Chasing the Elusive Dream
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Battling the Baby Blues"A southern couple's journey in the 60's,70's & 80'
46 total reviews
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Ho, Ho, Holarious! Smashing angels, toppling aquariums, pouring molasses, snacking on thumbtacks, munching toadstools ... it's a miracle they survived. Brilliant piece.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2021
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Ho, Ho, Holarious! Smashing angels, toppling aquariums, pouring molasses, snacking on thumbtacks, munching toadstools ... it's a miracle they survived. Brilliant piece.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2021
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Thank you so much. You get my attempt at humor, Some don't One guy wrote a page of all he thought should be changed, but didn't mention finding it even mildly amusing. He joined in November so I'll let it ride.
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Men don't get it. Lancellot didn't find humor in a piece I wrote referencing pregnancy woes.
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I read the review--clueless as to your intent. Points due him for being earnest and meticulous--new members take their task to heart--imagine how much effort they spend analyzing and responding. Notwithstanding his off-the-mark comments, his praise of your writing is commensurate with a six-star rating.
Comment from Ben Colder
Yes, I well do I know how this relates to my Mary and self. Two boys 18 months a girl 9 months later We had six and the washing ran day and night. I strung clotheslines as well. Yep, those were no paper diapers. LOL. People today have no clue what you and my Mary went through. LOL. but looking back, they were good days
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2021
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Yes, I well do I know how this relates to my Mary and self. Two boys 18 months a girl 9 months later We had six and the washing ran day and night. I strung clotheslines as well. Yep, those were no paper diapers. LOL. People today have no clue what you and my Mary went through. LOL. but looking back, they were good days
Comment Written 22-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2021
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I so glad you got some chuckles from this. I was trying to tell it in a way that made people laugh. They were the good old day but the terrible two can make you want to pull your hair out. On rainy days, I had to dry diapers over a floor furnace, a few at a time. You do what you have to do.
Beth
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We did too. And yes, these young mothers have no idea.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Beth,
You did a great job telling of all the things that happened with your twins. I could see everything you mentioned, and thank goodness they weren't worse for the wear, though you were at times. I understand the need to return to work. You phrased it well, besides it' a personal decision. So no one should add their two cents. Your twins ere busy and inquisitive. The flour and molasses o the sofa was awful, as was the poor fish thrown out of their home. My mother had a new baby, a 1 year old, a 2 year old, and a 3 year old to deal with at home--she didn't work outside the home after the first baby.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2021
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Beth,
You did a great job telling of all the things that happened with your twins. I could see everything you mentioned, and thank goodness they weren't worse for the wear, though you were at times. I understand the need to return to work. You phrased it well, besides it' a personal decision. So no one should add their two cents. Your twins ere busy and inquisitive. The flour and molasses o the sofa was awful, as was the poor fish thrown out of their home. My mother had a new baby, a 1 year old, a 2 year old, and a 3 year old to deal with at home--she didn't work outside the home after the first baby.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 22-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2021
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Thank you, Jan. I was thought I answered this but it didn't clear so I'll do it again. When i wrote this I was attempting to write all the thing that go with having twin in a humorous way. Some of it wasn't funny at the time, but I can laugh about it now. I might sound like I wasn't thrilled with the situation, but they wee a lot of fun too. I really appreciate the six stars.
Beth
Comment from lyenochka
I enjoyed the humor you put in this. I loved your "flying a white flag" comment! And oh, I remember the aquarium disaster from the other book! I'm amazed that you survived and remained sane!!
A drier was a luxury (dryer)
became unbearable, (period not comma)
she needs, therapy (no comma)
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2021
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I enjoyed the humor you put in this. I loved your "flying a white flag" comment! And oh, I remember the aquarium disaster from the other book! I'm amazed that you survived and remained sane!!
A drier was a luxury (dryer)
became unbearable, (period not comma)
she needs, therapy (no comma)
Comment Written 22-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2021
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Thank you for the great review. I'm glad you realized when I wrote this I was aiming for humor. Not everyone seems to get that.
Beth
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By the way, I wonder if your Facebook account is hacked. It keeps telling me that you want your friends to play a game but I don't play Facebook games.
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Yes, but I have no idea how to fix it. I keep changing my password but that doesn't work. I very seldom get on Facebook. I'll like to post wedding pictures on there, but I'm friends with the ex-girlfriend, and I hate the idea of hurting her. They dated for years.
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Oh that sounds hard! I know some of my friends have created new Facebook IDs and asked people to connect with the new ID. How about just one pic to share here? It's all up to you!
