On the Edge of Deception
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "On the Edge of Deception Pg 16"Mystery, Abuse and Crime
18 total reviews
Comment from Susan Newell
The plot is thickening! Peter's edginess was good foreshadowing. I like the way this is circling back to Nancy. She's quite the little manipulator. This is a good chapter that kept the story moving and makes the reader want more. A few notes follow. One thing that repeated was ending quotations on a paragraph, although the same speaker continued in the new paragraph. They should be eliminated, because lack of them tells the reader that the same speaker will be continuing. Great job!
"No, blacks fine." ==> black's
Things went bad, real bad. -- don't think you need a para break here
The trunk was filled with boxes of Oxycontin." -- SUVs don't really have a trunk. Back? Cargo area?
them it isn't so." -- delete ending quotation mark
driving a stolen car?" -- delete ending quotation mark
Ethan reached out and touched his arm. -- suggest "Ty's arm" for clarity
have to wake up." -- delete ending quotation mark
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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The plot is thickening! Peter's edginess was good foreshadowing. I like the way this is circling back to Nancy. She's quite the little manipulator. This is a good chapter that kept the story moving and makes the reader want more. A few notes follow. One thing that repeated was ending quotations on a paragraph, although the same speaker continued in the new paragraph. They should be eliminated, because lack of them tells the reader that the same speaker will be continuing. Great job!
"No, blacks fine." ==> black's
Things went bad, real bad. -- don't think you need a para break here
The trunk was filled with boxes of Oxycontin." -- SUVs don't really have a trunk. Back? Cargo area?
them it isn't so." -- delete ending quotation mark
driving a stolen car?" -- delete ending quotation mark
Ethan reached out and touched his arm. -- suggest "Ty's arm" for clarity
have to wake up." -- delete ending quotation mark
Comment Written 18-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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Good morning, Susan. Thanks for fixing my foggy brain and story. Something must have happened when I posted with the paragraph break, but I fixed it. I always keep forgetting about the quotation marks not needed when the conversation continues - old bad habits I guess. i believe everything is fixed thanks to you - Appreciate it very much. Smiles - Carol
hope all is going okay with your hubby...
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You are welcome. I was hoping there would be a new chapter this morning. That Nancy is a real manipulator.
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I didn't get home from the set until 10 - It's a late call today so I hope to be able to write another chapter before I have to go. Smiles to you, Susan..As always, Carol
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Don't wear yourself out!
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All week long I have tests, etc for the surgery too! LOl No rest for the wicked... Wondering if that adds more evil to my stories. LOL
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I don't like Dwight or Nancy, they should both be thrown in jail. I'd sort of guessed that Peter was the leak, now he's under pressure and doesn't like it. Greed and money are the worst motivators for murder. Nate is going to be devastated when it all comes out. Now we have two people being accused of wrong-doing, Ty and Beth, and neither is in a position to put them right. The plot thickens, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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I don't like Dwight or Nancy, they should both be thrown in jail. I'd sort of guessed that Peter was the leak, now he's under pressure and doesn't like it. Greed and money are the worst motivators for murder. Nate is going to be devastated when it all comes out. Now we have two people being accused of wrong-doing, Ty and Beth, and neither is in a position to put them right. The plot thickens, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 18-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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Good morning, Sandra. These weary old bones were stunned at the reception this story and Matt's received yesterday. People who hadn't been following even jumped on board. Amazing!!! I'm feeling so good (well my mind is) that when I finish I really want to publish it. A few think it already has been. LOL I would never have dreamed... except for a friend who has always been there from the beginning. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Smiles - Carol
Comment from karenina
Hah! You thought you could sneak this one in and I wouldn't see it until Sunday afternoon! I came to bed and my "Spidey Sense" told me to flick on my Kindle and check!
Nancy had her thumb in another mud pie! (You really should add jet to your list of characters!)--
Now, when it's time to wind down and sleep...my mind is whirring! Dwight's not going to like it if he finds she's not giving him her undivided attention!
Sparks may well fly in HER direction at last!
Okay...Ethan hasn't let me down... and Ty, I hope will pull through...
As for Peter. Hmmm. Daddy's boy is "the leak"? Ahh, the things they'll do for money...even when it's all in the family!
Cool thing. All your subplots ate interesting! Beth's never out of my mind, but I'm not reading " filler"-- This Oxy plot is good!
Also good? Sixes are replenished!
Here's one of many I wish I'd had to give you as I devoured your previous installments over the last two days!
Off to bed for me! Have a GREAT Sunday!
Karenina
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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Hah! You thought you could sneak this one in and I wouldn't see it until Sunday afternoon! I came to bed and my "Spidey Sense" told me to flick on my Kindle and check!
Nancy had her thumb in another mud pie! (You really should add jet to your list of characters!)--
Now, when it's time to wind down and sleep...my mind is whirring! Dwight's not going to like it if he finds she's not giving him her undivided attention!
Sparks may well fly in HER direction at last!
Okay...Ethan hasn't let me down... and Ty, I hope will pull through...
