Redemption
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Explosion"One Man's Return From Hell
39 total reviews
Comment from Max Edon
I have not read the previous chapters, but I found this to be very interesting and exciting. Having a list of characters is very helpful.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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I have not read the previous chapters, but I found this to be very interesting and exciting. Having a list of characters is very helpful.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Thanks Max! If you ever have a couple of minutes, chapters 1 and 2 could give you good insight. 1 in an introduction, and 2 is one long back-story. Regards, Bill
Comment from Rama Rao
An excellent chapter which moved the story forward at a rapid pace. The scene at the warehouse was well described. My interest in the story is growing.
However, may I suggest a few minor corrections?
The other car pulled up in a perfectly executed arrival-I think there is nothing like a perfectly executed arrival' Justin time or in a cinematic fashion would be better.
He looked to have a slight head cut and was bleeding- seemed in place of looked?
There is no such thing as a totally predictable situation. -There is no tailor made situation or there is no text book situation.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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An excellent chapter which moved the story forward at a rapid pace. The scene at the warehouse was well described. My interest in the story is growing.
However, may I suggest a few minor corrections?
The other car pulled up in a perfectly executed arrival-I think there is nothing like a perfectly executed arrival' Justin time or in a cinematic fashion would be better.
He looked to have a slight head cut and was bleeding- seemed in place of looked?
There is no such thing as a totally predictable situation. -There is no tailor made situation or there is no text book situation.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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I appreciate you reading and taking the time for making suggestions. I will certainly revisit those segments. Regards, Bill
Comment from fictionwriter
I love it when the rookie does something wonderful like this. It makes for a great bit of emotion knowing that they're the hero in the scene. Great job.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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I love it when the rookie does something wonderful like this. It makes for a great bit of emotion knowing that they're the hero in the scene. Great job.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Thank you for reading and the great feedback. Regards, Bil
Comment from Nic42
Good interesting characters here and the story moves quickly. Enjoyed the last bit especially when Terry pulls him out of the explosion. Good attention to detail. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2010
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Good interesting characters here and the story moves quickly. Enjoyed the last bit especially when Terry pulls him out of the explosion. Good attention to detail. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2010
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Thanks Nic - I appreciate you reading this post and for your support. Warm regards, Bill
Comment from Sally Carter
Another exciting chapter, Bill, though as I confessed before, I have got in a muddle over the drugs side of things. But then, this is a woman who struggles with a road map, so it's no big deal.
There are a few places where I think you could make the story even more exciting by using more active verbs. For instance, when they are breaking into the building you say that Stan "pushed" the door open and bounded into the room. I was kind of imagining he might do something a bit more forceful than pushing it, perhaps kicking or smashing or flinging - you get the idea. Not that it isn't full of action already, but perhaps still room for more.
In the second para, I believe it should be that he coughed for "effect".
4th para, there is a slight typo on "Lael".
Your book is building up well, Bill. Can't believe you are already on chapter 10. It's going fast!
Best wishes
Sally
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2010
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Another exciting chapter, Bill, though as I confessed before, I have got in a muddle over the drugs side of things. But then, this is a woman who struggles with a road map, so it's no big deal.
There are a few places where I think you could make the story even more exciting by using more active verbs. For instance, when they are breaking into the building you say that Stan "pushed" the door open and bounded into the room. I was kind of imagining he might do something a bit more forceful than pushing it, perhaps kicking or smashing or flinging - you get the idea. Not that it isn't full of action already, but perhaps still room for more.
In the second para, I believe it should be that he coughed for "effect".
4th para, there is a slight typo on "Lael".
Your book is building up well, Bill. Can't believe you are already on chapter 10. It's going fast!
