Return To Concorde Valley
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "The Garden of Phoebus"Fantasy based on the intersection of two worlds.
19 total reviews
Comment from Mike Stevens
Another fine chapter, Rhonda-----if I didn't know better, I might think Echo is on an acid trip.
I like and agree with your assertion that most wars fought in the name of religion have nothing to do with religious conviction. They are about politics
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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Another fine chapter, Rhonda-----if I didn't know better, I might think Echo is on an acid trip.
I like and agree with your assertion that most wars fought in the name of religion have nothing to do with religious conviction. They are about politics
Comment Written 22-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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Precisely my point!! They have to have someone besides themselves to blame, so they blame God, or whoever they are currently following!
Comment from prettybluebirds
I'm happy to read more of this fascinating story today. This chapter is even better than the previous ones. I enjoyed it immensely. I look forward to the continuance of your story. I wish it was finished, and a book, so I could just keep reading until the end.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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I'm happy to read more of this fascinating story today. This chapter is even better than the previous ones. I enjoyed it immensely. I look forward to the continuance of your story. I wish it was finished, and a book, so I could just keep reading until the end.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024
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Awww, thank you for your kind words and review!! I'm glad the chapter came off well. It was one of the ones I struggled with as I wanted it to be meaningful, and to give an idea of the gardens they have in the valley.
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
It is your story and you can do as you please but greek gods did not think there a power greater than them. Neither did the Norse ones. Just so you know.
You can write monkees have plaid fur and sing show tunes if you want. But I bet some will fuss. But not me. you are a Queen. Karen
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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It is your story and you can do as you please but greek gods did not think there a power greater than them. Neither did the Norse ones. Just so you know.
You can write monkees have plaid fur and sing show tunes if you want. But I bet some will fuss. But not me. you are a Queen. Karen
Comment Written 21-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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Thank you, and I?m sure you?re right. They were an arrogant bunch!
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You have made quite the world and I am all caught up now. Thank you for the bumps, it more than made up for no points for the stories. Thank you. :-) Karen
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You?re welcome, thank you as well!
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Have a good week, and thanks again for the boost! Karen
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Sure, and thanks for the boost you give me for reviewing old posts that have no money on them.
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Yep, I am an saint! Ha! you wrote a good story, it was not work, silly beans. I thank you for the boost. Karen
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You're so precious!
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Yesiree bob, they are going to canonize me any day. I am so gosh darn wonderful. I have my days. So do you sweetie.
Comment from lyenochka
I enjoyed your imagination here. My favorite part was how you displayed Echo's different styles of speech/writing to describe the fragrances.
I do appreciate your giving the Greek mythological figures a subservient position to God and Jesus. My reason for bringing it up is that JK Rowling and others have received harsh attacks by for Evangelical Christians. And you are in the South where they are doing a lot of book banning. Just a thought but you didn't have to change anything for me.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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I enjoyed your imagination here. My favorite part was how you displayed Echo's different styles of speech/writing to describe the fragrances.
I do appreciate your giving the Greek mythological figures a subservient position to God and Jesus. My reason for bringing it up is that JK Rowling and others have received harsh attacks by for Evangelical Christians. And you are in the South where they are doing a lot of book banning. Just a thought but you didn't have to change anything for me.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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Thank you for the six stars, and sorry if I made it sound like I was changing it for you. You inspired me to clarify it. I'll go back and change that. It was meant to thank you for pointing it out. I felt good about making it more obvious.
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from Debi Pick Marquette
Dearest Rhonda, I can't remark about a lot of your chapter, coming in at such a late hour. I was going to wait,, and still may wait for the next one. But had a need to return a review for you.
I can tell you that I like how you mixed some of your Ancient Greek mythology and some knowledge of Christianity in there too. I didn't realize that this one of the pictures I had given you until I say my name, and how lovely of you to do that.
I know I will totally love everything you write as I will watch for your between posts until you start a new story. You are so good though. And congrats on being ranked number one right now. Awesome Job, dear friend.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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Dearest Rhonda, I can't remark about a lot of your chapter, coming in at such a late hour. I was going to wait,, and still may wait for the next one. But had a need to return a review for you.
I can tell you that I like how you mixed some of your Ancient Greek mythology and some knowledge of Christianity in there too. I didn't realize that this one of the pictures I had given you until I say my name, and how lovely of you to do that.
I know I will totally love everything you write as I will watch for your between posts until you start a new story. You are so good though. And congrats on being ranked number one right now. Awesome Job, dear friend.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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Hi Debi!! Thanks so much for reviewing my chapter, and especially this one as I added in the Christian element to it.
I have used your pictures on the last three of my chapters. I always get really good comments about them, so thank you for that as well.
