The Sonnet Collection
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Ashes of Lost Hope"a poetic collage of my sonnets
109 total reviews
Comment from Always Hope
Hi yentel!
Well, I can certainly see why you're a published writer. This is outstanding work! Deep, romantic, and I loved your word choice.
It's definitely worth a 5 star rating from me. Thanks for sharing, and best of luck in the contest!
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Hi yentel!
Well, I can certainly see why you're a published writer. This is outstanding work! Deep, romantic, and I loved your word choice.
It's definitely worth a 5 star rating from me. Thanks for sharing, and best of luck in the contest!
Comment Written 08-Dec-2008
Comment from adewpearl
Unrequited love expressed through the difficult form of the Spenserian sonnet - I am not surprised you rose to the challenge. And I see the cad who spurned our speaker had once written of his love for her in verse - how terrible that he wrote what he did not mean. How sharp the quill he used as the dagger to break her heart - what great imagery.
The form is flawless, with the rhyme from one quatrain picked up in the next as required so that all verses interconnect -
ordeal/revealed desire/lyre You had many rules to follow from form to subject matter, and you pulled it all off!
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Unrequited love expressed through the difficult form of the Spenserian sonnet - I am not surprised you rose to the challenge. And I see the cad who spurned our speaker had once written of his love for her in verse - how terrible that he wrote what he did not mean. How sharp the quill he used as the dagger to break her heart - what great imagery.
The form is flawless, with the rhyme from one quatrain picked up in the next as required so that all verses interconnect -
ordeal/revealed desire/lyre You had many rules to follow from form to subject matter, and you pulled it all off!
Comment Written 08-Dec-2008
Comment from Moira's Amethyst
Yeltel
Well, first thought after reading: beautiful...simply beautiful. You have such presence when composing any kind of sonnet. I believe you to be one of the highest ranking sonneteers on this site. The way you weave your wording makes for some pretty spectacular imagery. You light upon the path of wonder a flair which many find themselves gazing at in awe. I am extremely proud to rate this with what I feel it so properly deserves. In a nutshell: I throughly enjoyed this. There is absolutly no reason for me to critique. Please, take care.
Poetry's Protege
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2008
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Yeltel
Well, first thought after reading: beautiful...simply beautiful. You have such presence when composing any kind of sonnet. I believe you to be one of the highest ranking sonneteers on this site. The way you weave your wording makes for some pretty spectacular imagery. You light upon the path of wonder a flair which many find themselves gazing at in awe. I am extremely proud to rate this with what I feel it so properly deserves. In a nutshell: I throughly enjoyed this. There is absolutly no reason for me to critique. Please, take care.
Poetry's Protege
Comment Written 24-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2008
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Kaff,
I am so proud of this review, especially coming from a stellar writer like you. I was honored to take part in this contest, and may I confess, this is my second Spenserian Sonnet! There was a similar contest about six months ago or so, and I did enter that one too. I was so happy to present a picture by a Russian artist that I know, which fit perfectly in this unrequited love theme.
Again, thank you for such a high rating and your words which mean a lot to me. It was a pleasure to participate in this contest, and quite a challenge!
Fondly, Yelena
Comment from Dawn of Tomorrow
Love the flow of this Sonnet, you do a good job with the meter. I'm wondering about some of the punctuation or perhaps lack of. Couple of thoughts below
From your first patchment, I have lost my head (do you mean parchment? I'm not familiar with the word patchment and I think there should be a comma at the end of this line)
Refusing to believe that you were real (period)
So blinded by your sun that it seemed red (Not sure of the relevance of this line, perhaps you can explain it to me)
Now knowing how to handle this ordeal.
I thought that your true nature you'd reveal (Might be smoother as I thought your truest nature you'd reveal)
How could you fail in that? Your verse was fire(period)
Alas, my aching heart you did not heal (period)
Confused was I, in passion and desire.
My knight, where did you hide your silver lyre?
The bells of love rang in my mind alone (period)
Your legacy bequeathed by fortune's ire
were ashes of lost hope on my tombstone.
Oh my elusive love, you seemed so real(period)
How did I err in search of my ideal?
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2008
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Love the flow of this Sonnet, you do a good job with the meter. I'm wondering about some of the punctuation or perhaps lack of. Couple of thoughts below
From your first patchment, I have lost my head (do you mean parchment? I'm not familiar with the word patchment and I think there should be a comma at the end of this line)
Refusing to believe that you were real (period)
So blinded by your sun that it seemed red (Not sure of the relevance of this line, perhaps you can explain it to me)
Now knowing how to handle this ordeal.
