Internet Affair
Two people met over the Internet.140 total reviews
Comment from anabellapongasi
I enjoyed reading this story. Nice plot, good imagery. You did a good job of showing us the build up of tension and internal conflict that went on in Laila's mind. The ending leaves the reader hanging and wanting to read more.:) Great job.
Anabella
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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I enjoyed reading this story. Nice plot, good imagery. You did a good job of showing us the build up of tension and internal conflict that went on in Laila's mind. The ending leaves the reader hanging and wanting to read more.:) Great job.
Anabella
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind words.
Comment from Thesis
I enjoyed this, Barbara. You got us inside of the characters head quickly, revealing her thoughts and fears. Her doubt was superceded by her curiosity and longing to meet a man whom she thought she loved.
I can't wait to read the next part. I need to know if she made a serious mistake or not. - John
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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I enjoyed this, Barbara. You got us inside of the characters head quickly, revealing her thoughts and fears. Her doubt was superceded by her curiosity and longing to meet a man whom she thought she loved.
I can't wait to read the next part. I need to know if she made a serious mistake or not. - John
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from JW
Your story is very lifelike. It also read smoothly and I didn't notice any nics. However, after reading all of the internal doubts Laila was experiencing,I could not help but wonder how many women go through the same thing when they are about to go on a date?
This is no doubt a good beginning of what I feel will be a great story.
Jonathon
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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Your story is very lifelike. It also read smoothly and I didn't notice any nics. However, after reading all of the internal doubts Laila was experiencing,I could not help but wonder how many women go through the same thing when they are about to go on a date?
This is no doubt a good beginning of what I feel will be a great story.
Jonathon
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind reviw.
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
An interesting idea of a girl meeting an internet contact for the first time.
Her indecision is easy to understand but I really think you may have overdone it somewhat. The continual soul-searching is just a little overbearing, otherwise the story looks promising.
'She glanced past the hostess and scanned the (dinning) dining area.'
'...I guess he hasn't arrived." In the next sentence you have the hostess saying ..."I'll check the reservation and see if he has arrived." Suggest you change to something like "...I'll just check for you."
Juliette
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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An interesting idea of a girl meeting an internet contact for the first time.
Her indecision is easy to understand but I really think you may have overdone it somewhat. The continual soul-searching is just a little overbearing, otherwise the story looks promising.
'She glanced past the hostess and scanned the (dinning) dining area.'
'...I guess he hasn't arrived." In the next sentence you have the hostess saying ..."I'll check the reservation and see if he has arrived." Suggest you change to something like "...I'll just check for you."
Juliette
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I will get on those errors.
Comment from rmdelta
barbara,
this was a very interesting first chapter, my friend. Great descriptives display the character's uneasiness at meeting this man. Danger or romance? Have to wait and see. lol
Nice work, barbara
Reggie
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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barbara,
this was a very interesting first chapter, my friend. Great descriptives display the character's uneasiness at meeting this man. Danger or romance? Have to wait and see. lol
Nice work, barbara
Reggie
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Gideon Roth
Hello Barbara. This was such a fun read and so very well done I felt it deserved a top rating. I read it through twice and could not find any reason to not give it six stars. The last line is what did it for me by providing a nice ending that left me wanting to read more:
I guess I'm really going to meet the man I foolishly poured my heart out to over the Internet and telephone. Why do I do things like that? Chewing her fingernail, she followed the smiling hostess to a secluded table.
Wishing you the best of success with all your writing interest...Gideon
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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Hello Barbara. This was such a fun read and so very well done I felt it deserved a top rating. I read it through twice and could not find any reason to not give it six stars. The last line is what did it for me by providing a nice ending that left me wanting to read more:
I guess I'm really going to meet the man I foolishly poured my heart out to over the Internet and telephone. Why do I do things like that? Chewing her fingernail, she followed the smiling hostess to a secluded table.
Wishing you the best of success with all your writing interest...Gideon
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate the 6, it warmed my heart.
Comment from 1ClosetWriter
You have done a nice job with this piece of showing the internal anxiety associated with meeting someone new. You might have added some additional depth by sharing why Laila chose to use the Internet to find a partner, or why she interacted with someone so much older than herself. Thanks for sharing this story!
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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You have done a nice job with this piece of showing the internal anxiety associated with meeting someone new. You might have added some additional depth by sharing why Laila chose to use the Internet to find a partner, or why she interacted with someone so much older than herself. Thanks for sharing this story!
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Oh, you keep me on the edge of
my seat, and now leave me guessing!!
Don't be long with the next part, please.
She wrung her hands, before she glanced at her watch -rather than use "she" twice in the line - perhaps consider-
She wrung her hand before glancing at her watch
An enjoyable read.
Margaret
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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Oh, you keep me on the edge of
my seat, and now leave me guessing!!
Don't be long with the next part, please.
She wrung her hands, before she glanced at her watch -rather than use "she" twice in the line - perhaps consider-
She wrung her hand before glancing at her watch
An enjoyable read.
Margaret
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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I will get that mistake. Thank you for your kind words.
Comment from jshep
You had me hook, line and sinker, Barbara. I couldn't read it fast enough and then it stopped. Geez, hope you are posting the second part soon. I want to find out if she made a terrible mistake or if there is a happy ending. I had no spag pop out at me and bravo for keeping your reading interested. I like how you have set up her thoughts in Italic for the reader. Very well done and great read. Joyce
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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You had me hook, line and sinker, Barbara. I couldn't read it fast enough and then it stopped. Geez, hope you are posting the second part soon. I want to find out if she made a terrible mistake or if there is a happy ending. I had no spag pop out at me and bravo for keeping your reading interested. I like how you have set up her thoughts in Italic for the reader. Very well done and great read. Joyce
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate your comment on the thoughts, some reviewers couldn't figure it out.
Comment from bookishfabler
That's not fair play. What happened? Is he a serial killer, or a gigalo, or mr. perfect. You just left us hanging with this lady's anxiety. That is just not right. I didn't notice any nits or spags and I enjoyed reading this.
hugs
book
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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That's not fair play. What happened? Is he a serial killer, or a gigalo, or mr. perfect. You just left us hanging with this lady's anxiety. That is just not right. I didn't notice any nits or spags and I enjoyed reading this.
hugs
book
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate your support. As soon as I earn enough pumps I will post part 2.