As for Peter. Hmmm. Daddy's boy is "the leak"? Ahh, the things they'll do for money...even when it's all in the family!
Cool thing. All your subplots ate interesting! Beth's never out of my mind, but I'm not reading " filler"-- This Oxy plot is good!
Also good? Sixes are replenished!
Here's one of many I wish I'd had to give you as I devoured your previous installments over the last two days!
Off to bed for me! Have a GREAT Sunday!
Karenina
Comment Written 18-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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Awesome! I can't believe you caught this last night. It was three fourths written and I so wanted to post it. I'm not worried about the sixes. The fact that you understand all the plots and how they tie together is outstanding. I never know which way a story is going and it often changes as I write. I think I know most of this one in my head, but even I can be surprised. LOL Karenina, I can't thank you enough for your encouragement and reviews. Now - I better try to cram a new chapter in between the set and the cooking... They'd get mad if there wasn't any food. Sweet dreams and good thoughts. Smiles and hugs, Carol
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I was tickled to see a new post! I'm glad you said sometimes you can be surprised by plot twists... That's what I was saying about characters pulling me in another direction! Writer's who develop great plots open doors and windows to new ideas and opportunities!--Karenina
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It happens to me a lot. To be honest, this particular story started out to be in response to a contest about a song... Can't help falling in love with you.... needless to say I didn't enter and this story found an entirely new life of its own.
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I love when an idea takes on a life of its own!--Karenina
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
There is definitely a leak! So, Peter is screwing his own father. How long will it take to find out he's the leak. Ethan is totally confused and in Limbo until Ty comes thru.
NB:
â??That makes three (hijacking) in six months.>>s/b 'hijackings'
Ralf
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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There is definitely a leak! So, Peter is screwing his own father. How long will it take to find out he's the leak. Ethan is totally confused and in Limbo until Ty comes thru.
NB:
â??That makes three (hijacking) in six months.>>s/b 'hijackings'
Ralf
Comment Written 18-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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Hi again, Ralf... A drop of an s between friends LOL Thanks for seeing it and pointing it out. I need all the help I can get. LOL Appreciate the review. Have a great day while I try to catch up on all these reviews. I was stunned this morning!!! Smiles - Carol
Comment from lyenochka
Poor Ric had to deal with that kind of interaction with Nate and his son. It seems the son is rather suspicious. But then, Nancy might have some underground connections, too. This are getting more complicated!
Suggestions:
"No, blacks fine." (black's) contraction of 'black is'
"Get's you going." (Gets) 3rd person singular
somethings happened. (something's)
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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Poor Ric had to deal with that kind of interaction with Nate and his son. It seems the son is rather suspicious. But then, Nancy might have some underground connections, too. This are getting more complicated!
Suggestions:
"No, blacks fine." (black's) contraction of 'black is'
"Get's you going." (Gets) 3rd person singular
somethings happened. (something's)
Comment Written 18-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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Hi, Helen... I fixed my mistakes - thought there would be more considering how pressed for time I am. Between working on the film, cooking and all my friends clamoring for another chapter (which leaves me flying higher than a kite) I am thrilled for all the reviews and kind thoughts. Smiles, Carol
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Don't forget to get enough sleep, Carol. 💖
Comment from Iza Deleanu
People trapped in their pitty existance, trying to make lots of money on a vice that are killing people. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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People trapped in their pitty existance, trying to make lots of money on a vice that are killing people. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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Thanks so much, Iza. I appreciate your kindness and the review. Smiles as always, Carol
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I thought this was well written. You do an excellent job (as I think you know) with dialogue. The story moves forward and is told primarily by the characters in it. And it's an interesting story. Very creative and enjoyable to read.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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I thought this was well written. You do an excellent job (as I think you know) with dialogue. The story moves forward and is told primarily by the characters in it. And it's an interesting story. Very creative and enjoyable to read.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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Hi, Michael! I don't believe we've met before, but if we have, I apologize...old ladies tend to forget. I agree, I think writing dialogue to move a story comes easier for me than the rest. I believe this might be the best one I have written and I have been encouraged by many to have it published when I'm done. That's a thrilling thought. Never would I have imagined something like that. Thanks so much for your kind review and generous thoughts. Smiles - Carol
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Brilliant--frenetic pace--great dialog. Creepy ending--they deserve each other!
typos:
"No, [blacks=>BLACK'S] fine."
"[Get's=>GETS] you going."
That makes three [hijacking=>HIJACKINGS] in six months.
I can't tell another wife or mother [somethings=>SOMETHING'S] happened.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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Brilliant--frenetic pace--great dialog. Creepy ending--they deserve each other!
typos:
"No, [blacks=>BLACK'S] fine."
"[Get's=>GETS] you going."
That makes three [hijacking=>HIJACKINGS] in six months.
I can't tell another wife or mother [somethings=>SOMETHING'S] happened.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2021
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Hi, Liz! In my haste to leave yesterday for the film set, I forgot to save my corrections...I thank you for pointing that out. Appreciate the help and the review. Smiles, Carol
