few small changes to recommend ...
* You have - You can leave if you want, but I'm staying ... I suggest - if you want to ....
* You have - God fearing people ... I suggest -
God-fearing people ....
* You have - to say blessing again ... I suggest - to say the blessing again ....
* You have - in the name of Jesus Christ, your son ... I suggest - in the Name of Jesus Christ, Your Son ...
(the capital letters are used as a mark of respect.)
Thank you for sharing this story with us.
Love from .... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2012
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Hullo Barbara ....
Now that you story has ended, I will miss reading chapter after chapter as they arrived. This one is generally well written and there are just a few small changes to recommend ...
* You have - You can leave if you want, but I'm staying ... I suggest - if you want to ....
* You have - God fearing people ... I suggest -
God-fearing people ....
* You have - to say blessing again ... I suggest - to say the blessing again ....
* You have - in the name of Jesus Christ, your son ... I suggest - in the Name of Jesus Christ, Your Son ...
(the capital letters are used as a mark of respect.)
Thank you for sharing this story with us.
Love from .... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2012
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Thank you for your eagle eye. I have made the changes.
Comment from nora arjuna
Hi, Barb, congrats on finishing another story. And I see you already have a new one in line. To be constantly inspired is so nice.
Check some suggestions:
"Abner!" Louise [raised her voice and] set down her fork. - those in brackets aren't needed as it's already denoted by the exclamation mark.
"Sir, I resent the implications." Troy glared at Anna's father. - I thought it'd be appropriate to place the speech later:
Troy glared at Anna's father. "Sir, I resent the implications."
"I haven't heard either of you deny it." [Abner set down his fork]. - try a different act, [similar to Louise's] or add the word 'too'.
"I've never been talked to like this." - not clear who's saying this.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2012
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Hi, Barb, congrats on finishing another story. And I see you already have a new one in line. To be constantly inspired is so nice.
Check some suggestions:
"Abner!" Louise [raised her voice and] set down her fork. - those in brackets aren't needed as it's already denoted by the exclamation mark.
"Sir, I resent the implications." Troy glared at Anna's father. - I thought it'd be appropriate to place the speech later:
Troy glared at Anna's father. "Sir, I resent the implications."
"I haven't heard either of you deny it." [Abner set down his fork]. - try a different act, [similar to Louise's] or add the word 'too'.
"I've never been talked to like this." - not clear who's saying this.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2012
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Thank you for your eagle eye. I have made the changes.
Comment from kiwisteveh
Congratulations on getting to the end (and with such a satisfying conclusion!)
I have enjoyed reading this, although I have had minor criticisms at time.
Best of luck with the new project.
Steve
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2012
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Congratulations on getting to the end (and with such a satisfying conclusion!)
I have enjoyed reading this, although I have had minor criticisms at time.
Best of luck with the new project.
Steve
Comment Written 11-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from bob cullen
What does one say to such a professional writer. Your characters are superb, your dialogue is precise and you always have a story that reads as credible.
Your ability to build tension between characters serves as a lesson to other writers.
Good luck with Savannah Love
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2012
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What does one say to such a professional writer. Your characters are superb, your dialogue is precise and you always have a story that reads as credible.
Your ability to build tension between characters serves as a lesson to other writers.
Good luck with Savannah Love
Comment Written 10-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2012
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Savannah love is a new stretch for me. We'll see if I can pull it off. Thank you for the kind review and encouraging words.
Comment from abbasjoy
I love the fact that Anna finally stood up to her father. He is so "holier than thou" and judgmental, when Troy and Anna's relationship was nothing but above board.
I am also glad that her father came to recognize the truth about his treatment of Anna which pushed her towards Bobby.
The conversation flows extremely well between all the characters and it's great that Anna didn't want to just rush into a relationship with Troy, but wants to take the time to heal not just physically but emotionally as well.
Great chapter!
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2012
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I love the fact that Anna finally stood up to her father. He is so "holier than thou" and judgmental, when Troy and Anna's relationship was nothing but above board.
I am also glad that her father came to recognize the truth about his treatment of Anna which pushed her towards Bobby.
The conversation flows extremely well between all the characters and it's great that Anna didn't want to just rush into a relationship with Troy, but wants to take the time to heal not just physically but emotionally as well.
Great chapter!
Comment Written 10-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and support.
Comment from vfbryant
I think you did a great job with the scene at the table. It was very realistic dialogue and action. I really didn't think Abner could change his perspective, and was surprised when he did. His coming back to the table and saying grace again showed him to be a more multifaceted character than I expected. Good job.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2012
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I think you did a great job with the scene at the table. It was very realistic dialogue and action. I really didn't think Abner could change his perspective, and was surprised when he did. His coming back to the table and saying grace again showed him to be a more multifaceted character than I expected. Good job.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from RazberryBullet
Finally!--A few moments passed before Abner stood and put his arms around his daughter. "You'll always be my little girl. I've made mistakes too. We'll work this out." "I love you, Daddy." "I love you too."
A happy ending all around :)
Well done!
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2012
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Finally!--A few moments passed before Abner stood and put his arms around his daughter. "You'll always be my little girl. I've made mistakes too. We'll work this out." "I love you, Daddy." "I love you too."
A happy ending all around :)
Well done!
Comment Written 10-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from whispersofthesoul
hiya,
what a wonderful end to the story, you have led the reader on suctionh a chaotic journey this is such a fitting end for anna. you have also left yourself an opportunity to carry on this hard work with a totaly different direction
well done xxx
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2012
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hiya,
what a wonderful end to the story, you have led the reader on suctionh a chaotic journey this is such a fitting end for anna. you have also left yourself an opportunity to carry on this hard work with a totaly different direction
well done xxx
Comment Written 10-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Gooloom
Yes i have been reading off and on many of your chapters and have found them interesting and absorbing too. Good you have given your book a happy ending and united the family again. Inthese days it is surprising that there are still people who are judgemental and behave like they only know what is wrong or right. Good that your heroine stood up to her dad and started to live life on her terms. Well written and you are good really good. Gooloom
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2012
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Yes i have been reading off and on many of your chapters and have found them interesting and absorbing too. Good you have given your book a happy ending and united the family again. Inthese days it is surprising that there are still people who are judgemental and behave like they only know what is wrong or right. Good that your heroine stood up to her dad and started to live life on her terms. Well written and you are good really good. Gooloom
Comment Written 10-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
What a lovely ending, Barbara...
altho I was on edge over Abner's
accusations, but all ended well...
under one roof and (at)one table
Christ, your son.(Amen.)"
about both and [an] Aunt Margaret
This six is for all your chapters.
Margaret
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2012
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What a lovely ending, Barbara...
altho I was on edge over Abner's
accusations, but all ended well...
under one roof and (at)one table
Christ, your son.(Amen.)"
about both and [an] Aunt Margaret
This six is for all your chapters.
Margaret
Comment Written 10-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2012
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Thank you for your eagle eye and the kind review.