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I sent a picture to your facebook page. Let me know if you get or don't. I can send of her and her father if you would like.
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Oh, I thought you'd message me so that only I would see it. But now I hope you don't mind my friends all saw it. I think however, if you are worried about the ex seeing it, she can still see what you post on someone else's wall. So you might want to delete it. Just FYI. Loved the picture!!
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Oh, I thought you'd message me so that only I would see it. But now I hope you don't mind my friends all saw it. I think however, if you are worried about the ex seeing it, she can still see what you post on someone else's wall. So you might want to delete it. Just FYI. Loved the picture!!
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I'm not concerned about your friends. I just didn't want to Regina to see it but Don put on the computer that he got married so I guess she knows now.
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Ah, yes, she probably knows. I hope she has moved on and that the hurts have healed.
Thanks for the lovely picture! 💖
Comment from prettybluebirds
You sure had your hands full. As I read this it makes me wonder what my mother went through with 12 children, some quite close together. In the beginning, all she had was a washboard and tub to wash all those diapers in. Her first child was born in the twenties and the last one in the early fifties. She cooked on a wood stove and there was no indoor plumbing. I was born in 1946 and we never did have an indoor restroom. I don't think women today could handle what you and my mother went through.
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2021
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You sure had your hands full. As I read this it makes me wonder what my mother went through with 12 children, some quite close together. In the beginning, all she had was a washboard and tub to wash all those diapers in. Her first child was born in the twenties and the last one in the early fifties. She cooked on a wood stove and there was no indoor plumbing. I was born in 1946 and we never did have an indoor restroom. I don't think women today could handle what you and my mother went through.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2021
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Thank you so much for the review. I too grew up without indoor plumbing and electricity for a while. Mom washed with rubboard and and wash pot with fire under it in the backyard. She came from a family with thirteen. We took those days for granted because it was we were used to. I wouldn't want to go back.
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Me either.
Comment from R R McIntyre
This is a beautifully written, intimate glimpse into your life that feels almost stolen from the pages of a diary, which is both a good and a bad thing, I think. It's good because the tone of voice is very real, and visceral, and you've done a wonderful job of capturing the reluctant optimism of a young mother struggling to juggle the many demands of parenthood.
Where this falls down slightly in my opinion is the diary-esque stream of consciousness narration. There's little sense of narrative progression, which is understandable in non-fiction, of course, but the reader still needs a sense of tension or intrigue to draw their interest. We start with the birth of twins, which has me hooked. This must be such a struggle! But the next two paragraphs launch into details about diapers. One paragraph might have been enough to capture the struggle there, but two feels like it isn't adding much to the tension of the story you're telling us.
The reader wants to learn more. Why is your story worth telling? What's different about raising twins? We're eager to hear about something that went wrong, or something that went right, or an interesting moment. Focus on something in particular that gives us a slightly deeper insight into your family dynamic.
As an example, you touch on one of the babies getting a lump on their head, but it's glossed over as a small incident. Were there any lessons learned? Any changes made? Non-fiction can still have drama, and mystery, and can still make us want to know more about the characters within it.
Your writing itself is fantastically crisp, with no grammatical errors (other than a stray comma in the wrong place). The only thing I noticed is the length of your sentences doesn't vary very much. When sentences are all the same length, it creates a bit of a monotonous drone when it's ready. Use really short sentences, followed by really long ones, followed by lots of small sentences together. You've clearly got string control of the English language, so why not make it sing? Vary the sentence length to create music. It's just as important as the words themselves.
All in all, a really lovely piece that has fantastic writing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2021
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This is a beautifully written, intimate glimpse into your life that feels almost stolen from the pages of a diary, which is both a good and a bad thing, I think. It's good because the tone of voice is very real, and visceral, and you've done a wonderful job of capturing the reluctant optimism of a young mother struggling to juggle the many demands of parenthood.
Where this falls down slightly in my opinion is the diary-esque stream of consciousness narration. There's little sense of narrative progression, which is understandable in non-fiction, of course, but the reader still needs a sense of tension or intrigue to draw their interest. We start with the birth of twins, which has me hooked. This must be such a struggle! But the next two paragraphs launch into details about diapers. One paragraph might have been enough to capture the struggle there, but two feels like it isn't adding much to the tension of the story you're telling us.
The reader wants to learn more. Why is your story worth telling? What's different about raising twins? We're eager to hear about something that went wrong, or something that went right, or an interesting moment. Focus on something in particular that gives us a slightly deeper insight into your family dynamic.
