Satire Fiction posted September 29, 2020

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Live, talk radio show

A talk on falling into the Arts

by Brad Bennett


Welcome, everyone, to talk radio. I'm Malcolm, your host on Art, The City, and Social Awakening. Our guest today is internationally famous intellectual reality artist, Lothario Antonistus Quimzog. Good afternoon, Lothario, and welcome to the show.
Oh, and a good day to you, Malcolm. Please, call me Lothar. I just looooooove your intro graphics showing the city from street level, how pedestrian, and I do mean that in the kindest way.  
A, thank you, Lothar—I think? Lothar, the intelligentsia, is all gaga over your latest postmodern work here in San Francisco, a large hole, which you refer to as the Anus of Armageddon.

Yes, the  Anus' has certainly been my latest on-site achievement, striving to bring the viewer to the edge of an artistic confrontation.

That brings up the big controversy Lothar, why that name, and the biblical reference?

The name  Anus refers literally to the bowels of the earth, Malcolm. Armageddon is a metaphor for the end times, the destruction of our planet.

So this, in a way, is an ecological message, how?

The bowels represent the core of our planet. To walk up and gaze into the Anus is to imagine the very soul of our planet's existence, and grasp the dangers we are placing on it from above.

I see. How about the art's impact for approval at city hall, plus objections from many critiques outside the experimental art sector? Are you worried about that?

Not at all, Malcolm. The mayor and almost all members of the council granted us their blessing. And now I can tell you, it is completed and placed in Golden Gate Park, not far from Haight Ashbury.
Lothar, as you know the park's placement of the project is controversial indeed. Some don’t agree with the freedom of public access to your sculpture—a gigantic hole in the ground, thirty feet across, and 200 hundred feet deep!
Well, I am not concerned with those who disdain the mind's intellectual stimulus. My art signifies the approach to experience. It has more merit than passé conventional thinking to visual freedom.
But sir, others warn it could be an issue with public safety. You have placed no railing around the hole. It is a sheer drop-off!
Malcolm, you yourself have expounded on this in artistic discourse. We must continue to denounce our society's imprisonment of the aesthetic with iron barriers and barricades that impede creative independence. That is the message of the sculpture's existence, the excitement of the encounter, we hope to collect a lot of viewers. 
Well, a very good analogy, and a challenging way to stumble into, I mean upon art. But skeptics ask, what is the significance between the Anus, and say, walking up to the rim of the Grand Canyon?
How aesthetically visionless they are, Malcolm. The Grand Canyon is now blocked with human-made obstructions. We should be allowed to see it as it was initially discovered—a gaping maw laid bare to the viewer.  But what have we done? Roped it off and restricted it—that first breathtaking virginal observation, now lost forever.
I must say you have presented a fresh, exciting perspective on the visual arts. Let's go to the public now. I see our open mic is active…go-ahead caller.
Lothar, oh my God, is it really you? My name is Crissy Spankwell. I am just mind blown to have this opportunity to speak to you.
Ah, a devotee, go ahead, Crissy.
I am so excited. I’ll be attending the unveiling ceremony Sunday, and I can’t wait to be in the splendor of your achievement. 

Fantastic, Crissy, peace, and virginal viewing upon you.
Oh, and upon you, Lothar, and what an act of brilliance for you to keep it open at night.

Yes, we fought the safety Nazis on that, visitors can visit the sculpture any time—no artificial light. 
Well ok, then Lothar. And  Crissy, thank you for calling. Lothar, that brings up my next question. Are you not a little concerned about this, an open abyss in the middle of the park's major walkway at night?
Not at all, Malcolm. For nighttime viewing, we will provide pacing instructions for those continuing on to the rim. Placing lamps around the sculpture would kill its freedom from commercial interference.
A daring, artistic challenge for any park visitor, Lothar! Um, ok, I see we have another caller. Go ahead, your name, please?
Yeah. It’s Billy, Billy Rae Duggins.
Go ahead, do you have a question for Lothar?

Damn right, I do. I've got good use for that hole. Let's invite all those Leftwing, Berkeley snowflakes for a little night stroll, that’s wha-
Thanks for calling Billy. Next caller. Go ahead, please.
This is Dr. Inez Sparkleberry. I'm the president of the rare species preservation society. We are outraged and saddened by this careless project!
Um. Go ahead, Inez.

This hole in the ground is in the area of the Effen Swallowtails-mating season. Its presence will disturb this rare butterfly's mating ritual.

Inez, this is Lothar. I'm so sorry to interrupt those Effen Swallowtails meetups. As a token of my concern, I will put up a plaque nearby in your society's name. And I will donate...

No! You must stop now. We-

Sorry, Inez, but I'm afraid we're running out of time. Lothar, thank you so much for coming and sharing your insight on this pioneering art project with our listeners.

Oh no, thank you, Malcolm. Before I go, I have a wonderful surprise. You have been invited to the ceremony as our special guest. You'll be seated right on the edge of the rim. 

What a nice gesture, Lothar, but no, I'm afraid I can't make it. I'll be hosting a Chili Eating Contest sponsored by GAS-beGONE Deodorizer. I'm afraid I have to be there. Goodbye sir, and good luck.

Dialogue Only Writing Contest contest entry


There's a so called sculpture in downtown Vancouver that attempts to comment on the city's crowded streets, it's a stack of five junked cars on top of a pedestal. This awful display only adds more to the ugliness of the problem. It's a lazy, knee-jerk response, not a message of inspiration. Probably this visual had a long repertoire of clever verbiage, that sucked in the city council. But in the end, it speaks for itself. And sadly for local artists.

Pays one point and 2 member cents.

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