Haiku (exuberance)
Haiku20 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Enjoyed your exuberant haiku celebrating spring. I wonder (and I'm not any haiku expert) if the first and last lines should be swapped. Then you would have the concrete image in the first two lines and a more general statement in the last. Just a thought.
the sound of chirping
from within blossomed branches
life's exuberance
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2021
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Enjoyed your exuberant haiku celebrating spring. I wonder (and I'm not any haiku expert) if the first and last lines should be swapped. Then you would have the concrete image in the first two lines and a more general statement in the last. Just a thought.
the sound of chirping
from within blossomed branches
life's exuberance
Comment Written 03-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2021
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Hi Helen.. Jim commented too that the two lines seem interchangeable. I will go take another look. Thanks so much!!
Melissa
Comment from Janice Canerdy
What could be more celebratory of spring than a little bird chirping--amongst lovely blooms! Your haiku is skillfully composed and delightful. Great artwork
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2021
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What could be more celebratory of spring than a little bird chirping--amongst lovely blooms! Your haiku is skillfully composed and delightful. Great artwork
Comment Written 03-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2021
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Hello Janice. Thanks so much!! I love the joy of Spring!
Melissa
Comment from royowen
A beautifully written haiku Melissa, the sheer exuberance of springtime is like my four year old grandson, who never seems to stop running, I can remember feeling like that when young, everything works! Beautifully done Good luck, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2021
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A beautifully written haiku Melissa, the sheer exuberance of springtime is like my four year old grandson, who never seems to stop running, I can remember feeling like that when young, everything works! Beautifully done Good luck, blessings Roy
Comment Written 03-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2021
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Hello Roy. What an exuberant reply. I know you must enjoy that little fella... Thanks so much.
Melissa
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Well done
Comment from Jesse James Doty
I love the life-embracing word, "exuberance" very much! Bubbling over with enthusiasm is another way I think of this word. Having this word in the title brings it home even more! Spring is in the air, and birds are alive and showing off their exuberance, as they let out their happy chirping voices, yea! This is a lovely haiku, and speaks volumes about nature and life and happy rejoicing!
Thank you for sharing this positive uplifting poem!
Jesse
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2021
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I love the life-embracing word, "exuberance" very much! Bubbling over with enthusiasm is another way I think of this word. Having this word in the title brings it home even more! Spring is in the air, and birds are alive and showing off their exuberance, as they let out their happy chirping voices, yea! This is a lovely haiku, and speaks volumes about nature and life and happy rejoicing!
Thank you for sharing this positive uplifting poem!
Jesse
Comment Written 03-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2021
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Hi there Jesse. Thanks for the wonderful review full of your own exuberance!! I enjoyed reading it and appreciate your words!
Melissa
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Good afternoon, Melissa.
I am happy you liked my joyful response to your haiku. It sounds like there is joy all around and between the writer and reader. How great is that?
Have a grand Easter!
Jesse
Comment from Sally Law
Gorgeous spring haiku guaranteed to chase away the blues. A lovely pink offering and sanctuary for the birds. Sending you my best today as always. Happy Easter!
Sal XOs....
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2021
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Gorgeous spring haiku guaranteed to chase away the blues. A lovely pink offering and sanctuary for the birds. Sending you my best today as always. Happy Easter!
Sal XOs....
Comment Written 03-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2021
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Hi Sally. Thank you my friend. I hope you have beautiful weather where you are... we are blessed with sunshine today.
Melissa
Comment from RodG
One of the true delights of Spring is the return of songbirds who often perch among the blossoms of my magnolia tree. I love their "sound of chirping." Rod
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2021
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One of the true delights of Spring is the return of songbirds who often perch among the blossoms of my magnolia tree. I love their "sound of chirping." Rod
Comment Written 03-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2021
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Thank you Rod!! I love that joyful sound too.
Melissa
Comment from Kerry L Batchelder
I love the simplicity of this poem that reminds me of new birth. The sound of baby chicks is precious in the spring and one we all enjoy! Your work is beautiful as is the picture that accompanies it!
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2021
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I love the simplicity of this poem that reminds me of new birth. The sound of baby chicks is precious in the spring and one we all enjoy! Your work is beautiful as is the picture that accompanies it!
Comment Written 03-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2021
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Thank you very much Kerry!
Melissa
Comment from Pantygynt
Can I suggest that you insert a -- after branches, as this is the cutting word the kireji or cutting word if you intend the satori to be the third line. On the other hand the satori here could be the first line and the second and third being the grammatical sentence.
I think it is clever, being capable of forming a haiku either way but I would be interested to hear what Gypsy says about it.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2021
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Can I suggest that you insert a -- after branches, as this is the cutting word the kireji or cutting word if you intend the satori to be the third line. On the other hand the satori here could be the first line and the second and third being the grammatical sentence.
I think it is clever, being capable of forming a haiku either way but I would be interested to hear what Gypsy says about it.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2021
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Hello Jim, I liked your suggestion to insert punctuation and I have done so. I do not know if Haiku allows that or not... I searched out Basho and his frog and tried to make mine more precise... you should have seen the rough draft Ugh! Thank you and I hope you enjoy a lovely Easter Sunday!! I have a reviewer.. Kahpot.. who wants to learn about Amphibrach meter and has asked for a definition. May I copy your definition from my notes and give them to him? Hugs!!
Melissa
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Punctuation, as it is understood in the West is not normally used in haiku. The dash after the kireji is a common feature of today's English language haiku.
I was pleased that you were playing with the idea for some time before finalising it. That is often a good idea.
By all means quote my definitions of Amphibrach metre, just please give me the credit when you do.
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Will do. :)
M
Comment from rindy ryan
I really like the poem but it needs a good title. Some ideas: Out of the Egg, Baby Robins, Hidden Nest? You could also consider words other than "the sound of" such as "chirping babies call". "Baby birds are chirping" Thanks for sharing! Good luck!
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reply by the author on 03-Apr-2021
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I really like the poem but it needs a good title. Some ideas: Out of the Egg, Baby Robins, Hidden Nest? You could also consider words other than "the sound of" such as "chirping babies call". "Baby birds are chirping" Thanks for sharing! Good luck!
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2021
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Hello Randy. I appreciate your suggestions, but classic Haiku mandates the use of the first line as the title in parentheses. I shortened it to Life and perhaps oversimplified it too much. I will give it another look. Thanks.
Melissa
Comment from Susan Louise Gabriel
Beautiful poem and photograph! I am listening to the birds chirp right now and watching them from my window as I type this. They live in the bushes outside the window and I'm sure are building a nest.
Thank you for sharing this lovely poem!
Susan
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reply by the author on 03-Apr-2021
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Beautiful poem and photograph! I am listening to the birds chirp right now and watching them from my window as I type this. They live in the bushes outside the window and I'm sure are building a nest.
Thank you for sharing this lovely poem!
Susan
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Comment Written 03-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2021
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How lovely Susan! I am sitting by a window too , but the boxwoods are low and low and the birds fly elsewhere. Chilly here too. Thanks so much for your lovely comments!
Melissa
