Martha
contest for Lady in Black15 total reviews
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Jerri. How have you been? I love your story and I wish you the best of luck in the contest. I love your imagery throughout. Example:
"The theater is now starting to show its age, but it still has lots of character. I love the long red velvet curtains that hang elegantly from the stage front. If you look really close, you can see many fine stitches that have been hand sewn along the seams. They've kept those beautiful curtains from fraying due to many opening and closing nights. Dark oak wood is the main decor of the small but enchanting theater."
I also liked your subtle transition near the end of the story. You never said she actually died in a crash, but rather put her in the seats of the theatre to end it.
I do have a couple of suggestions, if I may:
"Aggie had retired from the theater world" (In order to eliminate some passive sentences...go thru your story and eliminate all the "had and was" entries. For instance in this sample you could have just said: "Angie retired from the theatre world")
Also, I don't think you ran out of "word count" so I would include some sort of dialogue in the story. Just make something up...a conversation between you and Martha of some sort....it will help move the story and add life to it overall.
Good job formsure though, Jerri. Bravo! Bob
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2012
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Hi, Jerri. How have you been? I love your story and I wish you the best of luck in the contest. I love your imagery throughout. Example:
"The theater is now starting to show its age, but it still has lots of character. I love the long red velvet curtains that hang elegantly from the stage front. If you look really close, you can see many fine stitches that have been hand sewn along the seams. They've kept those beautiful curtains from fraying due to many opening and closing nights. Dark oak wood is the main decor of the small but enchanting theater."
I also liked your subtle transition near the end of the story. You never said she actually died in a crash, but rather put her in the seats of the theatre to end it.
I do have a couple of suggestions, if I may:
"Aggie had retired from the theater world" (In order to eliminate some passive sentences...go thru your story and eliminate all the "had and was" entries. For instance in this sample you could have just said: "Angie retired from the theatre world")
Also, I don't think you ran out of "word count" so I would include some sort of dialogue in the story. Just make something up...a conversation between you and Martha of some sort....it will help move the story and add life to it overall.
Good job formsure though, Jerri. Bravo! Bob
Comment Written 29-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2012
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Bob, thank you so much for your critique. I really appreciate it and all your comments and review. Jerri
Comment from WilliamDeen
Your "Cool Chicks Wear Black" Story, Martha, is wonderful. Martha lived life to the fullest and I am sure she died with no regrets. Your story is well written with good characters and a wonderful plot.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2012
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Your "Cool Chicks Wear Black" Story, Martha, is wonderful. Martha lived life to the fullest and I am sure she died with no regrets. Your story is well written with good characters and a wonderful plot.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2012
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William, thank you for your wonderful comments and review.
Comment from Fluffyhead
Like both the theatre and airplane plots its adds dimension to your work. The last paragraph esp about her blowing a kiss for good luck almost brought a tear to my eyes.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2012
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Like both the theatre and airplane plots its adds dimension to your work. The last paragraph esp about her blowing a kiss for good luck almost brought a tear to my eyes.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2012
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Fluffyhead, thank you so much for this wonderful review and the great 6 stars. It is so appreciated.
Comment from TammyGail
I really enjoyed where you went your story
it was really interesting and well expressed
throughout ...strong opening and closing
best of luck in the contest....
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2012
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I really enjoyed where you went your story
it was really interesting and well expressed
throughout ...strong opening and closing
best of luck in the contest....
Comment Written 29-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2012
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Tammy, I appreciate your comments, review and thanks for the best wishes.
Comment from micci
That is a sad story, it was very well written and it was enjoyable for your reader to read even though it had such a sad ending but then again not all story end happily.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2012
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That is a sad story, it was very well written and it was enjoyable for your reader to read even though it had such a sad ending but then again not all story end happily.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2012
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Micci, thank you for your wonderful comments and review.
