Poetry, Dreams In Motion.
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Watchers"A collection of poetry.
24 total reviews
Comment from EmileJP
This poem is well thought out and rhymes well. The reader can relate to the message sent The poem is structured well and flows ok. The author uses good imagery and maintains a poetic flow through the whole piece. This poem is well written and presents an original viewpoint. This poem is "whimsical & magical " in its content and its delivery.
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This poem is well thought out and rhymes well. The reader can relate to the message sent The poem is structured well and flows ok. The author uses good imagery and maintains a poetic flow through the whole piece. This poem is well written and presents an original viewpoint. This poem is "whimsical & magical " in its content and its delivery.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2005
Comment from A. Cody
Your use of words is wonderful. You expressed yourself very well in these lines, and got the point across. I liked the stage you set from the very beginning and carried it throuought. Keep up your great works, and good luck with your writing.
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Your use of words is wonderful. You expressed yourself very well in these lines, and got the point across. I liked the stage you set from the very beginning and carried it throuought. Keep up your great works, and good luck with your writing.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2005
Comment from Balladeer
That had a real good flow to it! I loved the rhyming and the natural feel to the earthly message... Can the stars watch forever yet close their eyes?... Peace
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That had a real good flow to it! I loved the rhyming and the natural feel to the earthly message... Can the stars watch forever yet close their eyes?... Peace
Comment Written 26-Feb-2005
Comment from Nescher Pyscher
They'd cheat the cunning tempters(tempter's?) art
The murderers(murderer's?) heart, the cheaters(cheater's?) smile
A beauty. Sad, but in a gently funny sort of way. I like your explanation for 'twinkle, twinkle'. :0)
Off to read more.
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They'd cheat the cunning tempters(tempter's?) art
The murderers(murderer's?) heart, the cheaters(cheater's?) smile
A beauty. Sad, but in a gently funny sort of way. I like your explanation for 'twinkle, twinkle'. :0)
Off to read more.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2005
Comment from luvsux66
This was so unique! and very lyrical really I can't say enough about how well this read! your rhymes were absolutley magnificent and your imagery was superb and you told a story, so many poems I read beautifully describe NOTHING, -LUV
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This was so unique! and very lyrical really I can't say enough about how well this read! your rhymes were absolutley magnificent and your imagery was superb and you told a story, so many poems I read beautifully describe NOTHING, -LUV
Comment Written 25-Feb-2005
Comment from HalW
This reminds me of a the style of a folk-tale - the sort of thing you could imagine people telling around a village campfire.
There seemed to be a couple of inconsistencies in the myth-making. The flowers and stars make it their duty to watch forever to keep human's conscience pricked, yet later on the stars are trying to shut their eyes. Or maybe its saying that humankind has become worse and so now the burden of witness is too great.
In the third line from the end, should the O be followed by an apostrophe? Surely its an exclamation rather than a contraction.
The ending seemed a bit weak - I think you could have built up the story a bit more - parallel to the flowers turning white from shame, the twinkling is tears of sadness (or something of that ilk).
Another couple of ideas that occurred to me were around linking crimes and guilty secrets to cloudy nights and the dark of woods where they would not be seen.
Nice 'folk tale' - thank you.
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This reminds me of a the style of a folk-tale - the sort of thing you could imagine people telling around a village campfire.
There seemed to be a couple of inconsistencies in the myth-making. The flowers and stars make it their duty to watch forever to keep human's conscience pricked, yet later on the stars are trying to shut their eyes. Or maybe its saying that humankind has become worse and so now the burden of witness is too great.
In the third line from the end, should the O be followed by an apostrophe? Surely its an exclamation rather than a contraction.
The ending seemed a bit weak - I think you could have built up the story a bit more - parallel to the flowers turning white from shame, the twinkling is tears of sadness (or something of that ilk).
Another couple of ideas that occurred to me were around linking crimes and guilty secrets to cloudy nights and the dark of woods where they would not be seen.
Nice 'folk tale' - thank you.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2005
Comment from Jewell McChesney
WOW!
This is masterly done and a fun read.
What a mind you have for nature and all
the earth has to say.
I love this.
I think it is the first I've read of yours, but I
will be sure to look for more!
So wonderfully entertaining this one is!
Jewell
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WOW!
This is masterly done and a fun read.
What a mind you have for nature and all
the earth has to say.
I love this.
I think it is the first I've read of yours, but I
will be sure to look for more!
So wonderfully entertaining this one is!
Jewell
Comment Written 25-Feb-2005
Comment from StormyGale
As always you have nailed the GREAT MESSAGE I have much respect for your faith and for your talent. Keep it up!
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As always you have nailed the GREAT MESSAGE I have much respect for your faith and for your talent. Keep it up!
Comment Written 25-Feb-2005
Comment from Crimson Steel
A very interesting poem here. Something quite different in what I have read before but I enjoyed it alot. I like the last part where the murders, cheaters, lovers are all the stars in the sky. Even though it is a negative part, I enjoyed it though. Good job on this one.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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A very interesting poem here. Something quite different in what I have read before but I enjoyed it alot. I like the last part where the murders, cheaters, lovers are all the stars in the sky. Even though it is a negative part, I enjoyed it though. Good job on this one.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2005
Comment from lilith_flower
Your poem was almost mysterious to me as I read it. It had a melancholy yet very real lilt to it, which I liked. I could picture lost lovers relating to this poem.
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Your poem was almost mysterious to me as I read it. It had a melancholy yet very real lilt to it, which I liked. I could picture lost lovers relating to this poem.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2005