As an example, you touch on one of the babies getting a lump on their head, but it's glossed over as a small incident. Were there any lessons learned? Any changes made? Non-fiction can still have drama, and mystery, and can still make us want to know more about the characters within it.
Your writing itself is fantastically crisp, with no grammatical errors (other than a stray comma in the wrong place). The only thing I noticed is the length of your sentences doesn't vary very much. When sentences are all the same length, it creates a bit of a monotonous drone when it's ready. Use really short sentences, followed by really long ones, followed by lots of small sentences together. You've clearly got string control of the English language, so why not make it sing? Vary the sentence length to create music. It's just as important as the words themselves.
All in all, a really lovely piece that has fantastic writing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2021
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Thank you for the in depth review. Apparently you didn't get what I was aiming for. This piece wasn't designed to be informative or to teach lessons. It was meant to be funny, and make you laugh. I wrote it years ago, when I was copying the style of writers like Erma Bombeck. It wasn't a serious piece. The long sentences seemed to be what attracted me to this kind of writing. It isn't my usual style.
Beth
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Ah, right! No, I'm afraid I didn't quite get that impression, but I think I can see what you're going for. I think the opening language set the expectation of something a bit more intense. You were 'imprisoned' and 'overwhelmed' and the white flag image, while certainly humorous, can also be read as a very real desire to give in to exhaustion.
I don't mean lessons learned in the educational sense, more along the lines of what did you learn about being a mother? How did the experience shape your life? Those kinds of lessons. Character development more than 'morale of the story' kind of lessons. You even touch on it briefly when you talk about being pleased to discover the twins can entertain themselves :)
The long sentences do feel very much like an intentional, stylistic choice, and it reads really well! I just think some variation can help keep the reader engaged. All in all, a really fun, wholesome, pleasant read!
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Beth, you've told the story of the disasters quite convincingly...:) I was a working mother and I don't regret it either... So how did you cope? Maybe I'll read your next post to answer my curiosity.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Hi, Beth, you've told the story of the disasters quite convincingly...:) I was a working mother and I don't regret it either... So how did you cope? Maybe I'll read your next post to answer my curiosity.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2013
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Thank you Belinda. I'm pleased you are continuing to read my story. I don't think working mother's children really suffer from neglect. I think I was able to enjoy them more by not being with them all the time. I hope you keep reading.
Beth
Comment from humpwhistle
Beth, I'm sorry I so far behind. Your posts are coming fast and furious--and I'm a slow reader.
I like this piece, and I think it fits pretty well
with your more recent posts. This one includes more
humor, but that's not a bad thing (of course, I'd say that).
My mother worked, too, Beth, and look how I turned out!
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2013
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Beth, I'm sorry I so far behind. Your posts are coming fast and furious--and I'm a slow reader.
I like this piece, and I think it fits pretty well
with your more recent posts. This one includes more
humor, but that's not a bad thing (of course, I'd say that).
My mother worked, too, Beth, and look how I turned out!
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 16-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2013
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Hi Lee, No problem about getting behind. I can't read them when they come fast either. I'm glad you liked the humor here. Thanks for the encouraging (?) news about what to expect of the kids of working mothers. LOL Just kidding.
Beth
Comment from Samuel Dickens
On the photo--Oh boy, I'm sure daddy appreciated their "fixing" the air cleaner. (I remember one of mine "fixing" my record player) I'll bet that you, like me, were pretty familiar with the safety pin even before you used them to hold diapers on. (Temporary button, etc) It's a lot of work being a mother, but there's also great honor, so I believe.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2013
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On the photo--Oh boy, I'm sure daddy appreciated their "fixing" the air cleaner. (I remember one of mine "fixing" my record player) I'll bet that you, like me, were pretty familiar with the safety pin even before you used them to hold diapers on. (Temporary button, etc) It's a lot of work being a mother, but there's also great honor, so I believe.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2013
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Thank you Samuel. Yes, they attempted to fix many things at that age. It was a challenge. I appreciate the review and comments.
Beth
Comment from rtobaygo
Though we didn't have twins, the glass bottles, diaper pins and cloth diapers were an integral part of raising our children. The interaction between siblings was reminiscent of our early years as parents. As always, a great trip down memory lane!
Take care,
Ray
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2013
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Though we didn't have twins, the glass bottles, diaper pins and cloth diapers were an integral part of raising our children. The interaction between siblings was reminiscent of our early years as parents. As always, a great trip down memory lane!
Take care,
Ray
Comment Written 15-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2013
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Thank you Ray. I'm so pleased that you are continuing to read and that you are able relate is an added bonus. I appreciate your comments.
Beth
