Transformation
a poem written in alexandrines37 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am truly impressed at this poem. I thought it was beautiful and deserves a 6, but I have none left. I am not a poet, so my vote probably doesn't mean much, but I thought it flowed smoothly and the words fit together perfectly.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2010
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I am truly impressed at this poem. I thought it was beautiful and deserves a 6, but I have none left. I am not a poet, so my vote probably doesn't mean much, but I thought it flowed smoothly and the words fit together perfectly.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2010
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Tomorrow you can raise the rating to six if you want. It's actually very easy to change the review or rating of a work at any time. I do it often on Sunday when I receive my allotment of four six stars reviews. Of course, each time I do that, I lose a six star rating for the week beginning on said Sunday.
Go to My Menu in the upper left hand corner of the screen. Scroll down to My Feedback and from the drop-down menu, select Reviews I Wrote. All the reviews you have written will come up, and you scroll down to the one you want to change. Click on Edit Review in the lower RIGHT hand screen of the review; you then can change the wording of the review or the rating.
Of course, I am not asking you to revise the review or the rating; I am just explaining how it can be done after the factâ??it's helped me correct many a mistake.
Comment from WRITER1
I can see that this was not an easy piece to write. To me it seems very complicated. The poem itself was not easy to write falling out of grace is always a disaster.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2010
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I can see that this was not an easy piece to write. To me it seems very complicated. The poem itself was not easy to write falling out of grace is always a disaster.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2010
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Yes, but at least for me, the finished product was well worth it. Thanks for a good review.
Comment from winsome
Even though you state in the author notes that this was difficult to write, I am sure you are quite pleased with the results, I found it read smoothly.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2010
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Even though you state in the author notes that this was difficult to write, I am sure you are quite pleased with the results, I found it read smoothly.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2010
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Thank you; you are very kind. My best works are the ones I find most difficult to write.
Comment from anabelle
This is an absolutely beautiful and heart-wrenching poem. My stomach still feels unsettled after finishing it. The way you describe the descent: 'abandoned', 'catastrophe', 'depraved', 'locked' and 'slain', is devastating. Here, it's all over. You hang on the cross (is there a bigger image for suffering?), 'in a black hole', 'scraped' and 'raped'.
Then, you're climbing and your 'faith burned'. You've made it out of hell in one piece and the reader feels relieved. The final kick is having to go back. That hurts so bad.
This is such a good piece, I couldn't give it less than a six.
Kind regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2010
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This is an absolutely beautiful and heart-wrenching poem. My stomach still feels unsettled after finishing it. The way you describe the descent: 'abandoned', 'catastrophe', 'depraved', 'locked' and 'slain', is devastating. Here, it's all over. You hang on the cross (is there a bigger image for suffering?), 'in a black hole', 'scraped' and 'raped'.
Then, you're climbing and your 'faith burned'. You've made it out of hell in one piece and the reader feels relieved. The final kick is having to go back. That hurts so bad.
This is such a good piece, I couldn't give it less than a six.
Kind regards, anabelle
Comment Written 26-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2010
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Thank you for such a kind review and such a good understanding of the flow of the poem. I truly appreciate it.
Comment from Katiesherrill
Wow you have put so much work into this. They rhyming is wonderful. The flow is so natural and the story is clear. This had to be a challenge. The title conveys so perfectly what the reader will experience. I love the fourth stanza and seeing the turning point take place. I love this message. Great job.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2010
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Wow you have put so much work into this. They rhyming is wonderful. The flow is so natural and the story is clear. This had to be a challenge. The title conveys so perfectly what the reader will experience. I love the fourth stanza and seeing the turning point take place. I love this message. Great job.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2010
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Thanks for a great review. I truly appreciate it; you have a good understanding what I wanted to convey.
