Together we Stand
A 5-7-5 Poem15 total reviews
Comment from Jamison Brown
A great message, kahpot. I stand firmly with you.
I like your decision on no punctuation; the lines flow smoothly and create a cohesive thought. Your artwork contributes effectively and provides a heartwarming, encouraging visual. Well done. - Jamison
Note: Check capitalization of we in title.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2023
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A great message, kahpot. I stand firmly with you.
I like your decision on no punctuation; the lines flow smoothly and create a cohesive thought. Your artwork contributes effectively and provides a heartwarming, encouraging visual. Well done. - Jamison
Note: Check capitalization of we in title.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2023
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Thank you Jamison, for your wonderful comments, I will check on the title, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from Paul Manton
Kahpot, this is so good I wish I had a six left.
Young children barely notice skin color - instead they notice love, kindness, sincerity, humor, friendliness . . . and you and I could think of many more.
So to see this delicious picture gives hope to all of us.
The more I look at this, I have to say, it is easily the best haiku I have seen on this site! Of course, the 5-7-5 form is perfect, but the choice of phrases is immaculate.
I don't want you to change this, but if you think that the rules of haiku need to be met with a dash after line two, it won't work with these words - you would need . . . - our futures emerge'' for example. Either way, you absolutely don't need the apostrophe, as 'futures' is a straight plural.
Virtually perfect!
Paul
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2023
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Kahpot, this is so good I wish I had a six left.
Young children barely notice skin color - instead they notice love, kindness, sincerity, humor, friendliness . . . and you and I could think of many more.
So to see this delicious picture gives hope to all of us.
The more I look at this, I have to say, it is easily the best haiku I have seen on this site! Of course, the 5-7-5 form is perfect, but the choice of phrases is immaculate.
I don't want you to change this, but if you think that the rules of haiku need to be met with a dash after line two, it won't work with these words - you would need . . . - our futures emerge'' for example. Either way, you absolutely don't need the apostrophe, as 'futures' is a straight plural.
Virtually perfect!
Paul
Comment Written 05-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2023
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Thank you Paul, I will have to check, though to my knowledge a 5-7-5 does not require a satori thus separating it from the haiku, I will check, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
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If I am wrong, please accept my apologies. I realize 'satori' has more than one meaning. On this site they seem to use it more specifically on line 3 (or concluding lines) of Japanese forms.
Best wishes, Paul
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Kids are completely innocent and feel no ill will towards their friends, they never see the prejudices of adults and we hope they grow up without any indoctrination, a fine post, love Dolly x x x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2023
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Kids are completely innocent and feel no ill will towards their friends, they never see the prejudices of adults and we hope they grow up without any indoctrination, a fine post, love Dolly x x x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2023
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Thank you for your wonderful comments, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
Comment from AP Apgar
An excellent haiku poem- nice picture presentation of the children- one of my favorite subjects! - good syllable count and flow- I only have one thing to suggest- between the second stanza and the satori- a pause?
...Nothing comes
between us - dash pause
Then - as futures emerge
See what you think- good luck -Bless
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2023
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An excellent haiku poem- nice picture presentation of the children- one of my favorite subjects! - good syllable count and flow- I only have one thing to suggest- between the second stanza and the satori- a pause?
...Nothing comes
between us - dash pause
Then - as futures emerge
See what you think- good luck -Bless
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2023
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Thank you AP. to my knowledge a 5-7-5 does not require a satori this being the difference between this and a haiku, I will check on this though, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
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Sorry- I didn?t know that- thanks for the information- American haik is changing- actually I think it?s probably okay to rhyme too? Take care
AP
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Yes, I get confused with all the different forms, but enjoy trying
Comment from Theresa Honnigford
Wonderful. I think of all of the support that we take for granted and the support that we will never take for granted. 5-7-5 count was correct from my count too. Thanks, Theresa H.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2023
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Wonderful. I think of all of the support that we take for granted and the support that we will never take for granted. 5-7-5 count was correct from my count too. Thanks, Theresa H.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2023
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Wow! Thank you for your wonderful comments and the shiny six stars, as always very much appreciated****kahpot
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Thanks