Best wishes
Sally
Comment Written 19-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2010
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Hi Sally - look back across the internet. More than a smile, I'm blowing you a kiss! I very much appreciate your help and support. I'll take a look at all those areas. Warm regards, Bill
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What a pleasure it is to review the work of such a nice person. I'll check cyberspace... S
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I have to tell you, that after reading one of the "blue" posts today, I started to say that because he was still thinking about looking at Nikki's butt, he shoved the door in, based on some leading anatomy, but nawww ... just not me. I do appreciate your support Sally!
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I have to tell you, that after reading one of the "blue" posts today, I started to say that because he was still thinking about looking at Nikki's butt, he shoved the door in, based on some leading anatomy, but nawww ... just not me. I do appreciate your support Sally!
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Haha.. well, a change of style, by the sound of it. S
Comment from Soledadpaz
'Terry beamed' should be outside the quotation marks, no?
That was a great last line. Nice progression to the story. You are giving more insight into the characters and what makes them tick. It makes the story more engaging.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2010
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'Terry beamed' should be outside the quotation marks, no?
That was a great last line. Nice progression to the story. You are giving more insight into the characters and what makes them tick. It makes the story more engaging.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2010
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You are totally right. Thanks for your support of this story and your willingness to help. Very warm regards, Bill
Comment from missy98writer
Bill,
chapter ten of Redemption is action packed and extremely well written. There is never a dull moment in your writing. I really like Dax, he's a no nonsense man and a straight shooter. I really enjoy his sarcastically dry humor in this statement: "In any event, he was released from the DEA, and I'm pretty sure he didn't get the gold watch." Terry and Stan are lucky they didn't blow up because of the trip wire. Scott rushes around to find Stan on top of Terry. You did an excellent job on chapter ten. I look forward to your next chapter. Have a great day.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2010
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Bill,
chapter ten of Redemption is action packed and extremely well written. There is never a dull moment in your writing. I really like Dax, he's a no nonsense man and a straight shooter. I really enjoy his sarcastically dry humor in this statement: "In any event, he was released from the DEA, and I'm pretty sure he didn't get the gold watch." Terry and Stan are lucky they didn't blow up because of the trip wire. Scott rushes around to find Stan on top of Terry. You did an excellent job on chapter ten. I look forward to your next chapter. Have a great day.
Melissa.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2010
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Thanks Melissa - you always say the kindest things. I very much appreciate your ongoing support of this story! Warm regards, Bill
Comment from anabelle
OMG! They almost blew themselves and the whole lab up. Crazy! What do these people think they're doing cooking up dangerous stuff like that. Don't they consider what the product will do to those they sell it to?
Good read. Thanks.
Regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2010
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OMG! They almost blew themselves and the whole lab up. Crazy! What do these people think they're doing cooking up dangerous stuff like that. Don't they consider what the product will do to those they sell it to?
Good read. Thanks.
Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 19-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2010
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Hi Anabelle - I'm getting some help from a person who was once additcted, so am hopefully going to bring in some of the tragic consequences of meth. I VERY much appreciate your support of this story. Hugs - Bill
Comment from patmedium
ONE HUNDRED PER CENT ... I have really enjoyed this section, Bill. Thank you so very much. This is a really strong action story. Wonderful read. Pat.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2010
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ONE HUNDRED PER CENT ... I have really enjoyed this section, Bill. Thank you so very much. This is a really strong action story. Wonderful read. Pat.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2010
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Thanks Pat - I very much appreciate your support of the story! Regards, Bill
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My pleasure.
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
bhogg:
so, there is something to be said for things
learned in school, after all -- I would think
a team made up of experience and freshly-schooled
officers would provide the best of both worlds
thanks for sharing
I am enjoying this novel
love,
jan
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2010
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bhogg:
so, there is something to be said for things
learned in school, after all -- I would think
a team made up of experience and freshly-schooled
officers would provide the best of both worlds
thanks for sharing
I am enjoying this novel
love,
jan
Comment Written 19-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2010
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Thanks Jan - you say such kind things! I've never been a policeman, but the mix you allude too probably wouldn't hurt any work environment! Regards, Bill
