Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Part 4 Chapter 5"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
78 total reviews
Comment from Nanashirley
Another good chapter. I like the way you are building slowly with bits of information to build up the tension. I hope Anne can be found by them only.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2011
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Another good chapter. I like the way you are building slowly with bits of information to build up the tension. I hope Anne can be found by them only.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from volcomfury
This is another well written, and visual chapter in a fantastic series. This chapter may be my favorite. Thanks for sharing it.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
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This is another well written, and visual chapter in a fantastic series. This chapter may be my favorite. Thanks for sharing it.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
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Thank you for your kind review and encouraging words.
Comment from amahra
Sorry I missed a few chapters, but still I seem to remember what's going on here. Your writing is so descriptive and the dialogue is very realistic. Great writing as always.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
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Sorry I missed a few chapters, but still I seem to remember what's going on here. Your writing is so descriptive and the dialogue is very realistic. Great writing as always.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from dmjones
Hi Barbara, A good chapter.
Suggestion - I didn't really find anything wrong however I was confused by the following. The first paragraph I get but the second two are right behind it and they are unclear who is speaking. I think it's Troy but because it is 3 paragraphs it makes unclear. Also may not want two paragraphs in a roll to start with 'he'.
Troy grinned. "A civil engineer who specializes in structural damage."
He left with more dishes and returned. "I sent an engineering team to Stonewall County to inspect that railroad bridge over the Brazos River. I haven't seen their report, yet."
He hesitated. "I may have to make the trip myself. If I do leave, it'll only be for a day or two. I hate not knowing what's going on with Anna."
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
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Hi Barbara, A good chapter.
Suggestion - I didn't really find anything wrong however I was confused by the following. The first paragraph I get but the second two are right behind it and they are unclear who is speaking. I think it's Troy but because it is 3 paragraphs it makes unclear. Also may not want two paragraphs in a roll to start with 'he'.
Troy grinned. "A civil engineer who specializes in structural damage."
He left with more dishes and returned. "I sent an engineering team to Stonewall County to inspect that railroad bridge over the Brazos River. I haven't seen their report, yet."
He hesitated. "I may have to make the trip myself. If I do leave, it'll only be for a day or two. I hate not knowing what's going on with Anna."
Comment Written 23-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
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Thank you for catching that. I will change it. I appreciate your review and support.
Comment from Helen Tan
This hiding works two ways - the abuser can't find her but the people who are genuinely concerned for her, can't reach her either. It's a trapped form of freedom.
This thing about staying with an abusive man, I've seen it first hand and know how crippling the control and fear can be. Though I've not had contact with my mum since I was 7, I know she married her lover who still beats her. 40 over years and she's still with the brute! I'm glad I'm out of that Hell.
It has to have been twelve years.
This sounds awkward, maybe -It must have been twelve years. / It must be at least twelve years.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
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This hiding works two ways - the abuser can't find her but the people who are genuinely concerned for her, can't reach her either. It's a trapped form of freedom.
This thing about staying with an abusive man, I've seen it first hand and know how crippling the control and fear can be. Though I've not had contact with my mum since I was 7, I know she married her lover who still beats her. 40 over years and she's still with the brute! I'm glad I'm out of that Hell.
It has to have been twelve years.
This sounds awkward, maybe -It must have been twelve years. / It must be at least twelve years.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
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I stuggled with that line myself. Thank you for the help. I appreciate your review and words of wisdom.
Comment from cjvaughn
Dear Barbara,
I'm new to your story, but I found it very well written and easy to understand with your notes and prologue. Smooth writing and vivid characters help push this chapter along. Thank you so much for putting all the information out for abuse, it is so important. Unless you have been in the situation yourself, it is so hard to understand why people stay. I'm thankful that you have devoted your time to advocate to this worthy cause.
I could find no spag, or other editorial issues. Nice pacing good descriptions. Good luck with your writing, CJ
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
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Dear Barbara,
I'm new to your story, but I found it very well written and easy to understand with your notes and prologue. Smooth writing and vivid characters help push this chapter along. Thank you so much for putting all the information out for abuse, it is so important. Unless you have been in the situation yourself, it is so hard to understand why people stay. I'm thankful that you have devoted your time to advocate to this worthy cause.
I could find no spag, or other editorial issues. Nice pacing good descriptions. Good luck with your writing, CJ
Comment Written 23-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Karen Stram
This is the first chapter I've read so I was happy for the author's note which puts things into perspective. The writing is tight and the chapter moves. Some of the dialogue is a bit stilted. The characters seem a bit formal in their conversations. But the chapter makes it easy for the reader to get into the story and want more.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
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This is the first chapter I've read so I was happy for the author's note which puts things into perspective. The writing is tight and the chapter moves. Some of the dialogue is a bit stilted. The characters seem a bit formal in their conversations. But the chapter makes it easy for the reader to get into the story and want more.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from mumsyone
This is another good followup chapter as the story moves right along.
Betty, once again, you out did (outdid) yourself.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
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This is another good followup chapter as the story moves right along.
Betty, once again, you out did (outdid) yourself.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from rawahymis
Another interesting chapter, Barbara. You paint a beautiful family picture here: love, understanding, communication, and cooperation. Perfect harmony in a chaotic world.
Excellent characterization and setting.
The breakfast scene is particularly crisp and pleasant.
Cheers and keep up the good work trying to help the lonely and the abused.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
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Another interesting chapter, Barbara. You paint a beautiful family picture here: love, understanding, communication, and cooperation. Perfect harmony in a chaotic world.
Excellent characterization and setting.
The breakfast scene is particularly crisp and pleasant.
Cheers and keep up the good work trying to help the lonely and the abused.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from RebelRose
Another interesting chapter. I hope they are able to find her from what little they have to go on. Very well written with good dialogue.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
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Another interesting chapter. I hope they are able to find her from what little they have to go on. Very well written with good dialogue.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