You're a sweetheart,
Love you,
Rhonda
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This chapter is like a dream sequence in which the reader is initially immersed into a wonderful 'Garden of Eden' before this excellently expressed dialogue takes place between Echo and Theo. It's a work of some skill to reconcile the Greek Gods with Christianity but this is done compellingly, uniting the two worlds through the crucifixion of Jesus. Sadly, however, this is no paradise in Theo's world any more than it is in Echo's. Peace has to be protected and fought for. A mesmerising write taking the reader through a portal into another world and blurring the distinction between the mythological and reality. Well done, Rhonda! Debbie
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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This chapter is like a dream sequence in which the reader is initially immersed into a wonderful 'Garden of Eden' before this excellently expressed dialogue takes place between Echo and Theo. It's a work of some skill to reconcile the Greek Gods with Christianity but this is done compellingly, uniting the two worlds through the crucifixion of Jesus. Sadly, however, this is no paradise in Theo's world any more than it is in Echo's. Peace has to be protected and fought for. A mesmerising write taking the reader through a portal into another world and blurring the distinction between the mythological and reality. Well done, Rhonda! Debbie
Comment Written 21-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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Wow, Debbie that is an excellent review, my friend! Not just the 6 stars, which I totally appreciate, but in the actual analysis of the chapter.
Thank you for your comments on the Christianity part, because it's hard to put things out there that people can make controversial. Still, it was completely necessary.
Thank you so much!!
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from Faith Williams
Hello, Rhonda, I hope you are well. I've missed a few chapters and will need to catch up. I love this other-worldly garden! Gardening is one of my passions so this part, especially the idea of gardens having healing powers, resonates with me.
Suggestions to consider:
'Echo took a deep breath and held it, letting the fragrance permeate her mouth and nose.' You repeat those first few words several times in this chapter. Maybe switch out one to 'Echo inhaled deeply'.
'Slowly she (let it out).' Maybe switch to 'released it'.
'You just have to know which ones, and (were) to plant them.' No comma needed here, and I believe you mean 'where'.
"You've told me you come from a race of immortals the world calls gods, but you've chosen to call guardians. Quotation marks are needed at the end of this sentence.
'For some, it comes from innate evil, a perverse desire to kill and (conquor).' I believe it's 'conquer'.
General suggestion: The verb 'look' is used several times in this chapter. Maybe switch a few to stronger verbs. Many things can be said with a look: gazed, observed, inspected, studied, scrutinized, examined.
That was an interesting conversation regarding the Greek and Roman gods and Jesus. I eagerly await the next chapter.
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reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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Hello, Rhonda, I hope you are well. I've missed a few chapters and will need to catch up. I love this other-worldly garden! Gardening is one of my passions so this part, especially the idea of gardens having healing powers, resonates with me.
Suggestions to consider:
'Echo took a deep breath and held it, letting the fragrance permeate her mouth and nose.' You repeat those first few words several times in this chapter. Maybe switch out one to 'Echo inhaled deeply'.
'Slowly she (let it out).' Maybe switch to 'released it'.
'You just have to know which ones, and (were) to plant them.' No comma needed here, and I believe you mean 'where'.
"You've told me you come from a race of immortals the world calls gods, but you've chosen to call guardians. Quotation marks are needed at the end of this sentence.
'For some, it comes from innate evil, a perverse desire to kill and (conquor).' I believe it's 'conquer'.
General suggestion: The verb 'look' is used several times in this chapter. Maybe switch a few to stronger verbs. Many things can be said with a look: gazed, observed, inspected, studied, scrutinized, examined.
That was an interesting conversation regarding the Greek and Roman gods and Jesus. I eagerly await the next chapter.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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Faith!!! You're back!!! Thank you so much for the review. I always look forward to the way you're able to find ways to improve the chapter, and they are supportive and helpful.
I made the changes you suggested, and them some more to go for the stronger verbs. I usually pay closer attention to them, but often fall in to old patterns.
Thank you again,
Rhonda
Comment from Sally Law
Rhonda dear, I just loved this chapter! The flowers, the mention of Jesus and the cross, and the fight between good and evil. Concorde Valley is much like our world just structured a little differently. I do love the kiss. I can say I felt the warmth from here. Precious!
Sending you my best today as always and love across the bridge,
Sal XOs
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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Rhonda dear, I just loved this chapter! The flowers, the mention of Jesus and the cross, and the fight between good and evil. Concorde Valley is much like our world just structured a little differently. I do love the kiss. I can say I felt the warmth from here. Precious!
Sending you my best today as always and love across the bridge,
Sal XOs
Comment Written 21-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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Hi Sally, thank you so much for reviewing, and for the brilliant 6 stars!! I'm glad you liked the Christian explanation. I try not to put in too much theology because there is always someone ready to argue the points one way or the other, but I did need some clarification so people didn't think I was supporting mythology.
Much love across the bridge, my dear. Get lots of rest, mentally and physically. I look forward to tomorrow's post.
Much love across the bridge,
Rhonda
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My pleasure, dear one. I enjoyed your chapter so much. I'll see you tomorrow. Blessings to you all,
Sal XOs
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See you, dear lady!!
Mwah!!
Comment from royowen
I love to read your story, and Theo is absolutely correct, that men fight wars in the presumed permission of God, but israel was the only nation that ever received these instruction, and nations to attack Israel fro being godless. This is a fine chapter with great perception, blessings Roy
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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I love to read your story, and Theo is absolutely correct, that men fight wars in the presumed permission of God, but israel was the only nation that ever received these instruction, and nations to attack Israel fro being godless. This is a fine chapter with great perception, blessings Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2024
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Thank you so much for your review and comments, Roy. It's hard for me to reconcile the two worlds. I put one comment in earlier and people wanted me to say more. I gave it my best shot.
Thank you,
Rhonda
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You did indeed, I think the truth dear girl
