Oh Life!
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Greedy!"Experiences of living
191 total reviews
Comment from AmoksSoulmate
Great little rictameter. Your point is well made and your word choice is excellent. This was a pleasure to read you did a great job in such a restrictive format. Thanks for sharing
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Great little rictameter. Your point is well made and your word choice is excellent. This was a pleasure to read you did a great job in such a restrictive format. Thanks for sharing
Comment Written 17-May-2006
Comment from Swtdreamz
Like fools wise or wise fools who dance- true many are destroyed by greed
Wink, callous of why, how, who created
Just waste resources both worlds' ends- we do waste enough- but i suppose we try to stock up more than we need or can use- call it paranoia or maybe just plain greedy
good job
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Like fools wise or wise fools who dance- true many are destroyed by greed
Wink, callous of why, how, who created
Just waste resources both worlds' ends- we do waste enough- but i suppose we try to stock up more than we need or can use- call it paranoia or maybe just plain greedy
good job
Comment Written 17-May-2006
Comment from mayflowerbg
'Mess wise world for moments' I doubt that! Moments from the point of view of eternity, yes, but what if such 'moments' last your whole life long? Like Hemingway's life, for example ("We all are a lost generation") or my life and the lives of my people? Living in a former communist country makes me painfully doubt that!
Thank you for the poem, it's very thought provoking!
The meter:
Wink, callous of why, how and who created.
1--------2----3---4---5------6-----7-----8---9--10-11
I think 'created' /kri: 'ie tid/ is your Troyan horse here, because you must sound the -ed after 't'.
It could be easily mended if you use the infinitive, which has 2 syllables;
or omit 'of' replacing it by ':';
or cross out 'and' and put a comma instead.
Sorry, if I'm mistaken! Let the muse always be with you!
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'Mess wise world for moments' I doubt that! Moments from the point of view of eternity, yes, but what if such 'moments' last your whole life long? Like Hemingway's life, for example ("We all are a lost generation") or my life and the lives of my people? Living in a former communist country makes me painfully doubt that!
Thank you for the poem, it's very thought provoking!
The meter:
Wink, callous of why, how and who created.
1--------2----3---4---5------6-----7-----8---9--10-11
I think 'created' /kri: 'ie tid/ is your Troyan horse here, because you must sound the -ed after 't'.
It could be easily mended if you use the infinitive, which has 2 syllables;
or omit 'of' replacing it by ':';
or cross out 'and' and put a comma instead.
Sorry, if I'm mistaken! Let the muse always be with you!
Comment Written 17-May-2006
Comment from proudgranny
Wise fools are creative and are unsuspected in this wise world. I really enjoy reading your poetry, it is always a learning experience for me and a good one at that!
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Wise fools are creative and are unsuspected in this wise world. I really enjoy reading your poetry, it is always a learning experience for me and a good one at that!
Comment Written 17-May-2006
Comment from Dear Essay Reviewer
This Rictameter has perfect syllable counting.
The poet makes it clear that those wise fools or fools wise are greedy and they pass on their poor remarks instantly or hurriedly and as a result make the world a mess and sometime such foolishness become a challenging factor to the wise.
The wise always step down slow but steadily and offer classis remarks.
This is a clear message server.
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This Rictameter has perfect syllable counting.
The poet makes it clear that those wise fools or fools wise are greedy and they pass on their poor remarks instantly or hurriedly and as a result make the world a mess and sometime such foolishness become a challenging factor to the wise.
The wise always step down slow but steadily and offer classis remarks.
This is a clear message server.
Comment Written 14-May-2006
Comment from tuskantail
Really liked this, no nits to be found as far as I'm concerned anyway. It was thought provoking. Why is it that the majority of us are discontent with our lot? Keep those thoughts coming.
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Really liked this, no nits to be found as far as I'm concerned anyway. It was thought provoking. Why is it that the majority of us are discontent with our lot? Keep those thoughts coming.
Comment Written 13-May-2006
Comment from rl dubour
Greedy!--- your rictmeter excellent along with every word that is within it. Very good job with this. Greed, I talk about this word very much, what ever happened to content, thankfulness and being grateful? Excellent work Ron
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Greedy!--- your rictmeter excellent along with every word that is within it. Very good job with this. Greed, I talk about this word very much, what ever happened to content, thankfulness and being grateful? Excellent work Ron
Comment Written 13-May-2006
Comment from Frank Furter
no changes for me . love the layout the flow and the wording .. thank you for sharing your lovelly work with us all here at fan story : well done always a plesure reviewing high quality work
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no changes for me . love the layout the flow and the wording .. thank you for sharing your lovelly work with us all here at fan story : well done always a plesure reviewing high quality work
Comment Written 13-May-2006
Comment from shelley kaye
cool rictameter
creative and interesting word choices
thought provoking too
one suggestion:
maybe center?
it kinda looks like a church on its side lol :-P
Thanx for sharing :-)
Remember: "A first impression is a lasting impression"
(i SEE the poem BEFORE i read it)
Sea~ Shell*s Thought For Today.... All Men Are Animals; Some Just Make Better Pets.
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cool rictameter
creative and interesting word choices
thought provoking too
one suggestion:
maybe center?
it kinda looks like a church on its side lol :-P
Thanx for sharing :-)
Remember: "A first impression is a lasting impression"
(i SEE the poem BEFORE i read it)
Sea~ Shell*s Thought For Today.... All Men Are Animals; Some Just Make Better Pets.
Comment Written 13-May-2006
Comment from WorstPoetic Reviewer
This Rictameter is perfect in structure in syllable counting. The message is clear as the truth is the groundwork. Wise fools or fools wise always try earliest to offer their views on anything and everything. They are greedy to express their views so foolishly and they challenge world of wise people and sometimes they put wise in dilemma by offering easy, cheap, callous and foolish words. The greed of speaking, doing, activating or expressing instantly is the root of all evils in this world. It is true in this work. Kudos to the poet for writing the right feelings in a right manner.
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This Rictameter is perfect in structure in syllable counting. The message is clear as the truth is the groundwork. Wise fools or fools wise always try earliest to offer their views on anything and everything. They are greedy to express their views so foolishly and they challenge world of wise people and sometimes they put wise in dilemma by offering easy, cheap, callous and foolish words. The greed of speaking, doing, activating or expressing instantly is the root of all evils in this world. It is true in this work. Kudos to the poet for writing the right feelings in a right manner.
Comment Written 13-May-2006
