These old bones
A Kyreille for the Potlatch CLub26 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Well, you'll get a lot of sympathy and commiseration right here on Fanstory. We all have those achy bones and muscles. The kyrielle's original form was supposed to be in iambic tetrameter. While your meter varies in the poem, your refrain is in perfect iambic tetrameter!
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2023
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Well, you'll get a lot of sympathy and commiseration right here on Fanstory. We all have those achy bones and muscles. The kyrielle's original form was supposed to be in iambic tetrameter. While your meter varies in the poem, your refrain is in perfect iambic tetrameter!
Comment Written 01-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2023
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Thank you, invariably I find my Achilles heel exposed which keeps me humble and focussed on constant improvement of my writing.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
I can relate to the sore bones and
watching each step for more than enjoyed your Kytirelle JLR and I feel it was written with a little humour about 'your old bones'
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2023
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I can relate to the sore bones and
watching each step for more than enjoyed your Kytirelle JLR and I feel it was written with a little humour about 'your old bones'
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 01-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2023
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Valda, thank you as always for your reviews and comments.
Comment from Mrs. KT
An exceptionally well-crafted Kyrielle, JLR!
And the message is one that will resonate with many readers.
I especially was drawn to your first stanza:
While out, sometimes I miss the sky.
Carefully strolling bye and bye,
watching each step for more than stones
So go the aches in my old bones.
"...sometimes I miss the sky" resonates deeply with me, for I, too, often walk gingerly - watching my every step and move for fear of falling...
Thank you for sharing!
Welcome back!
diane
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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An exceptionally well-crafted Kyrielle, JLR!
And the message is one that will resonate with many readers.
I especially was drawn to your first stanza:
While out, sometimes I miss the sky.
Carefully strolling bye and bye,
watching each step for more than stones
So go the aches in my old bones.
"...sometimes I miss the sky" resonates deeply with me, for I, too, often walk gingerly - watching my every step and move for fear of falling...
Thank you for sharing!
Welcome back!
diane
Comment Written 01-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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Hi Diane, I truly do relate. Thanks for the welcome back.
Comment from Jasmine Girl
I know you are not this old yet. But this poem is very convincing. I'm 62 and just start to have aching knees. So I can relate to this poem. Yes. I have to take ibuprofen regularly which is new.
Well done.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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I know you are not this old yet. But this poem is very convincing. I'm 62 and just start to have aching knees. So I can relate to this poem. Yes. I have to take ibuprofen regularly which is new.
Well done.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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Jasmine Girl, I have you by 11 years but still going strong. I'm getting a new knee at the end of the month, so that is why my lament about aching bones.
Comment from karenina
I think the blessing here is that despite the weariness and pain of our old bones there are some among us (YOU!) who have the talent and inspiration to weave the painful reality of aging into a beautiful Kyrielle.
I suppose there is only one cure for the aches and creaks of old bones ... and I'm not ready for that yet, (God willing!)
Karenina
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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I think the blessing here is that despite the weariness and pain of our old bones there are some among us (YOU!) who have the talent and inspiration to weave the painful reality of aging into a beautiful Kyrielle.
I suppose there is only one cure for the aches and creaks of old bones ... and I'm not ready for that yet, (God willing!)
Karenina
Comment Written 01-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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Karenina, right on! Far too many good things experience in the days and years left to run, so I'm gonna get a new knee at the end of the month to keep up the pace with you and rest of the FS gang. 🙏👍
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A neighbor of mine just got a brand new knee. He's up and walking already and says it's the best thing he ever did!
(He did try to convince the surgeon to include a handy smart phone chip in it....but alas, that was not to be!
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Hee, hee, didn't hurt to ask?
Comment from jake cosmos aller
a nice meditation of getting old and the aches and pains associated with old age as one aches all over especially feeling age in one bones on a cold winter's day I can feel the poet's pain
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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a nice meditation of getting old and the aches and pains associated with old age as one aches all over especially feeling age in one bones on a cold winter's day I can feel the poet's pain
Comment Written 01-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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Thanks for the review Jake.
Comment from Raul1
I think we have to take care of our bones and in order to do that we should drink much milk. Excellent work! No mistakes found. I like it. Thank you for sharing!
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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I think we have to take care of our bones and in order to do that we should drink much milk. Excellent work! No mistakes found. I like it. Thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 01-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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Rau, I apprecqite your comments.
Comment from estory
I think this poem captures that time when you spend your life in chairs, watching the world go by, rubbing your shoulder, rubbing your feet, rubbing your knees, imprisoned by the failings of your body. I watched it happen in my father as he grew old. Life becomes a struggle to get up, make breakfast lunch and dinner, clean up, and go back to bed. estory
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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I think this poem captures that time when you spend your life in chairs, watching the world go by, rubbing your shoulder, rubbing your feet, rubbing your knees, imprisoned by the failings of your body. I watched it happen in my father as he grew old. Life becomes a struggle to get up, make breakfast lunch and dinner, clean up, and go back to bed. estory
Comment Written 01-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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Estory, I could not agree more fully. At 73 I'm ready to stay in the game so I'm getting a new knee at the end of the no the to keep up the pace with you and rest of the FS gang. 🙏👍
Comment from barbara.wilkey
One of the problems of growing older is those old creaky bones. Them and I are becoming good friends, on some days. LOL Thank you for sharing this club entry with us. I enjoyed reading.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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One of the problems of growing older is those old creaky bones. Them and I are becoming good friends, on some days. LOL Thank you for sharing this club entry with us. I enjoyed reading.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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Barbara, you are so correct its a yin and yang life these days,
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Our old creaking bones have taken a battering over the years John, but as long as they work and we are able to walk then we have succeeded in keeping them in working order. I even have a skull on the back of my jacket now to remind me I am not far away from the grave! Ha ha ha, a fine post, love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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Our old creaking bones have taken a battering over the years John, but as long as they work and we are able to walk then we have succeeded in keeping them in working order. I even have a skull on the back of my jacket now to remind me I am not far away from the grave! Ha ha ha, a fine post, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 01-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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Dolly, you are quite correct! We live in very special times in terms of eons and eons of life on earth. Medical advancements have provided many, includ8ngmysepf and extra measure of days. I'm even getting the first of two new knees later this month. Then my old bones will get some much need relief. Be well dear friend... Jim
