Silent Voices
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Meddling Brook"Verses of personification
22 total reviews
Comment from June Sargent
I get the sense of a brook spreading a bit of gossip that causes a rift. Maneuvering around behind the scenes. Great imagery and a fine entry to your book of silent voices
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2024
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I get the sense of a brook spreading a bit of gossip that causes a rift. Maneuvering around behind the scenes. Great imagery and a fine entry to your book of silent voices
Comment Written 04-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2024
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Thank you so much, June! Xo
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is an extremely interesting lune poem. The reader can sense the brook as the physical heart of the moon's crescent. The imagery is very satisfying. kay
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2024
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This is an extremely interesting lune poem. The reader can sense the brook as the physical heart of the moon's crescent. The imagery is very satisfying. kay
Comment Written 04-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2024
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Thank you so much, kay! Xo
Comment from lyenochka
This is so clever. You take the phrase of "babbling brook" and it not only personifies the brook but with the last line, it shows how some people "babble" and divide the country with their conspiracies. Good idea to use this for the Lune contest and still add to your Napowrimo!
Best wishes in both!
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2024
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This is so clever. You take the phrase of "babbling brook" and it not only personifies the brook but with the last line, it shows how some people "babble" and divide the country with their conspiracies. Good idea to use this for the Lune contest and still add to your Napowrimo!
Best wishes in both!
Comment Written 04-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2024
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:) Thank you, Helen! That means so much!
Comment from Bill Schott
This 5-3-5, Meddling Brook, has the proper formatting and uses the "coming between" variation of the 'middle' word to imply that the brook separates to pieces of land, or simply keeps two ideas apart, metaphorically.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2024
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This 5-3-5, Meddling Brook, has the proper formatting and uses the "coming between" variation of the 'middle' word to imply that the brook separates to pieces of land, or simply keeps two ideas apart, metaphorically.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2024
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Thank you, Bill Xo
Comment from Gloria ....
Very nicely written, Jessica. A river, or stream makes for an apt metaphor particularly in combination with personification.
My only suggestion is that one of the characteristics of a lune poem, is that it mirrors the shape of a crescent moon. I am not certain how stringent the committee is on this point though, so just something to consider.
Wishing you all the best with the Contest Committee with this accomplished write.
Gloria
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2024
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Very nicely written, Jessica. A river, or stream makes for an apt metaphor particularly in combination with personification.
My only suggestion is that one of the characteristics of a lune poem, is that it mirrors the shape of a crescent moon. I am not certain how stringent the committee is on this point though, so just something to consider.
Wishing you all the best with the Contest Committee with this accomplished write.
Gloria
Comment Written 04-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2024
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I'm honored by your review, Gloria, and I truly appreciate your suggestion- I had no idea!
Thank you so much.
Xoxo
Jess
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
You do these so well, Jess! Your river themes are always a joy to read and this one 'flows' with lovely atmospheric imagery and alliteration, making it a perfect entry for the lune poem contest. Well done and good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2024
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You do these so well, Jess! Your river themes are always a joy to read and this one 'flows' with lovely atmospheric imagery and alliteration, making it a perfect entry for the lune poem contest. Well done and good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 04-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2024
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Thank you so much, dear Debbie!!
Xo
Comment from John Ciarmello
Beautiful, Jess. Snaking through the divides, and although the other side may not be reachable, you can see what may be in store.
Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2024
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Beautiful, Jess. Snaking through the divides, and although the other side may not be reachable, you can see what may be in store.
Best, JohnC
Comment Written 04-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2024
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Thank you, John! Xo
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this Lune poem contest entry with us. You accurately described this babbling brook and only used on a few words. I enjoyed reading and want to wish you luck with the contesr.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2024
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Thank you for sharing this Lune poem contest entry with us. You accurately described this babbling brook and only used on a few words. I enjoyed reading and want to wish you luck with the contesr.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2024
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Thank you, Barbara! Xo
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
These brooks certainly do add more interest to the landscape and I enjoyed your fine descriptions for the Lune contest Jessica, nature is so wonderful, love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2024
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These brooks certainly do add more interest to the landscape and I enjoyed your fine descriptions for the Lune contest Jessica, nature is so wonderful, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 04-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2024
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Thanks so much, Dolly! Xo
Comment from Mark Jackson
Poetically I like it I like the image of a river snaking (although it has been used before). I like the babbling brook (reminds me of Tennyson's the Brook) The final line is a Volta looking at the situation form different eyes. Geographically there are issues as I feel you are describing a glacial valley which takes the direction of least resistance as opposed to a rift valley which are famously straight. I really do like it though, I am only joking about the geography bit.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2024
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Poetically I like it I like the image of a river snaking (although it has been used before). I like the babbling brook (reminds me of Tennyson's the Brook) The final line is a Volta looking at the situation form different eyes. Geographically there are issues as I feel you are describing a glacial valley which takes the direction of least resistance as opposed to a rift valley which are famously straight. I really do like it though, I am only joking about the geography bit.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2024
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lol, Thanks, Mark! I appreciate your kind words and geographically informed review!
Xo
Jessica
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Thanks, I liked it.
