A Shift in Awareness
Everything is conspiring for good.44 total reviews
Comment from Righteous Riter
This piece meets the criteria of the tanka poem as this piece does not exceed 31 syllables. Good alliteration with from/found...all/around. Good internal rhyming with found/around. Clear message that is short and simple.
reply by the author on 16-May-2014
This piece meets the criteria of the tanka poem as this piece does not exceed 31 syllables. Good alliteration with from/found...all/around. Good internal rhyming with found/around. Clear message that is short and simple.
Comment Written 16-May-2014
reply by the author on 16-May-2014
-
Thanks, RR, for your valued critique.
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
Another person's junk is another's treasure, right? I think you spoke this very well in your poem and it's so fun to see everything animals can build with the stuff we walk by everyday not thinking twice about
reply by the author on 15-May-2014
Another person's junk is another's treasure, right? I think you spoke this very well in your poem and it's so fun to see everything animals can build with the stuff we walk by everyday not thinking twice about
Comment Written 15-May-2014
reply by the author on 15-May-2014
-
Thanks, Meghan. Makes us realize the intelligence of other species.
Comment from Selina Stambi
I am not embarrassed to admit that I only became aware of the Japanese forms after joining this site! (So I can't judge on the rules of form)
I love what you've conveyed here - that it's all in the mind; we can be what we want to be/ nothing's wasted in life, even the ugliest, lowliest things.
Profound!
Best wishes for he contest, dear.
Love,
Sonali
reply by the author on 15-May-2014
I am not embarrassed to admit that I only became aware of the Japanese forms after joining this site! (So I can't judge on the rules of form)
I love what you've conveyed here - that it's all in the mind; we can be what we want to be/ nothing's wasted in life, even the ugliest, lowliest things.
Profound!
Best wishes for he contest, dear.
Love,
Sonali
Comment Written 15-May-2014
reply by the author on 15-May-2014
-
THanks, Sonali. I had to do more research on each form that is listed on FS. Their explanations are simplified.
Comment from adewpearl
perfect pairing of art and poem, which is in excellent syllable count for the tanka contest
effective choice of pivot line
good assonance in glide to a higher
I love the association you make between the bird's transformation of debris into home and the creative person's transformation of thought into creation
an inspiring message in good tank form
Brooke
reply by the author on 15-May-2014
perfect pairing of art and poem, which is in excellent syllable count for the tanka contest
effective choice of pivot line
good assonance in glide to a higher
I love the association you make between the bird's transformation of debris into home and the creative person's transformation of thought into creation
an inspiring message in good tank form
Brooke
Comment Written 15-May-2014
reply by the author on 15-May-2014
-
What a great review. Thanks, Brooke.
Comment from elchupakabra
I enjoyed this piece, particularly the metaphorical use of the bird and it's nest. Great work on this traditional tanka, I've not much to offer in the way of critiques, only to say you did a great job constructing this piece. Best of luck in the contest and thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 15-May-2014
I enjoyed this piece, particularly the metaphorical use of the bird and it's nest. Great work on this traditional tanka, I've not much to offer in the way of critiques, only to say you did a great job constructing this piece. Best of luck in the contest and thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 15-May-2014
reply by the author on 15-May-2014
-
Thanks for a wonderful and insightful review. Good to hear from you again.
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Dear Shari - a wonderful way to share the wisdom of this fact. I enjoyed your imagery, simple concept to guide the knowledge of ascension.
Great tanka and good luck.
Thanks for sharing it.
Maureen
reply by the author on 15-May-2014
Dear Shari - a wonderful way to share the wisdom of this fact. I enjoyed your imagery, simple concept to guide the knowledge of ascension.
Great tanka and good luck.
Thanks for sharing it.
Maureen
Comment Written 15-May-2014
reply by the author on 15-May-2014
-
Thanks, Maureen, for you insightful review.
Comment from padumachitta
Hi...Oh hey, so true... What a great way to put it...I like the gliding to a higher plane.
It is a thoughful poem, but light and happy and well...not preachy...
reply by the author on 15-May-2014
Hi...Oh hey, so true... What a great way to put it...I like the gliding to a higher plane.
It is a thoughful poem, but light and happy and well...not preachy...
Comment Written 15-May-2014
reply by the author on 15-May-2014
-
Thanks, pad. A bit of meat to chew on there. LOL
Comment from mfowler
Your tanka not only has a lovely natural image exposed in the nesting bird, but a real message of substance in the idea of how thought transformed creatively (bird-nest-new life) takes us to a higher plane of existence.
reply by the author on 15-May-2014
Your tanka not only has a lovely natural image exposed in the nesting bird, but a real message of substance in the idea of how thought transformed creatively (bird-nest-new life) takes us to a higher plane of existence.
Comment Written 15-May-2014
reply by the author on 15-May-2014
-
Thanks m. You interpreted it as I intended.
Comment from Gloria ....
Very lovely tanka, Shari. The power of intention is built into all things even among those with bird brains. Of course I love how the bird takes off on a big glide in a higher plane when the nesting is all done. I do think I see my gold earrings in her nest though. Seriously! Look closely at that nest and you can see them.
I think you've captured the tanka form brilliantly. The pivot line linking the poem's two sections might just read transformation without the addition of the word seen, but that suggestion is more of a lateral move. Although transformation doesn't necessarily need to be observed with the eyes -- unless they're naked. ;-)
Exceptional tanka in my educated opinion and I wish you the best of luck in the contest. This IS a Winner!!!
Gloria
reply by the author on 15-May-2014
Very lovely tanka, Shari. The power of intention is built into all things even among those with bird brains. Of course I love how the bird takes off on a big glide in a higher plane when the nesting is all done. I do think I see my gold earrings in her nest though. Seriously! Look closely at that nest and you can see them.
I think you've captured the tanka form brilliantly. The pivot line linking the poem's two sections might just read transformation without the addition of the word seen, but that suggestion is more of a lateral move. Although transformation doesn't necessarily need to be observed with the eyes -- unless they're naked. ;-)
Exceptional tanka in my educated opinion and I wish you the best of luck in the contest. This IS a Winner!!!
Gloria
Comment Written 15-May-2014
reply by the author on 15-May-2014
-
Unfortunately, there's a syllable count in tanka so I can't take a word out of that line. I hope you're right about being a winner. Now I'm off to find your gold rings. Thank you so much for the fabulous six.
Shari xx
Comment from kiwijenny
It is amazing to me how beautiful bird nests are...made from debris like you say...even hair....transformation seen
Well done.............
God bless.............
reply by the author on 14-May-2014
It is amazing to me how beautiful bird nests are...made from debris like you say...even hair....transformation seen
Well done.............
God bless.............
Comment Written 14-May-2014
reply by the author on 14-May-2014
-
Thanks, kiwi, for your encouraging response.