Comment from adewpearl
I have never attempted this form, Al, but you certainly make it sound intriguing by your excellent execution. I really like the cadence and internal rhymes. I don't know how I missed reviewing this when first posted, but I'm so glad I found it this time. Your story that progresses from loss of faith and despair to renewal of faith is quite compelling. Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2010
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I have never attempted this form, Al, but you certainly make it sound intriguing by your excellent execution. I really like the cadence and internal rhymes. I don't know how I missed reviewing this when first posted, but I'm so glad I found it this time. Your story that progresses from loss of faith and despair to renewal of faith is quite compelling. Brooke :-)
Comment Written 26-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2010
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Thanks for a great review; as you can imagine, this was not easy to write. Thanks also for understanding the flow of the poem.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
This is again, remarkable Alvin --
and is most impressive how you've
kept the flow to the words, rhythm
and rhyme so well throughout such a
long piece...
But deed and eternity - not so sure about that.
Good luck with the contest - a great contender, my friend.
Margaret.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2010
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This is again, remarkable Alvin --
and is most impressive how you've
kept the flow to the words, rhythm
and rhyme so well throughout such a
long piece...
But deed and eternity - not so sure about that.
Good luck with the contest - a great contender, my friend.
Margaret.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2010
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For clarification, I don't particularly like proximate rhymes, but it was the only rhyme that worked here. Both deed and eternity have the same ending rhyme sound (a long "e"), but different ending consonantal sounds-one has none, and the the other has "d." Thanks for a great review; I truly appreciate it.
Comment from AmorGentil
"Reliance had returned; inside me my faith burned.
A lesson I had learned; for God I did now yearn.
His kindness was extreme; I now knew Jacob's dream--
A ladder was the theme; I climbed on every beam;
To heaven I arose; I passed the Virgin's rose.
With radiance she glowed; I felt calm and composed."
Such beautiful verses
Great message, great poem.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2010
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"Reliance had returned; inside me my faith burned.
A lesson I had learned; for God I did now yearn.
His kindness was extreme; I now knew Jacob's dream--
A ladder was the theme; I climbed on every beam;
To heaven I arose; I passed the Virgin's rose.
With radiance she glowed; I felt calm and composed."
Such beautiful verses
Great message, great poem.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2010
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Thanks for a great review; I truly appreciate it.
Comment from rogerpolly
Amazing and enjoyable reading. I can't even imagine the difficulty in writing these stanzas and making them fit within the critera required by the style. Thank you for the explanation of the alexandrines. There's so much many of us are learning through your fine work.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2010
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Amazing and enjoyable reading. I can't even imagine the difficulty in writing these stanzas and making them fit within the critera required by the style. Thank you for the explanation of the alexandrines. There's so much many of us are learning through your fine work.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2010
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That's very kind of you to say. Thank you so much. I actually believe free verse is harder to write than formal poetry because in free verse, one has to impose a structure on the poem, whereas in formal poetry the structure is already given.
Comment from Changeisgood
Alvin, I'm glad this is a "it's never too late" poem because it was very dark, but that makes for greater light if such is the case, and it was.
I gave you a six because you not only rhymed the ends but the middle of the lines. I have never tried such a tight rhyme scheme and am not sure if I coud do it. The rhymes don't stick out as unnaturally fitted, but are every day words that carry a message adequately.
Do you rhyme twice the penultimate line in last stanza? That one is not as clarified as the rest, but goodness, I just want to know and not criticizing it.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2010
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Alvin, I'm glad this is a "it's never too late" poem because it was very dark, but that makes for greater light if such is the case, and it was.
I gave you a six because you not only rhymed the ends but the middle of the lines. I have never tried such a tight rhyme scheme and am not sure if I coud do it. The rhymes don't stick out as unnaturally fitted, but are every day words that carry a message adequately.
Do you rhyme twice the penultimate line in last stanza? That one is not as clarified as the rest, but goodness, I just want to know and not criticizing it.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2010
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I am not sure what line to which you refer. Would you be so kind as to send me the content of that line? I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks for an exceptional review.
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Hi Alvin, It was the next to last line: "I will show charity in thought and word and deed." I think I see the slant rhyme now. It's between chariTY....DEED." So, you fulfilled all the rhymes and it's a magnificent poem. Changeisgood.
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Thank you; I thought that was the line to which you were referring, but I wasn't sure. Yes, it is a proximate rhyme in which the ending vowel sounds rhyme, but the ending consonantal sounds do not.