I thought that your true nature you'd reveal (Might be smoother as I thought your truest nature you'd reveal)
How could you fail in that? Your verse was fire(period)
Alas, my aching heart you did not heal (period)
Confused was I, in passion and desire.
My knight, where did you hide your silver lyre?
The bells of love rang in my mind alone (period)
Your legacy bequeathed by fortune's ire
were ashes of lost hope on my tombstone.
Oh my elusive love, you seemed so real(period)
How did I err in search of my ideal?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2008
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Thank you, Dawn, for your helpful comments. I made a few correction, and it does read better. Have a great day, can't wait for your entry (if you are planning to enter, that it), Yeltel
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Muse has been coming and going, we shall see. Good luck with your entry it has a beautiful flow.
Comment from Jill1970
Excellent piece. Very creative and easy to follow. I also appreciated the education on the Spenserian Sonnet; it appears you follow that structure quite well. Your choice of words are very 'old school' and match with the picture and the type of poetry nicely.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2008
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Excellent piece. Very creative and easy to follow. I also appreciated the education on the Spenserian Sonnet; it appears you follow that structure quite well. Your choice of words are very 'old school' and match with the picture and the type of poetry nicely.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2008
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Thank you so much for your wonderful words of support. I am very moved by them. This is my second Spenserian sonnet, they are bit different from the regular Shakesperean sonnets, but it makes them even more of a challenge! I enjoyed writing this very much, and thank you gain for visiting.
Comment from AbigailDavid
Lovely competition entry Yeltel. I always enjoy your poetry when I come across it here at FS. Best of luck in the competition.
I have been away a bit lately, on and off, so i haven't read others as yet. You certainly meet the criteria and I loved the pic that you put with this writing, it suits the poem perfectly.
Cheers, and enjoy the rest of your day, abigail
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2008
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Lovely competition entry Yeltel. I always enjoy your poetry when I come across it here at FS. Best of luck in the competition.
I have been away a bit lately, on and off, so i haven't read others as yet. You certainly meet the criteria and I loved the pic that you put with this writing, it suits the poem perfectly.
Cheers, and enjoy the rest of your day, abigail
Comment Written 23-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2008
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Thank you so much, Abigail, for your lovely words. I enjoyed writing this sonnet, and this is my second Spenserian Sonnet so far (I have written many Shakesperean sonnets, but they are slightly different from Spenserian in the interlocking rhymes which is Spencerian requirement). I'd like to see you enter! This is quite a challenge. Fondly, Yelena
Comment from Gypsymooncat
Excellent job yeltel. Considering the limitations of this contest, I believe you've turned out a stunning sonnet, and as I'm a rhyme freak, I thought this was a pure example of rhyme at its best. I also love the title; it seems to give the poem that bit more edge and keeps it from being the "usual run of the mill unrequited love poem". This is a fine job and an excellent contest entry - good luck! xoxoxoxoxo
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2008
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Excellent job yeltel. Considering the limitations of this contest, I believe you've turned out a stunning sonnet, and as I'm a rhyme freak, I thought this was a pure example of rhyme at its best. I also love the title; it seems to give the poem that bit more edge and keeps it from being the "usual run of the mill unrequited love poem". This is a fine job and an excellent contest entry - good luck! xoxoxoxoxo
Comment Written 23-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2008
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Thank you so much for your beautiful review, I appreciate it more than you know. This was a true challenge for me - Spenserian sonnets are tough because of their interlocking rhymes. But I enjoyed it very much.
Comment from starman
Yes, I can see the likeness to Shakespeare. I found your sonnet very palatable. Written with style and a real dash of Elizabethan passion. Great work.
:)s
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2008
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Yes, I can see the likeness to Shakespeare. I found your sonnet very palatable. Written with style and a real dash of Elizabethan passion. Great work.
:)s
Comment Written 23-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2008
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Thank you so much for your beatufil and elegant review. I especially love the "dash of Elizabethan passion". A true compliment indeed. Have a good day.
Comment from Janilou
Yelena, this is superb. I love the way you write sonnets. Your musical tone can almost be heard crying from the page itself.
Nothing to fault here. Wonderful work.
Jani
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reply by the author on 23-Nov-2008
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Yelena, this is superb. I love the way you write sonnets. Your musical tone can almost be heard crying from the page itself.
Nothing to fault here. Wonderful work.
Jani
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2008
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Thank you very much, dear Jan. I only wrote one Spenserian sonnet before that, so it was a bit of a challenge. But I love challenges! You want to try your pen on this one?
Again, I appreciate the warm words and your faith in my work.
Love, Yelena
