Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Your turn with the Soap"A book of Poetry & Writing
128 total reviews
Comment from words
An interesting write.
A tad unfocused, but I got your point.
I especially liked:Soap was the punishment for children, to wash away their lies,
What is it for adults, to wash away tears and pain we hide?
We live our lives so guarded to please our partners wish,
Are we completely true, when living with all their whims?
Do we hide the worry and stress not having the perfect day,
Forever saying it's going to be ok, but leaving words unspoken.
Or is it best to face that question on another time or day,
We are told we are all Gods' children, is that a lie or true?
Remember when asked the question, what will you do??
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
  |
An interesting write.
A tad unfocused, but I got your point.
I especially liked:Soap was the punishment for children, to wash away their lies,
What is it for adults, to wash away tears and pain we hide?
We live our lives so guarded to please our partners wish,
Are we completely true, when living with all their whims?
Do we hide the worry and stress not having the perfect day,
Forever saying it's going to be ok, but leaving words unspoken.
Or is it best to face that question on another time or day,
We are told we are all Gods' children, is that a lie or true?
Remember when asked the question, what will you do??
Comment Written 07-May-2010
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
-
thank you for reading words have a great weekend my friend
Comment from prophetess
Another well written poem, deepwater. I love the presentation, the flow, is smooth, no spag, or typos, very good. Thank you for sharing.
Prophetess
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
|
Another well written poem, deepwater. I love the presentation, the flow, is smooth, no spag, or typos, very good. Thank you for sharing.
Prophetess
Comment Written 07-May-2010
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
-
thank you for reading prophetess
-
You're welcome again :)
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Deepwater ...
In this free-thought writing, as I read it, you are
pondering over many questions and how they would be answered. I like your title - "Your turn with the Soap" - referring, as you do, to the old-fashioned custom of a child having his or her mouth washed out with soap as a punishment for telling a lie or using bad language.
In today's world, if this was done, the soap manufacturers would have greatly increased business!
I have given you 5 stars, trusting that you will consider the few small changes recommended ...
* You have - Not knowing were it's leading ... this should be - where it's leading ...
* You have - to please our partners wish ... this should be - to please our partner's wish - if you are referring to a single person, or .... partners' wishes ... if you are refer to more than one. I raise this question because, a little further on, you refer to "all their (plural) whims" ...
* After your words ... but leaving words unspoken, you need a question mark.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
With love from ..... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
|
Hullo Deepwater ...
In this free-thought writing, as I read it, you are
pondering over many questions and how they would be answered. I like your title - "Your turn with the Soap" - referring, as you do, to the old-fashioned custom of a child having his or her mouth washed out with soap as a punishment for telling a lie or using bad language.
In today's world, if this was done, the soap manufacturers would have greatly increased business!
I have given you 5 stars, trusting that you will consider the few small changes recommended ...
* You have - Not knowing were it's leading ... this should be - where it's leading ...
* You have - to please our partners wish ... this should be - to please our partner's wish - if you are referring to a single person, or .... partners' wishes ... if you are refer to more than one. I raise this question because, a little further on, you refer to "all their (plural) whims" ...
* After your words ... but leaving words unspoken, you need a question mark.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
With love from ..... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 07-May-2010
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
-
thank you mary i will make so chenges base on your comments
Comment from daniela.albu
Very interesting and original in format this poem puts plain questions on honesty and truthfullness:
"Soap was the punishment for children, to wash away their lies,
What is it for adults, to wash away tears and pain we hide?"
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
|
Very interesting and original in format this poem puts plain questions on honesty and truthfullness:
"Soap was the punishment for children, to wash away their lies,
What is it for adults, to wash away tears and pain we hide?"
Comment Written 07-May-2010
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
-
thank you for reading daniela hope you have a great weekend Gary
Comment from Joan E.
I enjoyed your thought-provoking poem and bits of rhyme, I also especially liked your "duck" simile and "Soap... to wash away their lies" metaphor. (I think it should be "partner's" in line nine.) I found your use of questions quite effective.
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
|
I enjoyed your thought-provoking poem and bits of rhyme, I also especially liked your "duck" simile and "Soap... to wash away their lies" metaphor. (I think it should be "partner's" in line nine.) I found your use of questions quite effective.
Comment Written 07-May-2010
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
-
thank you Joan for reading this work of love...smiling
Comment from Dall
I pushed someone away that I truly loved, in fact, I still do love. However, I am looking back and I think he didn't really care from the beginning. I say that for this, to talk it out sometimes is the best, not just to go along with the whims of others.. He preferred to walk away, nothing said... Well done!
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
|
I pushed someone away that I truly loved, in fact, I still do love. However, I am looking back and I think he didn't really care from the beginning. I say that for this, to talk it out sometimes is the best, not just to go along with the whims of others.. He preferred to walk away, nothing said... Well done!
Comment Written 07-May-2010
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
-
thank you Dell for reading Gary
Comment from kintesiegel
i guess i do like your serious poems better than the romantic ones. i like the questions you pose and the analogies you make like this one about the duck "paddling from land"...that brings a bit of cowboy culture to the screen.
I know that you write "fast and hard" as you may have lived but these words are not needed in the first lines "words that are not spoken" [that are] are superfluous and may make the poem less fluid. Condensing is one way to turn prose into poetry.
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
|
i guess i do like your serious poems better than the romantic ones. i like the questions you pose and the analogies you make like this one about the duck "paddling from land"...that brings a bit of cowboy culture to the screen.
I know that you write "fast and hard" as you may have lived but these words are not needed in the first lines "words that are not spoken" [that are] are superfluous and may make the poem less fluid. Condensing is one way to turn prose into poetry.
Comment Written 07-May-2010
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
-
Thank you for reading Kintesiegel
Comment from Isaiah Ramesses
I tend to believe we are not all God's children, nor the siblings of Holy angels--not all of us I say.
The message is a good one. I think there was much knowledge and emotion in your presentation, Gary.
Well done.
Isaiah Ramesses
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
|
I tend to believe we are not all God's children, nor the siblings of Holy angels--not all of us I say.
The message is a good one. I think there was much knowledge and emotion in your presentation, Gary.
Well done.
Isaiah Ramesses
Comment Written 07-May-2010
reply by the author on 07-May-2010
-
thank you for reading Remessesxii Gary
Comment from c_lucas
My suggestion is for you to research "Free Will." Throughout the eons, man has decided his destiny, while knowing the truth. This is very well written with very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
|
My suggestion is for you to research "Free Will." Throughout the eons, man has decided his destiny, while knowing the truth. This is very well written with very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
Comment Written 06-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
-
thank you C for reading
-
You're welcome, Gary. Charlie
Comment from Teri7
This is a very good poem you have penned. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery. A joy to read and review. Hugs, Teri
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
|
This is a very good poem you have penned. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery. A joy to read and review. Hugs, Teri
Comment Written 06-May-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
-
thank you so much for reading Teri, have a great day Gary
